Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Oh Mah Gawd!

I walk into the gym and there, sitting at the first machine facing the door is date number 3! Holy worlds colliding. After we looked at each other and realized who we were we said hello and chatted for awhile. Actually, he chatted, I sat there all tongue tied because I was so unprepared for my on-line life to interact with my real life so quickly. He seems very nice and is very cute. And buff too. He said I had nice eyes : ) And he asked me to go out later tonight. I wisely said no. Wisely on two levels: One - I have not been in my apartment for more than an hour in at least a week and I need to do things like pay bills and do laundry, and Two - I think it was just a good idea not to jump into a date like that. He emailed me sometime soon after we parted and said I was a cutie in person too and wants to get together soon. Hee hee. A girl can use an ego boost like that. I've sent him my phone number so we can figure out when we can get together.

P.S. Friendster #1 and Date #3 have the same first name as STBX and CA Dream boy. Did any parents in the 70s name their children anything else?!!

It's official!

No, not the divorce.

I have 3 dates this weekend! I don't think I have that many cute outfits! When the hell am I supposed to shop to get some? There's nothing like jumping in with both feet.

Do you think that's bad that I'll be officially divorced on the same day as my first date? I don't. Weird maybe. But not bad.

Man oh man. Exactly.

When it rains it pours!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a date with Friendster #1 for lunch on Thursday. Yeeha! He suggested that since it is my first "meet someone on the internet" date that we start simple - not drinks or dinner. I think that was very considerate of him. He's already dated and had a relationship with other women he's met on-line. He's more seasoned than I am but he seems very nice and from his picture he's pretty cute. I seem to have developed a taste for men with glasses.

In addition, I have another date on Saturday for coffee with the Match.com guy who joked about the closets (See my last post).

AND, I'm pretty sure I'm about to be asked on another date by a different Match.com guy. After a couple of emails exchanged he just suggested we get together to talk about our travels.

In other news, my STBX and I went to the courthouse today and filed all the paperwork. Once the judge signs them on Thursday we will be officially divorced. I had told my boss that I was going to take the whole day off just in case I had some sort of emotional meltdown but it was less emotional than buying a car. STBX and I joked, talked about Christmas plans, and just parted ways with a quick hug and a silly "Happy Divorce!" Maybe it will hit me later. Maybe it won't. Until then, I'm doing fine, and going on lots of dates!

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Hi. My name is X and I'm a Match.com addict.

I've been on Match.com way too much in the last three days. I sat through dial-up hell at my Mom's just to check my email and see if anyone checked me out. And they have. And it's like crack.

I've exchanged emails with at least four guys now. None of whom seem too creepy (like you can really tell. At least they use proper punctuation and complete sentences.). The one I mentioned in my last post (the non-creepy one) made me laugh because I mentioned the closet nympho to him and he said "Who knew closets were that sexy?" Or something similar. I thought it was funny anyway.

I also emailed a guy who is a high-school teacher and doesn't want to put his photo up because he's seen some of his students lurking about Match and posting profiles. That's just not right. They can't really stop anyone from looking but if you are jailbait you shouldn't be posting. I can imagine how awkward that would be to walk into school one day and have a print out of your profile on your desk, or the board, or something. These are things I wouldn't have thought about.

I also emailed one of the cute guys from my volleyball team, but more as a "Hey there! Look at us both on Match.com!" than a "Let's go on a date" message.

Meanwhile, Friendster #1 has not yet emailed me with our date schedule so there is no update for you on that front. It's ok though, I've got Match to tide me over.

I solemly swear I will be getting off the computer after this post and going to bed. Yeah right. If you believe that I've got some swampland in Florida I'd like to sell you.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Match.com

I joined Match.com and it's totally making me giggle. Over 90 men have viewed me and 2 guys have emailed me already. Holy moses, it's raining men. The first guy to email was a little creepy. In the same paragraph where he told me his 3 years old daughter is the light of his life he also said that for the right girl he was a closet nympho. Ick. He should have kept that in the closet a little longer. But then another guy who's profile says he's gone through my masters program emailed me and was anything but creepy. I replied. We'll see what happens.

