Monday, April 30, 2007

Free Hugs Campaign. (music by Sick Puppies album out April3)

I don't know why, but when I see him get his first hug, I get all teary eyed. Then I went to Freehugscampaign.org and found out the lady's cat had died that day and it was the anniversary of her daughter's death and I got even more choked up.

Something so simple...

Friday, April 27, 2007

Simply Red- Stars

Ignoring the fact that this guy kind of looks like the love child of Boy George and Weird Al, I love, love, love this song.

I think all three songs I just posted were from 1991 or thereabouts. I was in 9th grade and probably deep in the midst of adolescent swooning for anything vaguely romantic. I can't say much has changed since then.

Because no one can watch just one

I love this song: Lisa Stansfield - All Woman.

This is sort of non sequitor, but last night a random thought popped into my head, as random thoughts often do. I took this thought and kind of mulled it over. The thought was that I was with my X for a total of 10 years and yet I have as much feeling for him now as I would for an acquaintance I don't really know. I wouldn't exactly use the words "dead to me" but that's kind of how I feel. It seems so odd that someone who was around for literally a third of my life would mean so little but there you have it. Strange.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

that's not the movement I was expecting

Yesterday there was an incident. Nothing tragic or life threatening, just slightly embarassing, yet absolutely, amusingly bloggable. I couldn't have made this stuff up if I'd tried.

So yeah. I passed out while on the commode. Stone cold, out on the linoleum, someone get me some smelling salts, underwear around the ankles, fainted dead away.

At work.

Oy.

But I'm ok now. Nothing a little TLC from the handsome paramedic I'm sleeping with couldn't cure.

So what happened was this [Warning potential TMI ahead.]:

I was in the bathroom and apparently I bore down just a wee bit to hard. That coupled with my propensity toward low blood pressure and a possible dehydrated state lead to light headedness and those black clouds in my vision. I sat up quickly thinking, "whoa, that's one hell of a poop." Next thing I know I'm waking up thinking, "I could have sworn I already got up for work today. Wait...this isn't my bed, it's linoleum!"

Luckily, the bathroom is a one holer. Unluckily, it's about 20 feet long and the toilet is the farthest thing from the door. I proceded to get myself pulled together but then felt really, really nauseous. I had to work my way veerry sloowwly from the toilet, to the sink, to the trashcan, unlock the door, go back to the trashcan, prop the door with my foot while leaning on the trashcan, and then sort of call for my co-worker while not vomiting at the same time. They brought me a rolling chair and wheeled me into the more dignified space of my office suite where I sat for a long time gazing into the bottom of my office trashcan. Friendster Guy was called and he came and got me. I was wheeled out of the building, managed to get in the car, have the car back up about 10 feet and then puked my guts out in the trashbag my co-workers kindly provided. I felt infinitely better after that though.

I tell you what, there's nothing quite so bonding as having to answer your boyfriend's medical questions with words like, "bearing down" and "bowel movement" and then throwing up in his car. The man must love me because he then spent the next two hours making sure I wasn't going to keel over and die, and then called me every hour from work after that. Then, when all threat of vomiting had abaited, he took me out to Chinese. I love that man.

Anyway, after I was home and on my couch watching 6 hours of LOST on DVD, the whole incident was pretty hilarious. My sister agreed. We have spent a lot of time on the phone over the last 24 hours cracking up about it. "And there I was, panties around my ankles, on the floor at work! Har har har!" I'm actually not sure right now if the muscle pain in my back is from the fall (I have a little bruise on my forehead and shoulder) or from all the laughing. My brother-in-law says he's going to get me a toiletry kit that includes a helmet and a seatbelt. Nice.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

It's a boy!



No, I am not with child. But I am with nephew. Above is the ultrasound of the little bugger gestating. In case you can't quite make out the image right a way, he's in profile, looking up, possibly sucking his thumb.
This next picture is even worse for illiciting a Rachael Green, "I can't see the baby!" response. Supposedly, the picture below is looking up at the baby, as in the baby is sitting on the camera and facing the lower left corner. That little triangle pointing southwest, attached to the larger triangle pointing northeast is apparently what indicates the masculine gender of my sister's second child.


I'll just take the doctor's word for it.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank my sister for providing my four parents (if you include step) with grandchildren so that it takes the pressure off of me.

