Thursday, August 31, 2006

My Mom, the Slug

My Mom sent me the following email:

I haven't heard from you in a while - busy? I've been totally busy at work, myself. It's always either feast or famine! Then, when I get home, I'm a lazy slug because I'm so beat! Then I get depressed about being a lazy slug, so I feel even less like doing anything. I'm working on snapping out of it. Arrggh.

Having somehow managed to be super productive of late I thought about how I could pass on whatever wisdom I've garnered. After I sent the message I realized that I should share this wisdom with the world - or at least my readers, and those random people who find me while Googling "Underoos" or something less benign.

So, here are the tips I sent my Mom on how to stop being a slug - use one at a time or all in conjunction to pack a real punch:
1) Do not sit down when you get home.
2) Put on music, fast music - not the TV (unless the task at hand can be done in front of the TV - like crafting).
3) Depending on the project, set a timer.
4) Reward/bribe yourself somehow - a half hour of TV, money. I just "paid" myself $5 for finally taking some action on some boxes I wanted to sort and donate. Now I can buy a mocha latte with no guilt. I earned it!
5) Remember that your future self will thank you.
6) Do one task only. Do not get distracted by another task (unless you can do them at the same time, like laundry and pretty much anything else). If necessary, write down the other task you discovered you need to do and do it some other day.
7) Sometimes being a grown-up is forcing yourself to do something. Sometimes it's allowing yourself to sit on the couch and eat bon bons. You've just got to find the balance. [Question - have any of you out there ever actually eaten a bon bon? I think that may need to be a goal of mine. Goals are good. Goals involving bon bons are even better.]
8) Prioritize - what will make you feel the best if you accomplish it? Of the top three of those things, what can be done the fastest for the most instant gratification?
9) A "To Do" list is always helpful. Crossing things off is cathartic, but the act of writing them down is as well. Instead of your brain spinning out of control with the number of things you need/want/should do they are captured on a piece of paper. The more I have stuck in my head the more overwhelmed I am and the less I actually do. I get stymied in my own thoughts.

There you have it, Sassy Pant's anti-slug suggestions. Now, go out and be productive! And report back if any of these helped.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

And we wonder why women feel shitty about themselves...

This sucks. Someone took poor, lovely, normal sized Katie Couric and made her into a stick figure. I relate well to Katie - she's about my height, has had short brown hair (I'll admit I'm not big fan of the blonde), and is often described as "cute". Plus she's wicked smart and articulate.

Why the fuck would they airbrush her into anorexic oblivion?

There is no earthly reason to change her (unless perhaps she'd had an unfortunate run-in with dioxin right beforehand. (Or, like I did the day of Dance School pictures, sucked a cup onto her chin while watching Saved By the Bell and gave herself a big purple chin hickey.))

Why do this? We all see her on TV every day and that even adds 10 pounds so why can't we see her in a freaking picture as herself, the way she is?

I don't get it. I really don't.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Bribing myself

I'm totally paying myself $5 today despite not going to the gym (see last post for clarification).


1) I went up and down my apartments stairs 8 times, and up and down my basement stairs 5 times. I counted. That's almost as good as 30 minutes in the stairmill. Ok not really. However...
2) The $5 reward was the only thing keeping me going while I purged boxes, or brought bags of purged items to my car (hence the number of stairs), or took pictures of things I want to sell on eBay. I really needed something to keep me going let me tell you. I almost quit a bunch of times. I still have too much stuff but I'm getting there. I put my twin bed up on a local trader. And I plan to do the same with a CD rack I have now that I have pictures. Oh! And I got rid of a box of old financial papers. I'm bringing paystubs and things with my SS# on it into work tomorrow to shred. Whoo!

Monday, August 28, 2006

I have a plan

Of course I have a plan. I always have a plan. Do I always follow through on my plans? No. However, I find it handy to have one, even if it doesn't last too long.

