Big Girl Underoos

For my sanity (and because no one else has contacted me from Match) I have officially narrowed my field of men down to three top prospects (all the “nice” guys) - High School Guy, Friendster Guy, and Math Teacher Guy - and apparently, they have narrowed their fields down to include me as well. I spent a lovely afternoon today and most of the last two days with High School Guy. Tonight he is working so we can't hang out : ( but I just got a call from Math Teacher Guy asking me to the movies later this week and then an email came from Friendster Guy saying we should do dinner next week. Apparently the holidays haven't slowed anyone down on the dating front. Yowza. I'm seriously grinning from ear to ear right now because my ego got a huge boost from all the date requests but I'm also conflicted. Even though High School Guy has said he has commitment concerns he sure hasn't been showing them. Of all the guys I’ve dated I'd be most interested in pursuing a relationsh

Brief update: High School Guy and I are getting along really well. He went out of his way to stop at my work the other day (and he didn't go visit his brother)- like seriously out of his way, two towns and probably at least 10 miles out of his way - and then we watched TV at his apartment Wednesday. He came over to my apartment last night. We got our snuggle on. And I do mean snuggle. That's not a euphemism for anything your taudry mind might be contemplating. He's a really good guy. Very gentlemanly. Darn it ; ) And I must really like him because I'm keeping the details to myself(there aren't very many - you'll be disappointed if I tell you now anyway). Friendster Guy and I have been emailing each other. I told him about the pot incident and he agreed on the lameness. He's going to make a nice friend. First Impression Guy has not contacted me to apologize or say thank you for driving his friend home. He's SO off my list. However, Netherlands Guy (the

Here is an interesting web quiz. It's only one question. My world view is below. I agree with most of it. Except the not very adventurous thing. Although even that isn't too far off - no matter how I may act. Thanks to Josh for pointing this out. Your World View You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content. You value kindness and try to live by your ideals. You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material. You respect truth and are flexible. You like people, and they can readily make friends with you. You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you. What Is Your World View?

So I get an email from a 37 year old guy on Match.com yesterday and all I can say is I hope he is actually mentally challenged because otherwise I fear for our education system (I do anyway but you'll see what I mean). Judge for yourself. (Note: my profile asks, when was the last time you did something for the first time?) Email subject line: "Don't ever lose that Smile !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Ok what is the last time I did somthing new ? Well this is it me wrighting to you! I have never done this before the on line dateing thing that is. I know you maybe sitting there and saying ya right but the truth is that I realy have'nt I can't say I never looked at the photo's before but I never have replyed to one before you so that make's you the 1st..Ok now we are past all that I have got to tell you I love your smile it's nice to see I've alway's thought if more pepole took the time to smile the world just might be a better place to liveaft

Happy Solstice everyone. What do you give people on the solstice? I have no idea. But here's an article about dating: 5 guy's every girl has got to date. The summary: The older man (Mattress Sales guy?) The starving artist (High School Guy) The metro sexual (Buff Gym Guy) The bad boy (First Impression Guy? - I do not find myself attracted to this type of person. In fact, they turn me off. I don't need to go here.) The nice guy (Math Teacher Guy, Friendster Guy, High School Guy - I'm a definite sucker for nice guys! In fact, my Match.com profile says "Nice guys can finish first. Bad boys need not apply." So as not to appear sexist, here's the same article reversed for my gentlemen readers . I think I may be a combo of the "guy's girl" and "brainiac." Unfortunately I'm also heading into "older woman" territory if I keep going to parties populated with grad students.

I just got back from a solstice party. The people were almost all new to me so I enjoyed getting to know a new crowd. However, I don't know your particular interests/disinterests in controlled substances but I think that once you hit 25 or so it's really not cool to be getting all excited about weed (I've never done it so I've pretty much always felt this way.) Once you hit 35 you become pretty lame. I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy it now and then for your own recreational use(ok, maybe I am saying that) but to be all giddy like a teenager about doing it is pretty stupid. "Pot? Did someone say pot!" I had to drive a guy I just met tonight home because his friend/ride disappeared in a puff of smoke. Luckily this guy was very nice and also sober. He had an interesting take on the situation because he's from the Netherlands where it's controlled like cigarettes. He thought it was kind of like binge drinking - get it over while you're young