Amen and pass the birth control.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Freedom and Equal Pay

Now that I am thesis free, I don't know what to do with myself. I have nothing looming over my head forcing me to care about time management. Or to make me feel guilty for watching my Netflix DVDs. In fact, not having a thesis to work on has kind of taken the fun out of doing things I "shouldn't" be doing. Now, when I watch an entire DVD worth of LOST, I feel like a lazy bum instead of like I'm rewarding myself for all the work I've done. Free time is now actually free instead of a trade off.

Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely enjoying the freedom. Oh yes, I'm enjoying it with wild abandon. Or at least as much abandon as I can handle as a white, female, lower-middle class liberal New Englander. (We aren't necessarily known for our wild abandon.) It's just interesting to see what I've lost from my gains.

-------------------------------------------------

Speaking of gains, "today is Equal Pay Day, which is observed to symbolically represent the wage gap between men and women. To match the earnings of men in 2006, women have to work an extra four months - from January '06 through April 24, 2007."

There's something about actually "seeing" the disparity that knocks you off your feet. Like seeing the amount of weight you've lost (or need to lose) in hamburger. It makes you want to say, "Are you kidding me?!"

Monday, April 23, 2007

How I celebrated Earth Day

I celebrated Earth Day yesterday by not getting out of bed until 11 (nothing got turned on before noon except me) and then conserved water by co-showering.

I also recycled a printer and a scanner at a local collection place, but the conserving water thing was way more fun.

Friday, April 20, 2007

You want fries with that?

Good lord, I've found a way to both procrastinate and stick it to the man. "The man" in this case being McDonald's and Hummer.

From this website:
McDonald's often emphasizes its "long-standing global commitment to environmental protection and leadership." So why did they give away 42 million toy Hummers in Happy Meals? The fast-food chain that helped make our kids the fattest on Earth cut a deal with General Motors to sell future car buyers on the fun of driving a supersized, smog-spewing, gas-guzzling SUV originally built for the military. Use the Ronald McHummer Sign-O-Matic™ to say what you think of this misguided marketing marriage.


You can go here to make your own. My personal favorites are these two:



I feel really bad about this, but now I kinda want a Fish Filet and some fries. Seriously, I'm like Pavlov's dog here with my mouth watering. Damn.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Breaking through the armor

This post at this random blog (Geek Girl) I bookmarked long ago for no apparent reason and somehow decided to visit today helped me gain a little more perspective on the whole Virginia Tech shooting. I guess the news just wasn't giving me enough of the human perspective. It was too glossy. Too...newsy.

I don't think I ever even heard of the shooting she's talking about.

Shout out

Congratulations to Vanessa over at Fried Dreams. She just got engaged. Yeah Vanessa!

I'm not knocking Vanessa's fiance's proposal (because it appears that his method was exactly right for Vanessa), but if anyone out there (you know who you are) gets the idea of using a text message to propose, put that thought right out of your mind. Not that I'm gunning for a proposal*, and a text message would be kind of funny, but a person's got to kick it up a notch. I'm just saying.


* Seriously, I'm not. FG - Push that heart back down from your throat into your chest cavity and put your head between your knees. Inhale...exhale...

Blogging yourself out of your comfort zone

A very old friend of mine (we're talking 8th gradeish), Justin M, posted a comment a couple posts ago thanking me for the learning experience resulting from my posts complaining about IUDs, PMS and other womanly problems. Justin happens to be one of my ex-boyfriends from high school (twice) and is now a good friend of mine.

I have to say, there is something about blogging, especially anonymously (although people I actually know who read this know who I am), because if Justin were standing in front of me right now, despite having known him since I was 14, there is no way I would be regaling him with stories about female lubrication. I probably wouldn't even feel comfortable talking about cramps, even if I was curled into the fetal position in a booth at Pizzeria Unos and he wanted to know why.

I don't know if I'm behind the curve or what, but actually talking about things like periods, birth control, and sex is not something I do well. It's SO much easier to blog about them and send them out into the ether. I'm still not 100% comfortable even talking to Friendster Guy about these things, but I'm getting better because he's very...I don't know...clinical about it? Or maybe I should say straight forward. Like it's no big deal. As for me, anytime the topic may turn to periods or whatever, I still want to pull a Beavis and Butthead, "heh heh, he said period! heh heh." I don't know what it is about FG, but I feel less adolescent during those conversations and more...womanly. Something about his tone makes me realize that I don't have to giggle and stammer and that I can just address these issues head on like I'm talking about car repair instead of genitalia. It's still not easy, but I can now do it with a minimum of wanting to crawl into a hole and die.