Oh! And I'm going out with Friendster #1 next week! Details are TBD but we're definitely going out!

It's a date. An actual date. Whoo hoo.

Some single friends of mine said that the best way to get a date is to already have a date scheduled. Let's begin the parade of men.

I'll keep you posted.

I'm going to go into a food coma now. I just finished Thanksgiving number 2.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I asked someone (single and straight) out

Friendster #1 is asking all the right questions to show he may be interested in me - i.e. he is asking questions about me period - but he has yet to move forward on the let's get together front. So...now that we have had one more exchange, I took it upon myself to ask him.

I emailed him and said "So, would you be interested in being my "activity partner" for a cup of coffee or drinks or something?" The "Activity partner" reference is a Friendster thing. You can indicate if you want to meet people for dating, relationships, friends, or activity partners. I didn't want to say "date" for some reason. I thought this was lighter. I hope he gets it.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Drive safely.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

There's a reason nice guys finish last

There may be something to women being attracted to bad boys. At least they start out wanting to date you. They may leave you hurting later on but at least you got to go out a couple of times.

The nice guys are thoughtful and considerate of other people's feelings. Damn them. Cute intellectual boy is declining a date because he knows my Soon To Be X, he's leaving the area in 3 months, and he's overloaded with work. All perfectly valid and even sweet excuses but that doesn't make it any less disappointing. Thank god my STBX isn't very social. If I hear "I know your STBX" as an excuse ever again I'll be very pissed. My STBX is a STBX for a reason - he didn't pay any attention to me. Why should he start now?

I've definitely moved into the angry at STBX phase. Before, I was in the "let's see how nice I can be so everyone feels ok with this decision" phase. I was hurting but I knew STBX was probably hurting more (or at least had less time to process the hurt) and my family was all concerned about him. They consider me independent and able to handle things better than he can. They are right. However, now I'm in the "I obviously went through a bunch of crap to get to the point where I wanted a divorce so I'm allowed to be pissed about it now" phase. I'm kind of enjoying it. So, yes. I'm a little peeved that my STBX is an excuse not to go on a date with me even though it makes sense and I'd probably say the same thing if the situation were reversed.

T-minus 7 days until I am officially divorced.

P.S. I flirted with two new guys at my gym last night. I even got one's name. Movin' on...

Oh! and I checked for rings.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

It's raining men

Friendster #1 has written back and told me all about his career track, which is appropriate since I asked, but he did not pursue the coffee/margarita line of inquiry. I know guys don’t necessarily get subtly but is “You’re gonna owe me a coffee or a margarita” really all that subtle? I don’t think so. We’ll continue the conversation and see what happens. I have now asked him if his job requires odd hours or him being on call. At least then I’ll know when a date might be scheduled. And if I have to do the asking I will.

In other news, California Dream Boy – heretofore known as my good friend in California – and I had a nice phone conversation last night. He called me (granted it was after I left him a couple of messages and an email or two but still, he came through) and we talked for about an hour. It was nice to get some of the weirdness out. Although there didn’t really seem to be too much. I made sure to talk about the elephant in the room however. Otherwise we could have had a lovely hour of small talk and not have moved beyond my confession of undying love (for the record, the undying love is dead). Surprisingly, it turns out I am not the first of his female friends to declare their affections. What is it about this guy that makes us want to have a relationship with him, and yet he’s never in one? He’s cute, smart, nice … the perfect guy I suppose. I’ve known him for a decade and I still have no idea what he’s looking for. It’s apparently not me or this other woman who confessed. May all three of us find whatever we’re looking for.