So, First Impression Guy didn't show at the event. He did email me before hand but I didn't get it because I was on another date so he's not quite in the dog house yet. I will be seeing him at a party tomorrow and I told him he owes me one. I don't know what"one" is but he owes me. I so need a cell phone. Any plan recommendations? As for the other date, that went well. Still no real sparks with Math Teacher Guy but he's easy to talk to. We had lunch, ran into a couple of his co-workers whom he introduced me to (bonus points for him), and wandered around Hanover. We shopped for his secret santa gifts and went to the bookstore. He just started reading the nerdy book I bought my Dad for Christmas. If sparks eventually fly my Dad will probably like him. That's good. I think the sparks not flying is because he's very much not flirty. (Was there anything grammatically correct about that sentence? No? Didn't think so.) Buff Gym Guy was too flirty and

My mixed emotions are settling into a few layers. At the top is happiness - my life is pretty darn great. I'm meeting new people, experiencing that butterfly in your innards feeling, finding sparks, and just generally having a good time. Under the happiness is a confused layer. What am I feeling right now? What in the heck am I doing with my life? Why am I not working on my thesis? Who the hell cares? WTF? At the very bottom is sadness. Sadness that I'm not part of a couple anymore. I spent last night celebrating the birthday of a woman I think is just fabulous. I consider her a friend and mentor. The people at her party were also fabulous - interesting, engaging, independent. Another friend of mine, also in the midst of the chaos of the dating world, and I were the youngest ones at the party and except for an 83 year old widow everyone else was coupled. Many were on their second or third coupling but they were firmly entrenched in that couple. What was interesting was that it

My mother does not know about this blog. But she's so internet savvy that I'm sure it is only a matter of time. She is now on Friendster and also 43 things . You should be too. Don't you want friends? Wouldn't you like my mom to be your friend? She pretty hip for a grandma. 43 Things is an interesting site. You can make a list of 43 things you want to do with your life. I don't know why 43 is significant. It's great now with New Years coming up. What's odd is that I joined it and then later on my mom did and the first thing she clicked on brought her to my record. It freaked her out. Then a few weeks later before I knew she was on there (because she was freaked out and didn't want to tell me) I clicked on something and she popped up. Weird. Of the Bagillion users on 43 Things I find my mom and she finds me. That's how my life goes people. That is how my life goes. In other news, I'm having lunch with Math Teacher Guy again on Sunday.

...let's hear from you for awhile. 'Tis the season of giving after all. So far I've had some pretty good dates, no one has done anything frightening, or untoward, or even had bad table manners. It's been a good run and I hope it will continue (with High School Guy in heavy rotation). I'd like to hear from you about your worst dating experience. Enter something in the comments or send me an email (if you know who I am) and I will post the text anonymously. I'd have to say my worst date ever was when I went to the senior prom as a junior. My date (now a good friend so he has redeemed himself) pretty much ignored me the whole time, kept saying things like "Isn't so-and-so really pretty?", and half way through the prom I couldn't find him. I finally tracked him down moping on the other side of the dance floor by himself. After the prom we went to one of his friend's houses. He did not tell me we were going to be staying there for the evening so

I'm having lunch with High School Guy today. Yay! My "enthusiastic emailing" (think drunken dialing) has not freaked him out. I HATE the immediacy of email. There is way too much desperate thinking that happens when you don't get an email immediately back. I really need to learn patience. I waited over 32 hours before I sent the second email that he finally replied to. There are many reasons a person has not emailed back that are much more valid and correct than "He thinks I'm a troglodyte ." (Troglodyte is my new favorite word.) Anyway, I'm out of my mini-funk. I downloaded* onto a college friend of mine who knows both X and I, and he commiserated with me that it wasn't fair X got to be involved with someone before me. At least some of our friends are on "my side." Not that there should be sides but at least someone will pretend to be when we're one-on-one and it's appropriate for the moment. *Don't you just love all the ne

This is a phrase my X coined to describe the couple of get togethers he had with our co-friend. I think it is a great phrase and we should all use it in a sentence today. I think it is also great that I can have a conversation about dating with my X. I have now sent him an email about the 6.5 guys I have gone out with. He might be in for a shock when he gets it. I also told him "Go us!" for our ability to have these sorts of chats. This is all so very weird. Have you ever heard of any other couple who could decide to divorce at the end of September, be divorced the end of November, and have calm, funny conversations about their dating lives before Christmas? I haven't. I consider myself very lucky. Living a very strange life, but very lucky.