However, it is still infinitely easier to just blog it. I have to admit, I do pause for a second in my typing anytime the word "lubrication" or other similar terms/topics come up. I still want to blush like a school girl. And this despite a heck of a lot of sex education. It shouldn't be so embarassing, but it is. [A note to all the sex education teachers out there: it may be helpful to have girls (and boys) actually talk about the things you are teaching them. Make them say the word "vagina" out loud. The more you do it, the more comfortable you are (and the more likely you are to be safe).]

Is there a topic you feel more comfortable blogging than talking about in "real life"? Is there a topic you'd like to know more about that I can blog? I'm here not only to blab about my life but perhaps to educate at the same time. I'm taking your questions today a la Ann Landers. What do you want to know? Hit me.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

It's tragic, but look at our ratings!

I'm having a hard time with the shootings at Virginia Tech, but not in the way you might think. Of course it is horrible. It's awful, tragic, maddening, and all those other things bad events like this should be. Hell, I even work on a college campus so this should be hitting me pretty close to home.

However.

The main emotion I feel is indifferent. I feel jaded. Ho hum. Lackadaisical.

What the heck kind of emotional response is that? Perhaps it is a knee jerk reaction to all the news coverage using phrases like "the worst campus shooting EVER!!!" Bigger than the University of Texas! Bigger than Columbine! Like the shooter won some kind of jackpot. The media makes it seem like entertainment. The scariest thing was when I thought, "Only 33 people? Whatever. What's on TLC?"

If I'm feeling jaded* by it all, I can imagine some sicko thinking, "I bet I could take out at least 50 before they got me." I don't even think it would be a stretch for someone to put something like this on the table as the ultimate reality show. I can see it now, "Killing Spree - the person who dies with the most kills wins."


* Perhaps I am jaded by the fact that that many innocent civilians die in random bombings and shootings in Iraq practically every day.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Mayhaps I spoke too soon?

UPDATE: I must have pissed off the gods of PMS with my last post because I am having the most hideously bad cramps right now. My period, although currently whacked out by the shock to my system of the IUD, should not be coming for another two weeks. Why my boobs are sore and my innards are twisting, I do not know. Given that I haven't had cramps in years, I'm really not appreciating this new turn of events.

I also just happen to have my two week IUD check-up in a couple of hours. They want to make sure it's still in there. Since right now I'm having difficulty curling out of the fetal position on my desk chair, I'm not sure how excited I am about the prospect of a speculum.

I'm going to go raid my coworkers' desks for Advil.

Bolux!

TMI: IUD

Apparently, I am not the only one to have experienced the IUD insertion from hell. My long time friend, Jennifer, (I've known this lady since we were 16 or so, a whole half lifetime ago) also lived to tell the tale of the IUD. And she's singing it's praises.

I'm not yet singing, but I'm doing some warm up excercises. Mi mi mi mi mi... Although the insertion itself was really, really, really unpleasant (I'd advise anyone going to get one to have a designated driver), the Mirena IUD itself has been a good thing so far. I don't have to think about it, I only had spotting for a couple days, and despite the fact that I was supposed to have my period the day of the insertion, it never came. I dried up like the Sahara (more on that in a moment). I still have a few more weeks before I get my next scheduled period so I don't know yet what to expect. I'm hoping to be one of the 20% of women who stop getting their period altogether on Mirena. Fingers crossed.

Speaking of the Sahara, something I was hoping would happen when I replaced the Nuvaring I was on before was an increase in, er, lubrication. I didn't take notes or anything, but I think that ever since I started using the Nuvaring there was a little less moisture production during moments when moisture production would be a good thing. I suppose a ring full of hormones that close to the organs and tissue involved can't help but change things. I never read that decreased lubrication was a side effect of the Nuvaring but maybe for other women it is not. Maybe because they can now throw caution to the wind they are ready and rarin' to go. Not so in my case. Now, however, I can report that, in the last few weeks, moisture has not been a problem. And as Martha Stewart would say, "It's a good thing."

Men have no idea how good they have it that they don't have to think about stuff like this. I will report that, when I told Friendster Guy how much the procedure hurt, he looked like he wanted to go over to my OB/Gyn's office and bash some heads, or at least harshly berate them for not using more painkillers. My hero. : )

Monday, April 16, 2007

Today I feel...


