Big Girl Underoos

Guess where I went today? The World's Longest Candy Counter . That's right. Candy, candy, candy as far as the eye can see. (My goal to limit refined sugars has been blissfully forgotten.) My goal for the day was to take a road trip to Littleton, NH to get my social security card changed back to my maiden name and then spend the day hanging out with Friendster Guy instead of sitting at work. The latter part of my goal was great. But as for the former, apparently the documents given me by the court were not official enough and didn't give enough information about me to actually let the social security office change my name. I can't believe that I am the only woman who ever got divorced in NH and needed documents to change her name. As a matter of fact I know two other women - my Mom and my step-mom (divorce is a fine family tradition) - who needed to do the same thing in the past. I may be crazy, but shouldn't they always give the person who wants to change their name

Scientists are closer than ever to creating a Male Pill . Friendster Guy thinks they should come up with a Nuva Cock Ring. I couldn't agree more.

I always miss the "Blog Days" when we bloggers are supposed to blog about something specific in unity. I don't even know where to find a list of those days although I'm sure a quick trip to Google would cure that. A few days ago it was Blog Against Heteronormativity Day. Utilizing the definition of heteronormativity from Blackademic : "in brief, heteronormativity is a term that can be used to describe institutions, policies and beliefs that reinforce the rigid categories of male and female. these categories, supposedly, determine our sex, sexuality, sexual desire, gender identity, and gender roles. therefore, there are expected behaviors for males (such as the patriarch of the nuclear family for example), as are there expected behaviors for females (the submissive wife to the patriarch, among other things). but we all know---THAT'S BULLSHIT!" I haven't read anyone else's entry who blogged about this. And it may be a day (or two) late and a dollar

The trouble with humor is that the more true it is, the more funny it is, but then the more you think you shouldn't laugh. Check this out . You'll see what I mean. Thanks Not My Spot for the link.

Here in New Hampshire we have three seasons: Winter, Mud and Construction. We are now deeply into Construction season. I cannot leave my office without encountering a series of orange cones. There are three ways out of my office park. There are flaggers in all three of those directions. You'd think the new state color was orange. *The title of this post comes from a comedy bit by Brett Butler regarding the orange construction cones.

You know how your parent's friends or distant relatives were always so shocked at how much you'd grown since the last time they saw you? "Oh my goodness! This can't be Sassy! The last time I saw you you were this high. Time goes by so fast." Sometimes followed by an under the breath, "I'm getting so old." I had a similar - but not really at all the same so bear with me - moment while watching my Netflix copy of Northern Exposure . (For those of you living on Pluto, Netflix is the best thing that ever happened to the internet. If the internet was invented and nothing else ever happened but Netflix (and maybe Blogger) it still would have been a good invention.) I used to love Northern Exposure. I totally wanted to be Maggie O'Connell , aka Janine Turner . She was gorgeous and sassy and vulnerable and strong and neurotic and sexy all at the same time. Even now I have something resembling her haircut, when it's not in a mohawk. (Sadly, she is no

Today is Equal Pay Day. It's not exactly something to celebrate. "Each year, the National Committee on Pay Equity (NCPE) organizes the national observance of Equal Pay Day to raise awareness about unfair pay for women and people of color in America. Equal Pay Day is observed in April to indicate how far into each year a woman must work to earn as much as a man earned in the previous year. For more info: http://www.pay-equity.org/day.html " I believe this quote came from Pink magazine . In good news, I got my tax return today. Of course, it's already spent, and not in a fun way.

The horror of BACK FAT. Egads! There are reasons we don't often see ourselves from behind. But you gotta admit I'm rocking the mohawk and the catwalk.