I've been thinking about ways to rein in my extraneous spending - such as $3 on mocha lattes, or $6-10 bucks on a quick lunch downtown. I thought I should give myself a budget, say, $20-25 a week. If I hit Saturday with money left over it should go in a can or jar or bank and be set aside for the other extraneous things I want but don't need. Like clothes. But if I spend all my money by Tuesday, tough luck chica. No mocha lattes for you!

Knowing me, if cash I have in hand, I am less likely to spend it. Debit cards are bad because I can't see how fast the money is going away, and I don't track my little incidental expenditures. Actually, I do track them in Quicken but I don't really see them for what they are - a whole lot of little expenses that add up to a bigger than necessary number.

Then I was thinking I need to get my tushy back to the gym more often. And I had an epiphany! An epiphany which I will later hate myself for but an epiphany nonetheless. My epiphany is this: Why don't I earn that $20-25 by giving myself $5 everytime I go to the gym or do something strenuous outside - like hiking? That way, the more I go to the gym, the more money I'll have.

This plan is good for three reasons:
1) It will curb my spending.
2) It will get me to the gym.
3) It will curb my eating therefore all my hard work at the gym will actually pay off.

So there you have it, my plan. I've already earned $5 this week. And I didn't buy a latte today despite going to the Barnes and Noble at lunch. Go me!

Question: Is it prostitution if I earn the money know?

Sunday, August 27, 2006

One step away from passing the Kool Aid.

If I hadn't seen a tamer version of what happens at Jesus Camp myself - while visiting my friend's Assembly of God youth night in high school (What? I was on a quest to find myself. But I wasn't there.) - I would think this was an exaggeration. But sweet lord almighty it is not. My friend is now a lesbian Unitarian so there is hope for these kids. The brainwashing may not be permanent.

Thanks Shell for the heads up.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Bienvenido a New Orleans Ernesto, and thanks for the ratings boost.

I can't say I've missed watching the news since I got rid of TV because, if the dribble I caught tonight while at Friendster Guy's this evening counted as news, well then, I'm not missing anything.

Can I just say that the news folks are absolutely DROOLING over the fact that a hurricane may hit New Orleans on the one year anniversary of Katrina. For the next week every "news" show will be having some kind of tribute/expose/broohaha over Katrina and the aftermath with only slightly hidden glee that they can also talk about the impending doom descending on the city. They couldn't have planned it better themselves.

Tonight's commentary included their absolute shock, SHOCK I tell you!, that the levees *gasp* may still not be strong enough to withold the brunt of a powerful enough storm.

Well fucking duh! It's piles of dirt and a little engineering against an entire ocean and the worst that mother nature has to offer. I'm not saying they should abandon it because, really, humans are stubborn sons of bitches and if they want to ride it out and live with the results, so be it. But newscasters, don't treat us like we're idiots. None of us are at all shocked that things aren't back to normal. We're not surprised our Army Corps of Engineers needs more time (they also probably need more people but they're all over in Iraq fixing the infrastructure that we bombed to shit out of). Don't feign surprise that people are scrappy and pick themselves up by the bootstraps only to be smacked down again by Ernesto. It's just annoying. Shut your pie holes or tell me what the hell is going on in the rest of the world. Without the editorializing.

P.S. Apparently, I'm in a mood.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Thank goodness I only have a job, not a career

Ouch! I have whiplash from my flashback to the 50s.

Check out Josh's comments on a Forbes article titled - Don't Marry a Career Woman.

Can I point out that ruling out career women will leave a heck of a lot of guys mateless and looking desperately, anywhere, for a date. I know very few non-career women. Especially ones who aren't married already. Scratch that, I know NO single non-career women. They don't exist.

The article states that "recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children, and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it."

That's because, unless they are lucky, the men they marry are still too stuck in the patriarchal poopoo kahkah to appreciate what they have - a hard working person who most likely does more than 50% (probably closer to 80%+) of the housework, childcare and everything else in addition to their job. You'd be unhappy too Mister.