I did some thinking (I generally try to keep that to a minimum) and discovered that since the fall of 2003 I have been continually working under a Masters related deadline. To get to this point, I took 8 classes back to back to back, including in the summer, and then I went straight into my thesis in the fall of 2005. So, for the last three and a half years (almost as long as my undergraduate career! Holy smokes!), I have had something due all the time: a term paper, a report, a presentation, a thesis. I don't even remember what it feels like to have guilt-free free time where I'm not thinking, 'I should probably be working on [insert Master related project here] instead of [watching TV, spending time with friends and family, reading this magazine, paying my bills, doing the dishes, watering my plants, living my life, etc...]"

I have yet to fully realize what not having a thesis to do anymore will mean to my life. For now, I'm going to enjoy the hell out of not having anything specific to accomplish. If that means that tonight I watch all four episodes of LOST on the dvd I just got from Netflix, so be it.

P.S. Thanks for all the congrats in my last post!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Oh happy day!

Guess what, guess what, guess what!!!

I just turned in my thesis. My signed, sealed, printed on bond paper, official thesis.

I'm done. Done, done, done!

Not a bad way to end the week!

Hate Crime Prevention

Forgive the canned language but I thought I should share:

Did you know that current federal hate crime laws don't protect everyone?

The US has had a federal hate crimes law on the books since 1969, and it has never included crimes targeting victims because of their gender, gender identity, sexual orientation or disability. Congress is about to consider a bill that would change that. It would also help under-funded law enforcement officials investigate and prosecute hate crimes. Tell your representative to support this bill.

Here's something else that may shock you -- one in six hate crimes are motivated by the victim's sexual orientation. And currently, the federal government can't even investigate most of these crimes or help bring the criminals to justice. In past years, conservative right wing groups have blocked attempts to expand hate crimes laws. They're gearing up for another fight now, so we need to make sure our representatives do the "right" thing and support this landmark law.

In my mind, there's no question that including all hate crimes in federal law doesn't constitute "special treatment," as some right wing groups would have us believe - there's nothing special about wanting to live safely and without fear of violence. That's something everyone deserves.

That last paragraph is interesting. Because of the political leanings of Friendster Guy, I now tend to take a second look at what the government is doing. On the one hand, I can understand someone thinking that murder is murder or assault is assault, and that it should be punished accordingly. However, if someone is going to give me "special treatment" because of my gender or sexual orientation, i.e. they are going to hurt me simply because I am who I am, not because I did something to prompt it, then they should get "special treatment" when it comes to sentencing.

Sure, there are crazy people out there who do bad things simply because they are crazy. But then there are "normal" people who do bad things simply because they hate something about a person. It scares them so they have to destroy it. Having seen first hand some of the hate and rage people can harbor against other people, specifically homosexuals, for no reason whatsoever except prejudice, I support including sexual orientation in hate crime laws.

What's interesting is that I'm hesitating at including gender. I'm trying to understand why I'm hesitating. The only thing that keeps going through my head is how many hate crimes that would end up being. Would every rape, every incident of domestic violence, every crime against a woman be a hate crime? When I was assaulted in high school, it wasn't hate that I experienced, it was indifference. The boys/men involved didn't hate me. It didn't seem to be anger that prompted them. It was pure indifference. They didn't even see me as a person. I wasn't different from any other woman that was going to happen by. They didn't care who I was. All they cared about was my gender. And I guess, in that sense, it was like a hate crime because all that mattered was that I was female, not that I'd done anything to provoke them. I suppose if they had any respect for women, they wouldn't have done what they did. You can't respect anything you hate.

So maybe it was a hate crime.

I'd welcome your thoughts.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Sun Kings - Pump it

As mentioned in my last post.

Love it!

Sun King - Hey Ya

It's good to see all that discipline and training being put to good use. And that they have an outlet for their stress.

Very entertaining!

Also see YouTube for them doing Pump It.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

One day at a time

Quick! Stop the presses! This is horrible, just horrible. I don't know how the world is going to cope with this news. It's just...I can't even...Life as we know it can't go on! Not with headlines like this in the news:

Valerie Bertinelli - Ready to Get Slim: The TV star, now a size 14, vows to lose 30 lbs, and opens up about finding love after her split from Eddie Van Halen.



According to the Table of Contents: "Actress Valerie Bertinelli opens up about being "fat," finding love after Eddie Van Halen and her public vow to lose weight."


