Friday, October 14, 2005

Doesn't anybody love me?

I'm surrounded by friends and family who love me, check in on me, and make sure I have plenty to do and yet I am sad and depressed. It could be the weather - it's been raining for the last week or so - it could be the PMS, or it could be the situation I find myself in. I'm moving this weekend. Out of my beautiful, bright, mine-all-mine condo into an apartment. Don't get me wrong, I like the apartment. It's got lots of light. Even a window in the bathroom which to me says "Hey girl, you've arrived." My (our) condo didn't have one.

My soon to be ex-spouse (STBX) has already moved out. He's been gone a week or so. He's helping me move. Have I mentioned that this split is amicable? To the point of being almost ridiculous? It's definitely made the process easier logistically but sometimes I wish I hated him. Like when I burst into tears in my office after we'd just signed the papers with a notary who works in my building. It was just so final. And yet it's not. We're going to remain friends. We've already got plans for seeing Rent together. (It's sort of "our" musical.) And he's been invited to Thanksgiving at my parents - they asked me first of course.

It was my decision to split in the first place. I guess what I'm losing is just hitting me. The idea of a spouse. The comfort of being a home owner. The safety of being a couple.

But I'm excited too. I get to decorate and put stuff where I want to. I can cook what I want or never cook again. I can date! I can flirt with wild abandon! I can make my own schedule, go to bed when I want, come home when I want, or not come home at all! Ha! I have to keep the fun stuff in mind. I'm trying. I really am.

4 comments:

Jeff Morris said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

i wish i still had my spouse, or my boyfriend,MANfriend,of 18 yrs.,lloorr11

Mixerella said...

Lucky you...My family/"friends" could really care less about me...I haven't spoken to a good portion of my fam for years. There was actually a rumor going around that I had died, and people believed it. That's how unnoticeable I am anymore. I don't go out, I don't have anyone I can just text and say, "I'm having a bad day," because all of those people don't talk to me anymore. I don't know what I did to make people wish I'd really kicked the bucket, but what's it matter anymore, anyway? So, like I said, lucky you. You have someone who'd find your body, at least.

Sassy Pants said...

Mixerella -

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I haven't been posting on this blog for awhile and usually any comments I get are Spam so I was surprised to see your comment.

This post is almost 5 years old which means I now have the benefit of hindsight. Since then I have found a new man, completely changed careers, and my life involves a whole new cast of characters. I'm not necessarily in touch or as close to the same people I was in 2005. I hope you'll take that news as a positive for your life - time moves on and your current "friends" (who sound pretty crappy) become former friends and people who are strangers at the moment will become your new friends. Someone out there cares about you, you just might not know them yet.

Be well.
Sassy