And as for being unhappy making more money than the man does - I made more ($5-15K/year more depending on the year) than my ex-spouse and it didn't bother me in the least. Hell, I divorced him pretty much the same month he started getting a real paycheck and we were going to make almost the same amount. I'm more uncomfortable in my current situation where Friendster Guy is making more than me. I feel like a mooch.

Michael Noer better get used to his girlfriends being underage and smelling like french fries because he's going to have to start trolling McDonald's for those "non-career" women. We "career women" don't want him.

An embarassment of riches

I started reading Not Buying It by Judith Levine today on my lunch hour in the local bookstore*. For those of you who haven't heard of it, Judith and her partner Paul decided to stop buying things for an entire year. There were rules of course - if something broke or wore out they could decide to replace it. But they stopped going to movies, eating out, splurging on fancy food items (wine was a bone of contention), even buying presents. The book (so far) is set up like a diary and very readable. The problem with a book entitled Not Buying It about the subject it is, is that it makes it hard to purchase. And so I didn't. I ordered it through interlibrary loan at my college and Cornell's copy should be winging its way to me as we speak.

One of the first things they did was take an inventory of their home. The book doesn't go into great detail as their exercise was mostly to figure out which goods were necessary and which, when they ran out, would not be replaced. It got me thinking: what if I did an inventory of my home? A literal list of everything I own. How many books, pairs of pants, tchotchkies, bottle of various hair/face/body goos, craft supplies (not to mention unfinished projects) do I have? How horrified would I be by the sheer amount of stuff? It's an interesting question.

As you know, I have been slowly simplifying my life and purging my belongings. At the moment there is a large pile of the results of several recent purges sitting on my living room floor. And another of things I want to sell somehow (eBay? Consignment shop?) sitting in my office/craft room/guest room. At this point my problem is not purging per se, but getting the, pardon my french, shit out of my house.

I need to add "Write an inventory of my house" to my To Do list like a I need a hole in the head. But now that the idea has entered my brain...

Stay tuned. There may be a blogged list in our future.

* while drinking my $3 Starbucks mocha latte.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I love being 30!

You know why?

Because it saves me money.

My Geico bill dropped by $25/month - that's $300 a year!

Then, my employer brought their contribution to my retirement account up from 3% to 5%. That's a 2% raise without even really earning it. All I did was get older. And I have no control over that whatsoever. Who knew?

I also think I am getting smarter now that I'm 30. Or at least I'm finally getting around to the things I should have been doing - like electronic bill pay through my bank. It's free. It's easy. It saves me on stamps and considering that I'm still catching up my 37 cent supply with the 39 cent demand and usually putting 3 stamps on one envelope to make up the difference, that's also a time saver. I just paid my first bill electronically just a moment ago. It's surprisingly freeing.

Now if only I'd already changed my name and address on my license, updated my passport, and got my car inspected I'd be all set with the grown-up stuff.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Autumnal August

Don't get me wrong, I love Fall. It's one of my four favorite seasons.

But falling leaves, geese, and coats in the middle of August?


Yes, yes, I will grant you that I live in NH, but isn't global warming good for something?

Looking on the bright side though, it's perfect snuggling weather.

Ok then, Mother Nature, bring it on.

It's just, can you hold off on the snow just a little?

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Happy Weepy

How in the heck am I supposed to work on my thesis if I get sucked into movies like The Notebook and get all weepy? Huh? I ask you?

It's my own damn fault of course. I put the DVD in, but just to watch while I ate my lunch. An hour and a half later...

But, it has inspired me to go through and edit an interview with this very cute older couple I know. (In case you don't know The Notebook is a series of flashbacks of a relationship and we get to see them when they are both young and old. Very moving. ) Here's an exerpt of my interview:

Joe - I met my wife at a birthday party. My friend said, “Why don’t you come to the birthday party?”

I says, “I don’t know the girl whose party it is.”

He says, “You don’t have to know her. Come with me!”