First, I would like to say that wearing a white muumuu on the cover of a magazine does not make one fat. It does however make me question her judgement and/or the judgement of the shoot coordinators. Even Kate Moss could almost pull off girth in a muumuu. Second, size 14 is not "fat." I've been there, and although I didn't really like it, it wasn't a death sentence. Look how cute and happy Valerie looks (except that she's thinking, "I can't f'ing believe they put me in this f'ing muumuu. I'm going to kill my agent.")


Would you ever see a headline like that for a male actor? I can't imagine they'd put John Travolta on the cover of a magazine in a muumuu. In fact, they'd probably applaud him for breaking the mold, or aging gracefully. But poor 47 year old, 5'4" Valerie has to talk about how she's going to lose weight - in tandem with the breakup of her marriage. At least we know she's like every woman - hitting the Ben and Jerry's for comfort. You go Valerie. I like her more already.


The problem is, Valerie is a sitcom star - or could be again. EXCEPT, producers don't allow women in sitcoms to have any body fat unless they are the wise cracking comic relief, a la Mimi on the Drew Carey show or Berta on Two and a Half Men. However, the men (Drew Carey, Jim Belushi, Tony Soprano) get to be way larger than a size 14 and no one says a peep. The woman in those shows all have to be 100 pounds and double D. The men just have to have double chins.


Good luck Valerie. I hope you find happiness. Just know that it doesn't necessarily come from wearing size 6 jeans.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Careful, your search is showing

The following search strings led people to this blog over the past week:

  1. girl vomit (Is this different from boy vomit? Maybe the searcher was trying to find out.)
  2. sex for dummies ( This one led multiple people here, or the same person multiple times. Sorry searchers, I'm pretty sure I don't provide any pointers here. I'd be willing to take some though.)
  3. sexy outtie belly button (mine happens to be an innie, but sexy nonetheless)
  4. boy in wet underoos (I'm fairly certain we don't want to know.)
  5. schoolboy fantasies of my aunt's buttocks (This is my personal favorite. Mostly because of the word "buttocks," and how proper it appears to be while being naughty nonetheless.)

Welcome perverts and random strangers. Bask in all that is Big Girl Underoos. I hope you find, if not what you are looking for, then something else you may need or that brings you joy. And if you keep looking for "boys in wet underoos," may the proper authorities find you first.

Monday, April 09, 2007

What do you get when you mix ESP with PMS?

You know that feeling where you just know you are forgetting something?

About 15 minutes before I left for work this morning, I got that feeling. It was intermingled with a good dose of unfounded anxiety and annoyance so that the result was I felt angry for no reason at something unknown.

I left my apartment still feeling off, but not being able to figure out what it was. I don't have any meetings today. No impending deadlines. I wasn't feeling pissed about having to go to work (although that would have accounted for the annoyance if I were).

I think it was a self-fulfilling prophesy because when I got to work, I realized that, despite feeling like I was forgetting something and therefore being careful when I gathered all my things together, I'd forgotten my purse at home. That doesn't really throw my world off kilter too horribly, but it does mean my cell phone is at home, as well as my little USB memory thingy that my thesis is on. Since I wanted to print out my thesis today (Despite everything, I somehow managed to remember to bring the bond paper with me), that's annoying, and aggravating. I may take a ride home at lunch to get it. It will be a pain, but I really want to cross this thesis off my To Do list.

I hope there isn't another shoe somewhere waiting to drop. If anyone I know had something bad happen to them at 6:50 this morning when I got this feeling, it may freak me out a little. I'm ok with forgetting a purse, but having premonitions about bad things happening...not so much. And since I don't have my cell phone, I won't hear about it until after work. Yup, I'm totally going home at lunchtime.

P.S. "I have a falcetto child?" Is from Overboard with Goldie Hahn.

Friday, April 06, 2007

"I have a falceto child?"

YouTube is like CRACK! Now I'm just doing this because I can. I haven't heard this song in, like, oh my god, forever. (My inner tween is escaping).

Quick, who can tell me what movie the subject of this post comes from? It has nothing to to with NKOTB, except for being reminded of it because of Jordan's voice. How I remember that that one is named Jordan I don't know. Hmmm...let's see Joey, Jordon, Donnie, and...Joanie and Chachie? No clue about the other two.

NKOTB - Please don't go girl

Joey's MINE Biatches!