Let’s add another male to my potential date roster. My friend/co-worker N and I went to a hockey game last weekend and while the seats began to fill she pointed out this pretty cute, in an intellectual kind of way, guy a few rows from us. She explained she was at a party a few months back when I was still married and met him and she instantly thought he would be perfect for me. Since I was married nothing came of it. Now, of course, all bets are off. The weird part is that once the seats filled in it turned out he’s friends with a big group of my friends. But it’s all the friends I know through my ex-husband and his grad program. In other words, any mention of us getting together for a date would instantly lead to him questioning our mutual friends and that would get back to soon-to-be-ex-spouse (STBX). I’m very quickly getting to the point where I don’t really care but it still feels a little weird since the divorce isn’t final (next week baby!). Anyway, I went to another hockey game with N last night and since we are all creatures of habit we were in the same seats. N and cute intellectual were there earlier than I. When I arrived, N informed me that she had spoken with cute intellectual, found out he was straight and single (bonus), and had told him the same party story she’d shared with me. When I got over my shock that N had already tried to set us up I of course wanted to know what he’d said. (I was also glad I’d at least attempted to look cute for the game. Lipstick, combed hair…) She said his only concern was that he’s only going to be in the area for another 3 months and doesn’t want to start anything. All thoughts of ex-spouse had apparently evaporated because I exclaimed “I don’t want to marry the guy!” and I was slightly disappointed he hadn’t said “Sure!” right away. We never spoke at the game but I know that he checked me out and I did the same. We were both very subtle and quiet about it. No leering and we both paid attention to the game (Ok he paid attention to the game – I tried not stare at the cute guy from the gym) I wonder when my STBX will hear about it. I also wonder if we’ll ever go out. There aren’t any home games for the next few weeks so I’m unlikely to bump into him anywhere (although today I did bump into one of the gay men who had stuffed dollars into my bra at the drag show. I live in a very small area people. A very small, don’t do anything you will regret because everyone will know, area.). I never knew I’d be so interested in hockey : )

How’s that for an update: Friendster #1, CA Dream boy (now good friend in CA), new Intellectual, and cute gym guy.

That’s not too bad a weekend if I do say so myself.

Friday, November 18, 2005

'Scuse me ma'am...

....Do you know why I pulled you over? How many nights of socializing have you had this week?

This much fun and socializing should be illegal. Or at least listed as a controlled substance. I shouldn't operate heavy machinery right now. I need a nap.

It really is like a drug. I get depressed very fast if I don't have some sort of social outlet. I probably should work on spending time with myself but for now, screw it! I'm not addicted! I can stop anytime. Really! I just don't want to.

12 step program here I come.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Strategy

I've decided that my strategy to meet men is to say yes to every invitation I receive to any event whether or not there will be men there or not. This is what my last 7 days looked like -

Friday I went to a men's hockey game where I saw (ok stalked with my eyes) a cute boy from my gym and was then able to start a conversation about it with him later in the week.

Saturday I went to my nieces birthday party and then the drag show where I got all sassy with a feather boa and some lesbians.

Sunday I played in a volleyball game and there were two new cute guys there that I had not met before. And I finally got to talk to the ones that had already been there.

Monday I helped some friends in a play writing class (all women) by honing my acting skills and reading their pieces. The plays are very good and I'm having fun doing it.

Tuesday I stayed home sick but felt much better in the evening so called a fabulous friend who invited me to dinner at her place. I met a nice man who probably knows other nice men and has promised to say hello at the next happy hour event we both frequent so we can both meet other nice people of the opposite sex.

Wednesday I had another volleyball game and instead of going straight home - despite it being already an hour plus past my bedtime - I went out and had a drink (ok water) with all the guys on the team and two girls.

Tonight I've already had a margarita and appetizers at a local Mexican place (there were a few nice looking gents there. Good to know they exist.) and am just biding my time until I meet the volleyball team at another bar where one of our teammates is doing open mike. I'm all dressed up and ready to go because so far the team has only seen me in workout clothes. I'm working a black low cut dress this evening folks. I wore it to work so it's not too risque but it's probably about as sexy as I get. We'll see what happens.