So we went, and my wife was there. I never knew her before then. I knew her father and her brother but I didn’t know her. The birthday party was in the fall and then New Year’s Eve that same friend called me up and he says, “Are you going out tonight?”

I said, “No, I’m staying home.”

He says, “Why don’t you come to the dance at the Odd Fellows Dance Hall?”

I says, “Well, I haven’t got a girlfriend.”

He says, “Call Dot. She’ll go.” This is five o’clock in the evening New Years Eve.

Dot - You see how desperate I was?

Joe – And I did call her and she said yes. And that was the beginning. A couple weeks later we went to the movies.

Dot – When we graduated we had to have a white dress underneath our gown. Joe always says that’s what got me a husband. And I still have it.

Joe – She was so cute!

Golly gosh darn it. You should have heard them telling this story, as if it were the 800th telling. And maybe it was but they flowed so well together. It's actually making it very hard to edit. But I will persevere. Adios!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Worth it

What's the point of a relationship nowadays? It's no longer procreation, or survival (although combining expenses is quite helpful in that regard). So what keeps us pairing up and yearning for another to "complete" us?

My theory? It is uniquely human to want someone out there in the world to be on your side and by your side. For someone to think you are worth spending time with, worth sacrificing things for, worth risking heartache and dispair for if you should happen to shuffle off this mortal coil.

I have had two people in the last two days ask me the same question: What was it that was the final straw that broke up your marriage? When they asked me I gave them somewhat long convoluted answers, partly because I hadn't really thought about it that specifically, and partly because the process itself was long and convoluted. Having now had a chance to mull it over in my head, the answer can be distilled down to this: I realized that he didn't think I was worth it.

The actual incident, one of a long string of incidents but the one that really made me see how far we'd fallen away from each other, was my birthday (hence my mini-freak out when I was thought Friendster Guy was going to repeat history). In my X's mind - or at least in his actions - I was not worth taking five minutes and making reservations for. Obviously this little thing was not the end itself but a culmination of a series of events where I realized more and more that I was not only second on his list of priorities, but sometimes even third and fourth. And there were many actions that led me to this conclusion. Most very small but when added up the sum of the parts was greater than the whole. He'd take off a day of work to drive down to NJ to play dungeons & dragons with his buddies but not to spend time with me. He'd call and order pizza when he was hanging out with his friends but if I suggested he pick up the phone and place an order there was no end to the whining. He didn't want me to go to conferences with him because he didn't feel comfortable bringing me (having worked as a conference coordinator I knew that spouses were welcome and even planned for but he didn't seem to get this).

This post was not supposed to be a rant against my X but an affirmation that if you are in a relationship where the other person doesn't make you seem worth it, get out. I have two friends who have recently broken up with their boyfriends. One relationship held a lot of promise but extenuating circumstances and logic brought it to an end (logic, when applied to a relationship, has never been the best idea). The other should have ended long ago but, as we all do, my friend held out hope that it would get better. After all, the longer you're in a relationship the closer you're supposed to get, right?

But how long do you wait? If you're moving at different speeds, as two people in a relationship often are, how do you know when the slower person has caught up, or is never going to? I think that in the interim it's about feeling worth it. If your significant other hasn't caught up with you on relationship milestones (they haven't said I love you, they aren't interested in co-habitation, you see wedding rings and they don't) it's generally ok and you can live with it as long as the rest of the time you feel worth it in their eyes.

When your significant other won't hold your hand or begrudgingly holds it for 5 seconds and then bats it away (as my X did) you don't feel worth it. You can't understand why they don't either want to be seen with you or they don't feel the need to show they care about you. When you never feel like your partner ever thinks about you when you're apart, you wonder, am I not worth caring about?