Seriously, I'm actually getting chills while I listen to this. I have apparently awoken my inner tween.

And yes, I am skeeved out by just how young Joey is in this video. Still -he grew up to be worthy of my crush.

I Wanna Sex You Up - Color Me Badd

Oh hell. I just can't stop. Here's one going out to you Celebrate Woo Woo (http://twoboys4me.blogspot.com/2007/04/color-me-fatuous.html).

I carried a watermelon.

This is the last one I swear! (See my last two posts)

There are just some songs that sweep you instantly back into a certain time of your life (whether you want them to or not). That part of my life just happens to be the mid to late 80s when I was an impressionable adolescent girl. As such, Dirty Dancing was the end all be all in romantic movies. If that's dirty, I don't ever want to be clean.

Debbie Gibson - Lost in your eyes

More Friday Entertainment.

Oh. Mah. Gawd. I'm TOTALLY getting all teenage squinshy right now from this song. I want to sigh and really FEEL things. Deeply. Sing it Debbie! I know EXACTLY what you mean. I SO can't wait for study hall today. Sigh...

P.S. Nice Hammer pants at the end there. I had those too. And the perm. And, yes, the hat. What? Like you didn't.

Note: Searching Youtube for nostalgia inducing videos is very very dangerous.

Poison - Every Rose Has Its Thorn

For your Friday afternoon entertainment (because I can't think of anything to blog about.)

I used to have boy/girl parties at my house in junior high. We'd take over my parents dining room, eat pizza, and slow dance to this song. Over and over and over. We had a very limited selection of music, particularly slow songs. This song made the girls melt but somehow was also cool/masculine enough to get the boys out on the dance floor.(Thanks MB for the use of your tape all those many years ago!)

As I write this, a little of that good ol' teenage angst is creeping back into my soul. There's nostalgia, and then there's nausea. It's a very fine line between the two.

Aside: I'd like to point out how similar their hats are to those worn by Debbie Gibson in the same era. Mayhaps I need to check Youtube for a little Shake Your Love or Lost In Your Eyes.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

The stars are aligning

I am in the process of making some interesting and exciting decisions about things in my life. Some of these decisions require spending money. Not a lot, but more than I really have budgeted for at the moment.

If I was having second thoughts about these decisions, and was trying to get out of moving forward on them, I'd have to say the universe was conspiring against me. Why? Because just yesterday, almost at the same time as I was tallying up my expenses and thinking, "Gosh, I'll be spending a lot of money. This could be tough," I got emails from two different people I know offering me money. Or at least side jobs I can do for money, effectively paying for a chunk of what I need to pay for. Making it that much more easy to move forward with what I intend to do.

Given this coincidence, I think I'm supposed to do this. I'll let you know what the "this" is when I feel more comfortable with it. And no, I am not going to have a baby (never!) or get married. Let's just say it has more to do with my career than anything else.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Pornographic Office Products

If I EVER see these mouse pads in anyone's office, I swear to god...
I'm pretty sure my Mom works with some guys who'd have these and go, "What?!" if someone questioned them about them and wouldn't have a clue as to why this is a bad idea.

Well that was unpleasant.

Or, more correctly, "holy fucking shit that hurt!" Which is what I emailed my friend this morning regarding the insertion of my new IUD.

I've taken an accounting of all the pain I've ever experienced - sprained ankle, immunizations, IV, tatoo (Granted, nothing too major) - and I would have to say, that procedure blew them all out of the water.

Imagine your worst pap smear - the pinching, the scraping - and then add a clamp onto something inside there (like a clothespin on your nostril) for the whole time, followed by the puncturing of an internal organ with a crotchet hook and you've got just about what it felt like.* If I'd have known, I would have taken Friendster Guy up on his offer to pace in the waiting room. I think I went into a wee bit of shock. I was light headed and a little shaky afterward and it induced the worst menstrual-type cramps I've ever experienced. AND I had taken 2 ibuprofen beforehand. I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening either on the couch or in bed. I'm currently still being reminded by my body that I have internal organs and they are angry with me.

All I could think afterwards was, "Oh my god, they have to remove this in 5 years. Noooooo!!!!"

I'll tell you what, I was already pro-Choice, but if that was anything at all like what people experienced during back alley abortions (and I'm sure those were a lot worse. A lot.) we better thank our lucky stars that abortion is legal, and make sure it stays that way. Hopefully, this IUD keeps me from having to travel that road either way.