I have lingerie issues. The kind of issues that potentially need therapy. I have owned two pieces of lingerie in my life. That's right, two*.One, a black teddy, purchased for me. The other a maroon slip thing I think I purchased for myself. Neither did I feel at all comfortable in. With the first, I was not yet comfortable in my own skin and although the purchaser seemed to like it, during the rest of the relationship I was often put down and made to feel fat and unattractive (He's since apologized and wished he could go back in time and kick his own ass. I'd encourage him strongly to find a way to do that.) The second item I was also uncomfortable in. Part of it being that the person for whom the lingerie was meant didn't really seem to care one way or another if I had it on. He wouldn't have cared one way or another if I had been buck naked with a bow on that said "take me I'm yours," so I can't blame the slip too much. Anyway, my issue. Lingerie

I'm trying something new. Here's a photo essay of my day on Saturday. Here I am lying in bed reading Eldest by Christopher Paolini. At 10:03am I decided to get up. At 10:04am I got an obnoxious call from "Chris in Cincinatti" who desperately hoped that the weather was better wherever I was than it had been in Cincinatti because boy was it yucky over there. Eventually he got to the point and told me he was selling magazines. I wanted to chastize him a little about him glancing over Newsweek and Time to wonder if I'd be more interested in a "woman's magazine" like People. Luckily, he wasn't a hard sell and he left me alone after one No. I didn't want to press my luck so I let him go without a feminist diatribe. Besides, I had gotten up only a minute before hand. My first task of the day was to get to the Transfer Station. For those of you who don't know what a Transfer Station is it's a community recycling center. You see, not only do I

If you stop by Big Girl Underoos over the next few days you may see some changes. Do not be alarmed. Change is good. Really. I've been playing with html and organizing some things. You'll be ok. Things will calm down soon. I figured it was time to branch out from the Blogger template and shake it up a little. We'll see how it goes.

One last thing before I leave for the day. My ex-husband used to play Dungeons and Dragons. Well, "used to" is the wrong wording for it. He still plays but it is no longer my problem. Among the many reasons we divorced would be the weekend long D&D game in NJ on our anniversary weekend. Or that Valentine's Day when he hosted a game at our house. Yeah, that was fun. Anyway, this article at the Onion is frightening in that I know what the guy is talking about (although it's a computer game, not D&D. Don't make me explain the difference.) and it's sad in that if my ex had had even a smidgen of that interest in me (pathetically voiced though it may be) our relationship would have been much better. Very, very sad.

I am so much better at getting things done on days that I have meetings than on days that I don't. You'd think a wide open calendar would be a good thing. "Look at how much time I have to get stuff done!" But no, there is nothing I need to do any time management around so I just say, "Look how much time I have to do whatever I want! I'll still have plenty of time in the afternoon to buckle down." Lo and behold the afternoon comes around and now, "It's Friday afternoon and no one gets anything done on Friday afternoons so why should I?" I am such a slacker sometimes. However, to counteract my slacker tendencies I have created a plan. It's a two fold plan. (See, this is what I do while I'm slacking off. Make plans, lists, think about what I should be doing at home. I'm still doing something, just not what I'm supposed to be doing.) The first part of the plan is to pretend I am leaving my job in two weeks and I have to wrap up

I don't understand... ...the appeal of Paris Hilton and why her 15 minutes aren't up yet. ...why I can be bounding with energy on my way to work but as soon as I walk into my office it's as if my walls are made of kryptonite. ...why I can remember all the lyrics to Salt-n-Pepa's "Shoop" but I can't remember what I had for breakfast or why I am standing at the photocopier. ...why my landlord has not yet resolved the hot water problem in my apartment. ...why no matter how many clothes I buy, I still have nothing to wear. ...why pants sizes and underwear sizes do not match up. I wear an 8-10 pants (8 on a good day) and yet I wear a 5 or 6 in underwear. ...the attraction of Crocs . Ugh. ...why people can't just talk to each other and figure out world peace. ...why I trust the Geico Gecko more than any spokes...person? on the planet. ...why my maid hasn't come in and vacuumed or washed the dishes this week. Oh yeah, I don't have a maid. Nevermind.

I just got one of the nicest, most unexpected compliments from my co-worker. He said, "If I ever had a sister I'd want her to be just like you." Wow. Commence blushing. P.S. The Coke TOTALLY worked! It's like crack. I'm bouncing off the walls a little and I think I will go running after work. No more nap for Sassy Pants. Obviously I don't have caffeine very often. And that's probably a good thing.

My inability to keep my eyelids open overrode my need to avoid refined sugars. Therefore, I have purchased a full octane Coke from the vending machine. I can't do diet soda. I just can't. So I usually avoid soda all together. The good news is that it's the first Coke I've purchased from the ever present vending machine in at least 6 months, if not more. There is no bad news. I'm a grown up. I can do what I want. I just have to suffer the consequences. I choose that the consequence not include guilt, but perhaps they do include a salad for dinner.