I have recently been collecting quotes from various sources that are apropos to my life and philosophy. I thought I'd share a few. Do one thing every day that scares you. - Eleanor Roosevelt We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell And my new favorite: I'm not going to die wondering. - Colette

Well, STBX, or I guess now I should just call him X, called me today to warn me that I might hear through the ever so short local grapevine that he and a good friend of ours are "seeing each other." It's not very serious (yet) but he wanted me to hear it from him rather than someone else who sees them out together. That was very nice and considerate of him. Way to think ahead for once...er...yeah... Anyway, it was cute because he was so nervous to tell me. And surprised by how happy I was for him. He didn't expect that. So yeah, on the one hand, I am supremely happy for both of them. I truly am. I think they are both people who deserve some happiness and I have now told them both that and that I give them my blessing 100%. They are even cute together, although I haven't seen them, but I can imagine. On the other hand I'm a little bummed. Or angry. Or something other than happy. I'm annoyed that he's taking the initiative to be flirty and attracted to s

Against all advice to the contrary, I sent High School Guy an email telling him I liked him. Here is the text (forgive some of the inside jokes): Hi [HSG],Is there a particular reason we have to wait until this weekend to go out? My Friday and Saturday evenings are already scheduled with gal pals but I have nothing any other night until then. I know, I know, I'm acting like a desperate stalker. But you'll have to forgive me. For some reason I like you and I'd like to get to know you better. It could be the hairless shoulders, but I think it's the cheesy sense of humor. I'm a sucker for sarcasm and puns, and guys who cut their own hair. If there are reasons I shouldn't like you please let me know sooner than later. You're in a satanic cult? You like to dress in women's clothing (only a bad thing if you are a smaller size than I am)? You have a third testicle? You have a steady girlfriend you have neglected to mention? I also know you have a crazy life and

So...I had some errands to do at lunch today which just happened to bring me right across the hall from High School Guy. I really didn't make up an errand just to go see him - my hairdresser is across the hall and I need some product. All right, need is perhaps too strong a word. However, I emailed HSG to see if he'd be there if I stopped by. He was and I did. We had a nice, but unfortunately non-flirty chat. He did say we should get together this weekend though. Then as I was leaving I threw caution to the wind and turned it up a notch. Since he knows all about the dates I've been on I told him I had rejected three of the six people I'd seen recently and didn't have any dates scheduled for the foreseeable future. Then I told him I had three people on the short list. And that he was one of them. He smiled and seemed flattered. I should have said he was my number one but I didn't want to scare him. I need some advice folks. Lay it out on the table and risk freak

I'm slowly (quickly?) remembering why adolescence sucked. Mainly it boils down to self-doubt. I just got myself a good little dose of that. I called High School Guy and we had a nice chat. We were talking about British Musician and how I didn't think I was going to take him up on his soon to come offer of going out. HSG jokingly asked why (after he had spent some time describing a few reasons why BM wasn't probably the best date) and I said, "I like his friend more." But he didn't bite. He made some cheesy comment about BM not having any friends. And then the conversation moved on. I'm pretty sure I wasn't wrong about there being some kind of spark between us. But here's where the doubt comes in. Did I come on too strong? Should I not have called him? Does he think I'm a stalker? Did I freak him out? Read the signs wrong? Who the hell knows? It's all fun and games until someone stops playing the game.

I just had a very nice lunch with Math Teacher Guy. I was right about his profile giving me the best vibes of the 4 guys I've now met from Match.com. He was really personable and I was very comfortable talking to him. The conversation was easy. There was never a pause. There weren't a lot of sparks but he's definitely someone I'd see again, even if it's just as friends. And we had some odd things in common: He almost went to the very small college I went to (it was in his top 3 and it's amazing when anyone has even heard of it), he doesn't like nuts, he didn't drink until he was 21, and we agreed on a heck of a lot of things. I'm not smitten and I'm sitting here hoping High School Guy will call me tonight but Math Teacher Guy is now in second place. Friendster has fallen to number 3. We went to a hockey game yesterday and had a good time but he is, as he admitted, a quiet guy. I don't think I need quiet right now. I might hide my Match profi