* Apparently, if you've had a child the procedure is much less problematic. After all, something the size of a small paperclip cannot compare with a baby, no matter which way the paper clip is traveling.

First, the original My Humps by Black Eyed Peas

I do love this song, but...

Now Alanis Morissette's version

I don't know about you, but this video kinda makes me see how ridiculous the other one is. I still think the original song is catchy as hell though.

Monday, April 02, 2007

First Quarter 2007

Here, for no apparent reason, is a list of books I have read in the first quarter of 2007. In that time, I have also: learned how to ski, paid off my car, almost finished my thesis (it's ready to be printed!), and lost 4-5 pounds. Not too bad a first quarter if I do say so myself. And I do.


Eat, Pray, Love -Gilbert
Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia -Hornbacher
Girl, interrupted -Kaysen
The Book of Kehls -Kehl
The Namesake -Lahiri
Shop Girl -Martin, Steve
The Pleasure of My Company -Martin, Steve
Garlic and Saphhires -Reichl, Ruth
Stuffed -Volk

THIRTEEN Robert B. Parker novels: (Apparently, I read them like they're candy. Or crack.)
Sudden Mischief
Trouble in Paradise
Hush Money
Family Honor
Perish Twice
Double Play
Hugger Mugger
Potshot
Shrink Wrap
Back Story
Bad Business
Small Vices
Widow's Walk

Anyone have any suggestions on who I can start reading after I've finished Parker's series?

Love is...

...offering to go and pace in the waiting room while your girlfriend is having an IUD...er...installed.

Holy Crap!

Remember my X's $9,000 vasectomy reversal surgery paid for by his new girlfriend?

Apparently, she got her money's worth. Yup. X is "with child."

Holy crap.

And here I am agonizing about having just a conversation about possibly sometime in the future maybe moving in with Friendster Guy. Talk about your different time tables.

The urge to purge, or How I lost 20 pounds this weekend.

Spring is here, and with it comes that strange urge to clean stuff. In my case, that urge is manifesting itself in a need to purge (I never have the urge to vacuum or do windows). You wouldn't think that as a (very very very part time, i.e. wannabe) professional organizer who has moved 3 times in as many years, I would have that much stuff to purge, and yet, I do.

During any purge things generally fall into five levels of purgability. They are:
1) "Why the hell have I kept this so long?"
2) "I thought I got rid of this last time."
3) "I think I'm ready to get rid of this now."
3) "I'm not ready to part with this yet even though I never use it, have nowhere to store it, and probably should get rid of it."
4) "There is no way I'm getting rid of this."

Where a particular item lands depends on your mood on any given day, which is why it is good to purge when you are in the mood. A whole lot more goes out the door that way.

Because of my many moves, I don't have a lot of #1. This weekend, I discovered that I had a few #2 items, but I mostly tried to tackle #3 and #4.

What fell in the, "I'm not ready to part with it yet," category was a box of old letters and memorabilia I have not looked at in a decade. I went to college right on the cusp of the email phenomenon so my freshman year was all about handwritten letters to friends from high school. I was actually quite astounded by how much letter writing my friends and I did. I can't even remember the last time I wrote more than a brief thank you note by hand, but back then I was apparently all about writing pages and pages on adjusting to college life.

I'm not going to tell you it was easy, but I did manage to toss almost all of it out. On the one hand, I agonized. "No one writes letters anymore! This is my history. What if someday one of my friends gets famous? I'll totally regret throwing this out." On the other hand, it was very freeing. I did some math and, if you count moves to different dorm rooms, I have been carrying some of this stuff around for 12 moves in three different states. And I never looked at it.

In order to make the process easier, I kept a list of who the senders were. With very few exceptions, I still have contact (thanks MySpace!) with the vast majority of the people I so diligently corresponded with, at least for that one year. My goal is to send each of those people either an email, or an honest to goodness letter, reconnecting us. I don't need old pieces of paper molding away in my house. I need the actual human contact. In fact, unearthing something from my best friend in high school prompted me to stop my purging and pick up the phone to call her. We haven't spoken by phone in a year or so. She was definitely surprised to hear from me but we stayed on the phone for an hour, laughing the whole time. That was a much better feeling than holding on to the past.

And I didn't even hesitate to throw away the huge pile of cards and letters from my X, as well as an exboyfriend. I had surprisingly little nostalgia for that particular pile. Good ridence to bad rubbish, I say!