I am SO tired. I am this close to closing my door and curling up under my desk. I'm serious. This close. I can barely keep my eyes open. I went to bed at a reasonable time, slept well, woke up a little later than usual so I got extra sleep and yet I'm about to do a face plant on my keyboard. I didn't even work out that hard yesterday. I'm blogging to see if I can get any energy out of the creative process. So far no good. The industrial grade carpet is still calling to me. "Saaassy Paaants... You know you want to wake up with your face all waffley and your arms stuck in horribly stiff configurations. Not to mention having your boss walk in on you drooling on yourself." Oh yes, I definitely do. Sign me up. Let's see. Creative process. Creative process...Nothing is coming to me. Oh, I know. I need your help. I apparently have no willpower whatsoever and have not lost a single pound or ounce since I began running like a fiend. Yes, I recognize that some of th

Where is the cheapest gas near you? Look it up here .

I love Calvin and Hobbes . I hate, hate, hate every iteration of this. Poor Bill Watterson drew a picture of Calvin holding a water balloon like this (minus the butt crack and spray) and now it's become a national obsession to pee on something you don't like. How classy. When I was looking for that obnoxious image to share with you I found this site about it. I love this quote - "Americans love their cars, and Americans love to put ugly art on their cars, but nothing says “I’m an idiot with a pointless opinion” like a window sticker of Calvin peeing on something." Amen!

Continuing in my silence and conversation thread, here's another quote I chanced upon. The best things said come last. People will talk for hours saying nothing much and then linger at the door with words that come with a rush from the heart. ~Alan Alda If I was going to be deep today, although I'm not sure how much depth I can muster because my brain is on autopilot, I'd say we're supposed to tell people the heart felt stuff now instead of when it is almost, or actually, too late. "Gee thanks Sassy Pants. If you hadn't translated the quote we'd still be scratching our heads going, huh?" I'm tired. I've yawned like 14 times in the last 5 minutes. Yaaawwwn. Show of hands, how many of you just yawned as a result of those words? The transmission of yawns is so weird. It's like the mystery of life (Again, very, very deep commentary. Do not try this at home kids. You might give yourself a brain aneurism.). If only we could pass on good feelings,

Nowadays most men lead lives of noisy desperation. ~James Thurber When was the last time you had a one on one conversation with someone when there wasn't food or coffee involved, the TV was off, there was no radio and you weren't simultaneously checking email. Seriously, when? Last night Friendster Guy and I each plopped down in one branch of the L of my couch, heads together, and just talked. Nothing else was going on. Nothing else had to be done. Mainly we reminisced about our nerd/geek tendencies in high school: me - AP/Honors classes, president of band two years in a row, him - fencing, a little too much chess. It was fun. We laughed, we picked on each other. I think that because we were both totally in the moment with no distractions we actually became a lot closer over an hour of mildly asinine conversation. I'd recommend you work in a distraction free conversation with someone this week. It will probably feel a little awkward at first but enjoy the lulls in the conv

I keep mentioning that I'm poor. A friend pointed out that really, I'm not poor, I'm just short of cash. This is true. And the distinction is a good one to remember. There are people out there who make a hell of a lot less than me, have a heck of a lot more mouths to feed, who don't have transportation, who's housing is inadequate, no healthcare, and who have no one but themselves to rely on. I, on the other hand, have a great apartment that I can share if necessary, a newish car that runs well (although I probably just jinxed myself), health and dental insurance, savings, a 403B (the non-profit sector's version of a 401K), no kids, people I can rely on in an emergency, and, with the exception of my student loans and car payments, very few debts. In the grand scheme of things, I'm a very lucky girl...er...woman.