Folks, I’m in like. That’s right, I said like. As in “Do you like him, like him?” I did not expect this but I really like High School Guy (HSG). He’s funny, easy to look at, and I’m totally comfortable around him. He called me this morning just to check in. And then I called him at his DJ job this afternoon (where he warned me British Musician Guy was going to call me and that I should let him down easy. I'm taking that to mean HSG doesn't want me to go out with British Musician.) You know how I was looking for that witty West Wing type banter? Did I ever tell you that? It's part of my Match profile after some rather unexciting date conversations. Anyway, totally got it with HSG. And he’s definitely wanting us to go out again : ) Remember my almost date with the guy who wore too much bling ? High School Guy is really good friends with him. Or at least was in high school. Bling Guy may come up sometime (since he now has two friends here which makes the 2.5 hour drive more p

I just had the most wonderful and bizarre experience. I thought I was crazy with two dates in the same day, but no, it gets weirder. I'm pretty sure I just had a date with two men at the same time. I think it has to be some kind of record. High School Guy, his British Musician friend and I met at a restaurant/bar at 7:30pm. One of my single gal pals was supposed to meet us but because of the weather bowed out. The three of us had a nice meal and while High School Guy (who passed my drinking test with flying colors and I really like now) was in the bathroom British Musician asked if he could have my number and take me out some time! Eeeekkk!!!! That's a scream of delight, not horror - sort of. High School Guy ended up seeing all this transpire but didn't seem phased by it (I had already told them all about my other dates so the fact that I was dating other people wasn't an issue. In fact, it seems to make men more interested...) For the rest of the night British Musicia

It is 3pm on Friday and I just got a wave of butterflies in my stomach. Good ones. Excited nervous ones. Fluttering all about. I love that feeling.

This weekend is going to be great. Why? Because I have second dates with my top two candidates (Friendster Guy and High School Guy) and a first date with the guy I got the best vibes from on Match.com, Math Teacher Guy. I should start my own show like Rachael Ray - Getting by on one date a day (and still doing your laundry, paying your bills, and getting enough sleep). Except I haven't figured out how do so all that stuff in parenthesis yet. Baby steps. Buff Gym Guy has settled safely into flirty friend mode and that's good. When I brought him to share with a group of gal pals he was charming and flirty and gravitated to one of my gorgeous and sassy friends. I do not blame him (she really is gorgeous, and one of the nicest and most personable people you'll ever meet so you can't hate her for being gorgeous. Plus, I'm starting to think I'm pretty gorgeous as well.). My motives for bringing him were to introduce him to other great ladies. He's too much for

Ok, this isn't the most eloquent version of this story and you've probably heard it before but I liked the sentiment at the end so I'm sharing it. "A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents

All I have to say before I go to bed is that if you think there are not that many single eligible men in this area (or any other area for that matter) you are not trying hard enough to meet them or are being too picky. I just met at least five eligible, attractive, intelligent and seemingly nice guys this evening. I don't want to marry or sleep with any of them but I had a great evening of conversation and laughter. You know what else? Even if they aren't appealing to you, maybe their friends are (or they'd be appealing to your friends). And those friends have friends. You never know when a random encounter will lead to your next relationship so get out there! Meet people! Do things! Match.com is great but you also have to be willing to let your feet take you where they can. Say yes to every invitation. Hell, invite yourself along. Be bold! Be brazen! Be brave! But be careful. P.S. The male I interacted with the most has the same name as everyone else I've met and dated

Here's a brief date recap for those of you playing the home game. I'll attempt to maintain the same date nicknames from now on so we can all follow along. I was needing a flow chart for awhile. Date #1 : aka "Friendster Guy" - thought I wanted to be just friends but now think better of it. He's checking his schedule to see if he'll join me at a hockey game this weekend. Date #2: was "Date # 3" at some point. Now known as "Buff Gym Guy". Very flirty. Saw him again last night. I brought him to a group thing at a bar last night knowing he'd be pretty flirty with not just me but my gal pals and I knew they'd like it. He was and they did. I learned he's a very interesting person and worth at least a couple more dates. He sang me a song from Les Miserable. And he was good. I didn't swoon but it's the kind of thing that would make me do so. Date #3: "K." Physical disabilities and speech impediment. I've already to

In the matter of Sassy Pants and STBX: "Divorce decreed. Cause: Irreconcilable differences which have caused the irremediable breakdown of the marriage. [When they put it like that it sounds so...mean.] Final Decree on Petition is approved and incorporated as part of this decree. Sassy Pants is awarded the use of her maiden name." So there you are. The end of a ten year relationship. Only it isn't the end, it's a metamorphosis. You'd think I'd be sad but I'm actually quite happy. We were stuck in a larval state and now I can be a butterfly. Now all these dates I've been going on are officially Ok. Good. I went on my first two dates on the same day as my papers were officially signed. I wasn't wasting any time that's for sure.