But you ARE worth caring about. And it's important to be shown, in whatever ways your partner is comfortable, that you're worth it. There are times of course when it's difficult to translate what makes a person feel worth it, even to yourself. It took me awhile to not take it personally when FG signed up for overtime. Lots of overtime. My first thought was, "Am I not worth giving up an OT shift for? Am I not worth spending time with?" But I determined that it wasn't about me at all. And he shows me in more very (very) subtle ways that he is thinking of me and I AM worth it. Instead of just taking the OT he now calls and asks if it is all right. I know that he's already 95% committed to the OT but just knowing that I popped into his head as someone who may have a stake in the situation makes me know he thinks I'm worth it. Him including me in the decision also takes some of the sting away from not seeing him for awhile. Believe me, I'm still disappointed, but I'm not angry, and I move forward and make other plans more quickly - instead of wallowing in self-pity. And I'd like to think I showed him that he is worth it by driving twenty miles out of my way to deliver him and his co-workers homemade ice cream (I've made three batches in my new machine - chocolate, peach gelato, and Cherry Garcia!)

I don't know if this post makes any sense. I have lots of thought floating around in my head as a result of my friends' breakups and people asking me about the end of my marriage. I'm just not sure if it translates here.

If you get one thing out of this post, remember, you're worth it. And if you aren't feeling that from your partner - find someone else.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I was thinking.

Here's a thought - whether we bring an end to terrorism or achieve world peace or what have you, some cataclysmic force beyond our control, some act of God, Mother Nature, or pick your supreme being/natural force, could totally wipe us out despite ourselves.

And yet, I find it comforting that something outside of ourselves -a meteor, extreme seismic activity, a virus - could be our undoing. It makes our petty squabbling seem pretty stupid and useless and puts everyone on the same playing field - except of course for those people who get to hide in the big cave in case we actually see the meteor before it stikes a la Deep Impact. Or those who get the vaccine because they live in a wealthy country or know the right people.

Hey, I didn't say it was a happy thought.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Nary a sign of Vinnie Delpino or Wanda

Guess who I saw while I was in Williamstown this weekend!

Doctor Doogie Houser himself, Neil Patrick Harris. In the first play he was seated 5 rows behind me. In the second he was only two seats almost directly behind me. So close that I could hear his conversation. I think he was being bothered by some old lady he didn't really know. He seemed very polite though. I'm guessing he was there to see his friend and co-actor David Burtka who was in an episode of How I Met your Mother and was performing in the new musical The Opposite of Sex (based on the movie of the same name).

And guess who else! Faye Freakin' Dunaway. She walked right by my Mom and I wearing a big floppy hat and showing signs of a few too many times under the knife.

I love Williamstown.

Aside: Doogie Houser was kind of like the original blogger, wasn't he? He typed his journal on what we would now call the blue screen of death and even though he wasn't sharing it on the world wide web, he was sharing it with us in TV land. Very bloggerlike. Ahead of his time that Doogie. Stupid name, but quite brilliant despite that.

Friday, August 11, 2006

You ever stop to think...

and forget to start again?

Yeah, me too.

Happy Friday y'all. I've been listening to Standing in the Rainbow by Fannie Flagg on CD and the reader - who is awesome by the way (I'm too lazy to go look at the cover in the car to tell you who it is...Kate Reading (ironic isn't it) or something - has been giving the characters Missouri accents so I've been finding myself using long drawn out vaguely southern words and phrasing here and there. I started to listen to Tony Morrison's Love but had to give up because she was the reader and her voice was modulating too much and I couldn't hear her half the time. Especially with my car windows down.