According to an article in the Chronicle of Higher education, the Duke Lacrosse team rape scandal is causing a ripple through college sports. Some highlighted points below. "A new lacrosse landscape. Several college lacrosse coaches predicted that Duke would permanently disband its lacrosse program. " I think that's stupid. Why? Because it doesn't solve the problem of great big drunken (or worse, sober) bohunks in a group acting like savage animals. Sure, it punishes a few of them but really it's like putting a bandaid on a stab wound. You may not see it anymore but the problem is still festering and hemorraging below. "No more free rides. Some legal experts predicted that the Duke investigation would lead more colleges to dismiss players who violate team rules." *Sassy Pants scratches her head in confusion* Shouldn't they have been doing that in the first place? Isn't that what rules are for? Isn't there a consequence when the rules aren

Is anyone else having heart palpitations about the current price of gas? Good. I'm glad it's not just me.

I used to take yoga. I try not to feel too guilty that I no longer take yoga despite the tightness slowly creeping back into my no longer flexible body. But I can take heart! Not only can I continue practicing yoga but I can get all the healing benefits of a deep chested guffaw at the same time. Fussy has created a new website called Yogabeans . It's yoga demostrated hilariously for you by action figures. At least I think it's hilarious. Maybe I'm demented. No. I think it's just plain funny. And gosh darn creative. I wish I thought of it. Oh, and if you'd like to check out something else done by someone or several someones with too much time on their hands, here's an Easter miracle (of sorts). I'm trying to keep your mind off the fact that you should have done your taxes weeks ago and now only have until Monday to get all your paperwork in order. Which is an extension anyway. It's going to be quite a weekend for some people. Good luck.

Um. This does not make me want to go out and buy a gun. In fact, it does the exact opposite. An anonymous reader left this link in a comment on my post about women having constant fear . It's sort of the right sentiment - i.e. rely on yourself. But it goes about it all wonky and wrong. The images alone are worth checking out for entertainment purposes. It's sort of like gun porn. The post tries to be friendly and sound like someone's blog entry but in fact, it's part of a larger gun related website. I tried to go "Home" but there was an error. It's fear mongering to sell you a product. Don't believe the hype. Having a gun would scare me even more.

Otherwise known as things that bore you when I blog about them. 1) Finances - I did some calculations and it seems that my life costs me between $45 and $65 per day. That's a heck of a lot of money. Half of that seems to be my cell phone bill which is too high considering I hardly use it. I should look into changing my plan. My biggest expense is rent. So much so that I'm thinking about getting a temporary roomate for the summer. There are students in my masters program who come in specifically for the summer session. They are usually teachers so that wouldn't be so bad. What is looming over my head financially are my student loans. If I had to pay them currently I wouldn't be able to which is why it is great that I have them in deferrment because of my... 2) Thesis - I finished transcribing another interview. 15 down, 2 to go. Then I may have to do a handful more to round it all out. I vow to have a Masters by my 30th birthday. Therefore, I have until August. 3) Vacati

And in the category of "Why should we care?" we have TomKat giving birth in silence (That's Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes for those of you who have a life and don't follow the entertainment 'zines. Not that I do. It's hard to completely remove yourself from the pop culture no matter how hard you try.) If only they had taken this silence advice many months ago. At least Tom. We all could have lived without his Oprah couch antics and evil overlord interview with Matt Lauer about post partem depression (launch the video and go to about minute 8). We haven't heard hide nor hair from poor Katie in months. I personally think her brain's been permanently scattered as a result of actually getting her preteen wish to marry Tom Cruise. We should not get what we wish for when we were tweens. If we did, I might have some frightening relationship going on with Kirk Cameron and have 10 of his uber-christian babies. Either that or I would be Astronaut Barbie or somet

You know what I like about blogging? You can go on a week long rant about something important to you and the world and then do a 180 and share asinine details about your life for no apparent reason. For instance, Sassy Pant's Seven (see side bar) may need to be turned into Sassy Pant's Eight which doesn't quite have the same ring to it but would encompass "Relationships." Why? Friendster Guy and I hit a mini bump yesterday. Or I hit a bump and dragged FG over it. It came down to this: In my former marriage I was 3rd or 4th on my X's list of priorities. I refuse to go through that again. FG has a job that is more of a lifestyle than what most of us 9 to 5ers are used to. Lots of random overtime, night shifts, emergency calls in the middle of the night. I'm ok with that. Especially the emergency runs. A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do. And I'm even fine with the overtime as long as I have enough warning. However, yesterday I had to stand in

Now THIS is a good idea. Getting harassed? Take a picture and post your story. (Probably not all that legal but hey.) (Thanks Josh ). I need to learn how to use my camera phone. You should also visit Josh for this disturbing birth control ad.