Just in case you think I'm boy crazy (Ok, I am. That's abundantly obvious.) I have also been hanging out with my fabulous lady friends almost as much as I've gone on dates. And I've had more fun with them, that's for certain. Saturday evening was dinner, coffee and magazine horoscopes with N & N. We had a grand old time talking about being single and every other topic under the sun. Sunday, in addition to the dullish date, the Friendster sighting in Walmart, and the Mattress salesman I also had dinner with N at her place. We spent time watching Sell This House!, and browsing Match.com for people we thought the other might like. We discovered that the really attractive guys who know they are really attractive write very little and assume you will contact them on their looks alone. I'm sure they're right. We took them off our lists. It really is amazing how much you can tell from a profile. So far, each person I have gone on a date with was pretty much th

Word of advice, do not go out for coffee unless you have something scheduled afterward that will allow you to gracefully exit the date. I have had 2 coffee dates now and they each lasted 2 hours. I was ok up until they hit the hour and a half mark and then it got old. And men do not understand subtlety. When you make hints and overtures about leaving and getting on with your day they don’t really get it. So you sit there wondering how you can be any less subtle than you’ve already been when you stretched and said, “I think I need to take my leave now.” Half an hour later he’s still having a grand old time. I think from now on I’m going on lunch dates. Lunch is a much safer bet. When the check comes, that means you can leave. Lunch on a weekday is even better. You have to get back to work, no safer excuse than that. My date today was not a match. I don’t think. It wasn’t awful but it wasn’t that great either. He has already emailed me saying he had a nice time and would like to go out a

By popular request, OK, by one request, I have now opened up the ability for anyone to post comments, as opposed to only registered users. I look forward to your wit and wisdom. Play nice. By the way, now that I'm writing "what I learned on my date" I feel like Doogie Houser with his end of show moral of the story. Luckily, there is no Vinnie Delpino climbing through my window. Also, inspired by everyone I meet having the same name I share with you the Baby Name Voyager . Just type in a name and you can see its history. Did you know "Spurgeon" was mildly popular in the late 1800s. Did you know "Spurgeon" was even a name? Yeah, me neither. Off to date #4. This guy seems pretty normal if not a little geeky. I'll find out soon enough.

I’m tired. Dating takes a lot out of you. Today’s date took a lot more out of me than I was expecting. For one thing, it was in the morning for coffee. For another, my date, let’s call him “K” for lack of anything better (you’ll have to forgive me my lack of creativity, I already told you, I’m tired.), required a lot of concentration. Let me explain. I met “K” on Match.com. He was the first person to respond to my profile and instead of a wink he sent me an email that was humorous, showed he had read far into the text of the “in my own words” section (which is very long by the way. I used every character I was allotted. Surprise, surprise, I like talking about myself.) and he was very “Hi, how are you. I am not a psycho creep.” Anyway, we commenced to emailing back and forth. In the course of our conversations he slowly told me certain things about himself that I’m sure required courage on his part to divulge and that for many women would be deal breakers . I don’t mean “I live with my

Ok, THIS is not a problem I thought I’d be having. I have too many dates! I had two today (more on that momentarily), I have one Saturday, I have one that may be a date retroactively depending on how it goes (I’ll explain in a minute), I’ve had one more Match.com guy specifically ask to meet and I think there is another who is going to and if he doesn’t I will ask him. That’s what, SIX dates with different men? Holy crap! So far it isn’t a problem, but what if they start wanting second dates? What if I like more than one? I’m like a kid in a candy store who realizes that at some point she might get a tummy ache. Until then however, bring it on. I know you’ve been waiting with baited breath to hear about my first two dates!!! The first was with Friendster #1 for lunch. He’s even cuter in person than in his picture. He has beautiful gray eyes. He’s also very nice and sweet. I was really unsure of myself with him. But I don’t think it’s a match. I think we could definitely be friends but