So far no response from Friendster #1 but it usually takes him a few days. Plus, I'm trying to work on patience. In the meantime I'm going out and meeting people - male, female, gay, straight. It's all good.

P.S. I am such a light weight. I had one margarita and was all sorts of tipsy. Thank god we ate a little before we left. I got up to use the ladies and wasn't sure I was walking straight. Gentlemen, I am a cheap date. One alcoholic beverage and the rest of the night I'm drinking water.

Cross your fingers!

Friendster # 1 wrote back! And is quite funny and interesting. And apparently interested in hearing more about me. My profile notes that I am an administrator so he asked what I administrate. Being ever so witty, I said something like, “I could tell you but I’d have to kill you. Actually, that’s not true. But you will owe me a mocha latte or a margarita.”

So I think I asked him out to coffee or a drink. Or at least put the idea in his head. Cross your fingers!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Coffee talk

I have now exchanged emails with Friendster Guy #1. It wasn't a really deep or even flirty conversation but it was an exchange. The gist of the conversation was him saying he was kind of addicted to Friendster and the whole social networking thing fascinated him. I wrote back saying something about the person who dies with the biggest network wins and that it was nice to meet him. That was a couple of days ago. If he responds but does not act like he is about to ask me for coffee or something I'm going to ask him. If he does not respond, what do I do? I'm being as bold and assertive as I feel comfortable being without crossing the line to pushy.

You know what I want? I want someone to ask me out. Where are all the guys who ask women out? When did men stop doing that? Did they ever? Is it me? Women are so easy. Throw us a bonafide compliment that we at least think you mean and we're all yours. C'mon guys. Step up. What's the worst that could happen? Sure, some horrible woman could laugh in your face but eventually someone is going to say yes. It's just coffee, not marriage.

I just want an hour with a man and a mocha latte, is that too much to ask?

Monday, November 14, 2005

Practice Random Kindness

So I was driving from my niece's birthday party (she's 3) to the afore mentioned drag show and I came across a toll. For some reason, people were not able to understand the red versus green light and kept pulling up to the lane that was closed (red) and had to try to scoot into the lane that was open (green). (Are you following the color coding? Good.) I let two people who were stuck in the red lane go in front of me and then said to myself "No more! It's my turn to go through." I was sort of in a hurry and because I'm now conserving quarters for laundry I was in the non-exact change lane. Then a lady in a mini-van failed to comprehend the red light as well. I wasn't close enough to the gate to just move forward like I hadn't seen her but I was kind of annoyed and afraid the people behind me would start getting pissy if I let anymore people through. I let her through anyway and made exasperated sighing noises behind her as if she and the people behind me could hear me. Then I finally got up the toll person. When I did she waved me through. She said I was all set, the woman in the mini-van had paid for me. Really? Wow. Could I have a side of humble pie with that?
Random kindness. It can make a person's day.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

I want to be a drag queen

And this evening I got to be one.

I was pulled up on-stage, given elbow length lace gloves, a boa, and a blonde wig and lipsank back-up on “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” at a drag show. And it was fabulous! Why oh why are we no allowed to wear feather boas all the time?

I had people I didn’t know putting dollar bills in my bra and a lesbian co-worker shoving money in my back pockets.

And I liked it.

Yes folks, I’m an attention whore. I will get it wherever, however, and from whomever I can.

As I’m sure you can imagine a drag show is not the best place to meet men – not straight ones anyway. I am highly doubtful that any of the men I found even remotely attractive were interested in me or my gender. However, some of the women dressed as men might have been. (Another co-worker was so confused as to which gender which person was we kept having to stop her from going home to a surprise.) I am certain that had I switched teams I could have gone home with any number of ladies. It doesn’t help that I recently cut my hair very, very short. I’m sure assumptions were made so that even if there were straight men there they looked me over as uninterested. I tried to give off straight vibes but I’m not sure exactly what that means.