I don't think men realize that women carry around a continuous sense of low grade fear that spikes precipitously in certain circumstances, like when finding oneself alone on a street at night with a figure coming toward you. Relief is instant when the figure turns out to be a woman. Constant. Fear. Like what the guys probably felt in junior high and high school gym class. Only it last forever. The gift that keeps on giving.

Aaaagghhh! I just got an email inviting me to take part in an "Iron Girl" 5K/10K event. Guess what an Iron Girl is? No seriously, guess. (I have definitely become an angry feminist in the last few months.) Ok, here are the attributes. 1) strong and feminine 2) fashionable 3) aspirational 4) energetic 5) empowering Fashionable? Fashionable!? Feminine? What the hell does that mean? Do I get to sweat at this race? Do I have to wear pink? WTF? And if Iron Girl's misson is "for women to embrace a healthy lifestyle and aim to achieve their personal bests." Why, oh why, is it called Iron GIRL ? I'm all for embracing a healthy lifestyle and achieving my personal best but I am not going to belittle those achievements by calling myself a girl. I've earned the right to be a woman. That's part of my empowerment. I sent them an email telling them I was insulted. Go me!

One of the comments I didn't put in my post on the Sexual Assault Awareness Survey (down a few posts) was this: "When are men going to stand up for us?" Luckily, there are some men out there who get it and want to make a difference. My guy friend Josh is requesting our help to do just that here . Guys don't get subtly. Sometimes they need to be smacked upside the head. And we are just the people to do it. Dr. Nik is another one. He often comments here at Big Girl Underoos. Unfortunately, what we need to teach them is very hard to tell. Speaking the words is often impossible. And we feel foolish or overreactive or downright silly to do so. But we aren't. And the silence is crippling. To us. To our partners. To society. I went to a presentation last night by an artist , Marta Sanchez, whose work is inspired by her expriences with abuse and assault. Even though she says she rarely speaks about it, her pieces do. The audience at the presentation was interesting. I do

oh oh, he's been telling lies... No, this is not a post about President Bush or Dick Cheney. This is a little cheer to Paula Abdul for not just sitting back and letting some guy get away with roughing her up . She's been in the entertainment news so much you'd think she wouldn't want to deal with it anymore but no, she did the right thing and reported it. You go girl. Straight up (now tell me!). Sorry for giving you Paula Abdul earworms for the rest of the day. Don't Rush Rush to get them out of your head. And remember, Sassy Pants is Forever Your Girl. (I really am evil sometimes.)

The Duke Lacrosse team rape story has turned into a story about race and class as opposed to rape and assholes. Duke now has a 5 step reponse plan to deal with everything but the fact that a woman was raped. I'm getting very irked. No, scratch that, pissed. In summary the 5 step plan is as follows: 1) investigation of the men's lacrosse program based on reports, separate from the criminal allegations, of "racist language and a pattern of alcohol abuse and disorderly behavior." 2) investigation of the administration's response to the allegations against the team. 3) examine student judicial processes and practices and make recommendations for reform. 4) direct a "campus culture initiative" to "evaluate and suggest improvements in the ways Duke educates students in the values of personal responsibility, consideration for others, and mutual respect in the face of difference and disagreement." 5) presidential council of higher-education leaders and

About a month ago I posted a link to a web survey asking for people’s experience with sexual abuse. I promised I’d post the results on April 6th in honor of A Day to End Sexual Violence and April being Sexual Assault Awareness month . I’d like to thank the respondents for their honesty and bravery in telling their stories. I’m a big proponent of sharing as a way of healing. And a way of fighting. I was going to go through the answers and pick out the most poignant or moving experiences but I think every woman’s story fits the bill so I have included all the responses I received. First, some stats (please pardon the formatting. I wanted to get the information out there more than I wanted to struggle with html issues): 110 people filled out the survey, 103 Women, 7 Men The vast majority (87) were between 21 and 40. 101 identified as Caucasian, 7 as “other” and 1 each as Latina and African American 68 identified as heterosexual, 31 as bisexual, 5 as homosexual and 4 as Other I have been