This post is pretty much a cop out with no point but I feel like I've been neglectful of the blog, and pretty much everything else of late. Summer is my busy season. I don't know why. I don't even know exactly what I've done these last few months but my weekends have been full and I've been enjoying myself. I'm not busy in the harried stressful sense, just socially. Flitting from one event to another. Tomorrow I'm off to join my mother at the Williamstown Theater Festival where I will be seeing Emmy Rossum (of the movie Phantom of the Opera) in Romeo and Juliet. She's Juliet. I was there a few weekends ago and was waiting outside a cabaret they put on during the weekends and I rubbed elbows with several celebrities (They didn't know we were rubbing elbows. They just thought we were standing in line for a performance.) In addition to Emmy, I saw Judging Amy's Amy Brenneman, Sharon Lawrence of NYPD Blue, and ER's Jeannie Boulet (Gloria Reuben). I was so close I was overhearing their conversations. Actually, that's not true of Miss Lawrence but I did see her in Anything Goes. I also saw Richard from Caroline in the City. He was hilarious. I'm looking forward to celebrity spotting with my Mom. Of course we play it cool and quiet but as soon as we get in the car it's "Oh my god!" giggle giggle!

P.S. Friendster Guy and I are waiting for water to boil and making silly faces at one another. Because, as we all know, a watched pot never boils so whatever you can do to avoid watching the pot is a good thing.

P.P.S. FG is now wearing a headlamp for night skiing and he has turned out the overhead light to torture me with it. I hope the water boils soon. It could get downright silly in here.

P.P.P.S. Dinner's ready!

Monday, August 07, 2006

Gadgets and gizmos aplenty

I made ice cream tonight.

Chocolate ice cream.

With the new ice cream maker I got from my Mom for my birthday.

This could be a very bad development. Or very good.

Very, very good.

Hand me a spoon wouldja?


I'd like to give a shout out to my friend B-Luv who broke up with her long term boyfriend recently and needs a little pick me up.
Here's some e-love B!
Love, Sassy

Friday, August 04, 2006

If men are from Mars then women are from a whole 'nuther universe. Or vice versa.

Otherwise titled: Why Sassy Pants threw herself a post-birthday-eve party pity party.

Friendster Guy and I had a communication misunderstanding of epic, potentially catastrophic, proportion. What was not expressed in my last post about my birthday was that after my Birthday Eve party I cried myself to sleep thinking I was going to have a repeat of last year's birthday - an event, or lack thereof, that was pretty much the straw that broke my marriage's back.

Awhile back I had sent Friendster Guy an email saying something along the lines of "I would like to go out to dinner somewhere nice for my birthday. Here are some options. Surprise me."

What I meant was "For the love of all things good and pure in this world, do not make me plan my own birthday."

What he translated it to mean was, "If* you make plans, do NOT tell her you did. Surprise her."

So, FG, being the wall of unreadableness that he is, can carry off a "surprise" really well. So well in fact that from 10pm August 2nd to 6:30pm August 3rd I was in a funk of grand proportions thinking that there were no plans for my birthday. My friend N also got the same impression from things FG said at my birthday-eve party, but was still rooting for him to come through. I was not so hopeful and entered a spiral of self-doubt and depression ending somewhere around "Oh my god I can't be with this person if he doesn't understand how important this is." The kind of spiral where you have the fleeting "Maybe I'll get hurt somehow (car accident, loss of appetite to the point of starvation, random kidnapping) and won't that show him! He won't know how good I am and how much he cares about me until it's too late!" Women - I know you are nodding your head saying, "been there, done that". Men - I'm sure you are just horrified that we'd even go there. But we do. Oh yes, we do.

FG knew about the horrible happenings around my birthday last year so I was absolutely panicked thinking the lesson hadn't sunk in. Obviously I am still nursing old wounds. They got re-opened a little in the last couple days. Luckily for my sanity and his safety, FG came through and had reservations at a nice restaurant. We had a lovely dinner and a discussion of the funk - what it meant, where it came from, how it could be avoided in the future. I have been defunkified.

I'd like to offer a piece of advice to all my male readers:
It is not the thought that counts, it is the effort. What do I mean? It is one thing to think about doing something for your lady or think something about your lady. It is another thing to somehow make that thought escape the confines of your brain and actually take shape in the real world. Have you put any amount of effort into letting her know you care about her? Not just on her birthday but every day? If you are thinking she looks cute, say it! If you were thinking about buying her flowers, do it! If you were thinking about her at work, tell her somehow! Women are surprisingly easy to please. But as FG jokingly said last night, men don't even realize it's necessary to do so. BELIEVE ME, it is!