If you have not gone to a drag show you must find one and go. It’s like watching a Sex and the City marathon - it’ll make you feel fabulous. Except that some of the men were much prettier than I am. That’s just not fair. But even the not so attractive ones were attractive because of their attitude. You just get drawn in like a moth to a flame.

I must learn the secret of the drag queen attitude. How do I cultivate it without the fake boobs, stilettos and sequins? I got to keep the boa and gloves. There will most definitely be dancing in front of my mirror at home.

“Oh baby there ain’t no mountain hiiigh enough! Ain’t no valley looow enough! Ain’t no river wiiide enough, to keep me from getting to you babe!...”

Thursday, November 10, 2005

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

I’m being proactive. I just emailed two guys on Friendster who are supposedly single and in my area. Why the hell not? One of them had checked out my profile previously so I had sent him a smile (a convenient little feature Friendster has). A few days later he sent me a smile. And then I waited and wondered what to do next.

Last night when I logged in I saw he was on-line and then he was on again at lunch today so I sent him a message joking that he’s always on Friendster at the same time as I am, that I’m not a stalker, and thanks for the smile.

The second person I emailed listed “eating Asian food” as a hobby but then wrote “(But that’s not really a hobby)”. Since eating ethnic food was on my list of hobbies I wrote him saying “Eating asian food is most definitely a hobby, and a darned good one.”

I tried to keep it light, funny, and not too desperate. (For the record I haven’t reached desperate yet. It will be awhile I hope.) I don’t want to be too flirty on-line but I also don’t want to sit back and wait for them to come to me. I might be dead by then. Maybe I’ll get to go out for some Asian food soon. I’ll keep you posted.

Aside: The problem with living in this day and age is the speed at which we can get responses. When we don’t get responses instantly we wonder what we did wrong to make the other person avoid us. Usually it’s just that they are busy and actually working but we’ve made up entire scenarios about how fat, ugly, obnoxious, and pushy we are and how they are right now changing their phone number and locks in order to avoid us.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Separation and Slight of Hand

I realized last night that I’m able to go days without thinking about my soon-to-be-ex-spouse. I only asked for a divorce in late September so in seven weeks I’ve gone from being married and living together in a condo to being a single girl not even wasting any thoughts on my former spouse. I guess that means I was ready to move on.

I hope he’s feeling the same way. See, that’s the problem with splitting up amicably, you still care how the other person is feeling. At least when that person actually enters your thoughts, which as I just mentioned is not often. This is a good thing. Sometimes I have too much empathy for my own good.

On a more positive note, I ran into a friend yesterday who invited me to join her at a bar to celebrate her birthday. I’m glad I said yes. I had a nice chat with some lovely ladies and I learned a great way to start a conversation with (and subsequently captivate) men. In her wallet, the birthday girl carries this card trick she cut off the back of some Keebler crackers box years ago. It’s six or so cards with a grid of numbers on each. You ask someone to pick a card and pick a number on the card without telling you what it is. Then using the other cards and asking the card picker if their number is on them you can then guess their number. It certainly worked on the one guy we met. She travels a lot and says she uses it to talk to guys in airports. I want a copy of those cards!

Monday, November 07, 2005

Voyeurism

Reading blogs is a little like voyeurism. The corollary therefore is that writing blogs is exhibitionism. I can’t say I disagree 100% but it’s exhibitionism where the audience gets to choose whether or not to participate in the exhibit, as opposed to the good old fashioned flasher who strikes with no warning. Folks, I am no flasher.

If you’d like to get a little more voyeuristic but in a safe, funny way, check out the wisdom and wit of one Jen Myszkowski, stand-up comedian and sometimes dater. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wonder “what the *&^^&%$ ?!”