I'd like to share some words of advice from my friend** Billy Joel. Men, you should add these to your instruction book on women. We know you don't usually read the instructions but you probably already know the words. Now take a second and really listen to them.

Listen boy I don't want to see you

Let a good thing slip away
You know I don't like watching anybody
Make the same mistakes I made
She's a real nice girl and she's always there for you
But a nice girl wouldn't tell you what you should do

Listen boy I'm sure that you think
You got it all under control
You don't want somebody telling you
The way to stay in someone's soul
You're a big boy now and you'll never let her go
But that's just the kind of thing she ought to know

Tell her about it, tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason to accept that you're for real
Tell her about it, tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her, let her know how much she means

Listen boy, it's not automatically a certain guarantee
To insure yourself, you've got to provide
Communication constantly
When you love someone, you're always insecure
And there's only one good way to reassure

Tell her about it, let her know how much you care
When she can't be with you, tell her you wish you were there
Tell her about it, everyday before you leave
Pay her some attention, give her something to believe

Cause now and then, she'll get to worrying
Just because you haven't spoken for so long
Though you may not have done anything
Will that be a consolation when she's gone?

Listen boy, it's good information
From a man who's made mistakes
Just a word or two that she gets from you
Could be the difference that it makes
She's a trusting soul, she's put her trust in you
But a girl like that won't tell you what you should do

Tell her about it, tell her everything you feel
Give her every reason to accept that you're for real
Tell her about it, tell her all your crazy dreams
Let her know you need her, let her know how much she means

Tell her about it
Tell her how you feel right now
Just tell her about it
The girl don't want to wait too long
You got to tell her about it
Tell her now and you won't go wrong
You got to tell her about it
Before it gets too late
You got to tell her about it
You know the girl don't want to wait
You got to tell her about it
You got to tell, tell, tell her about it
Tell her about it

Pay particular attention to this verse:
Cause now and then, she'll get to worrying
Just because you haven't spoken for so long
Though you may not have done anything
Will that be a consolation when she's gone?

I am an expert at this kind of worrying. Mostly because my past experience was a slow and steady decline into nothingness. I don't want the nothingness! I want to know what you are thinking so I don't have to wonder what you are thinking. Or discover I'm not being thought about at all.

Men - the technology age is both your friend and your enemy. Use it wisely. The immediacy of email does funny things with time. One hour now feels like five if you haven't responded. And 24 hours is an eternity. Your girlfriend (or spouse) is totally freaking out that you don't love them anymore. They are entering the top of the spiral into self-doubt. It ain't pretty, but it's true. Technology can also be your friend though. Text messaging is perfect. It's short, it's easy, and it does the job. A quick "Hey there!", "XOXOXO", "Thinking of U", "Miss U" or, if you're in this stage, "Luv U" would do so much to ease her mind (MY mind - FG. You getting this?) it's not even funny. And if you are seeing her in person, a compliment is never out of line. And if you're in one part of the house and she's in another, feel free to shout, "Hey, I miss you!"

Go out and make her day boys! Be a hero. It's really not that hard.

* Apparently there was still the potential for no plans. Luckily, he managed to dodge the bullet on this one.

** Not my actual friend but a damn wise man.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Birthday Wish

Happy Birthday to Me!
Happy Birthday to Me!
Happy Birthday to MEEEEE!
Happy Birthday to ME!!!!

Yup, it's my birthday. I am the big 30. And that's pretty cool.

Here's an odd thought for my birthday. I'm reading Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything and in it he talks about atoms and how there are so many atoms that we're all made of billions of them. And those billions of atoms were all part of people and creatures that came before us, over and over again. We're all recycled from the past. And that's humbling.

On that note, my birthday wish is that everyone follow the Bill &Ted philosophy - "Be excellent to each other." Because you never know when you will be, or have already been, each other.