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Win, Lose, or Draw

For those of you following at home, my dating score is now:
wins 0
losses 1.5
draws .5
The date I didn’t think was a date definitely wasn’t – he has a girlfriend - so that counts for 1 loss. (Why he did not mention the girlfriend he has been seeing for a year in one of the myriad email conversations we had I do not know. Men. I wasn’t really disappointed. He’s definitely friend, not date, material.) Then, the date that was probably an actual date but was postponed counts for both the .5s. Why .5 in the loss and draw columns you ask? Well, not being one to sit on my butt wallowing in self-pity I made plans with other friends (2 girls and a guy) when the original ones fell through. These secondary plans ended up bringing me to a bar that Date #2, let’s call him B, frequents. Just because B postponed our date didn’t mean he had to stay home so I actually wondered whether I would see him there. I didn’t have to wonder for long. I did one scan of this bar and saw him at a table. With a blonde. I could have been shocked and horrified, “My god! We’re supposed to be out on a date and he’s out on another one!” but I wasn’t. I thought it was kind of funny. Plus, I was having a good time with the friends I was with. I figured he finished all he needed to do, called up someone more flexible than I, and went out. And that’s pretty much how it went down. We made eye contact across the bar, waved at each other and he left a little while later. Then he came back, sans blonde, and hung out with me and my friends, two of whom he also knew, for the rest of the evening. Hence the .5s. We flirted but it wasn’t a date, not with three other people there. I did get a kiss on the top of my head and a subtle butt swipe though.

I’m actually kind of glad we didn’t go out alone. B can put away his liquor. (And if what one of my friends says is true, it’s potentially in an excessive and repetitive manner.) Besides that, he was wearing what can only be described as “Bling” - a gold chain with a big old cross complete with a crucified Jesus on it, a large bracelet of gold squares, and a gold ring, of the medallion kind. Nothing subtle. He's a great guy but this jewelry extravaganza was off-putting. Now I don’t know about you, but the last time I checked I wasn’t a barracuda drawn to shiny objects across the room. If any men are out there reading this, unless you are an actual pimp, or a pirate you should not be wearing more gold than most women do. For that matter, women should not be wearing that much gold either.

Note to single girls out there: Wingmen are not just for boys. Having one guy to three women was a really good and safe strategy for the bar. Obviously my male friend, S, wasn’t dating all of us (or any of us) so to the other guys in the bar, at least two of us were available. A few of the bar guys started a conversation with S and he sort of screened them a little. Then we were able to talk to them casually without any pick-ups lines or cheesiness. In addition, should we have needed it, he could have gotten rid of any that were getting fresh. It helps if your wingman is a former football player with a black belt but it’s not 100% necessary.

Also of note: There were more attractive, potentially single men in my age range in that one bar in CT than there are within a 30 mile radius of my home in NH. I live in a dry county when it comes to single, eligible bachelors. I sort of knew that but Saturday night confirmed it and then some. Damn.

Friday, November 04, 2005

I'm moving to Canada

Ok so I'm not really moving to Canada. But if this doesn't make you want to I don't know what will. What is keeping me here (besides my life, family, friends, etc...) is knowing there are other individuals in the U.S. who think the way I do. Emphasis on think. I'm not knocking spirituality and all but c'mon people. Jesus is rolling over in his grave.

Sorry. This blog isn't supposed to be about politics but sometimes I just gotta let it out.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

When the moon is in the 7th house…

Besides practicing my skills at wedding ring observation, I’ve been thinking about the people I know and their relationships. In my extended group of friends there are three couples who are going to be getting married in the next year or two. However, there are at least seven individuals who are in the process of splitting up after a long relationship, engagement, or marriage. It’s nice to know I’m not alone but it’s odd to be at this nexus of crumbling relationships. I don’t think I’ve ever known this many people who are in one stage of separation or another, all at the same time. I’ve only had one or two friends divorce since I’ve known them but that’s it. And any relationships that ended hadn’t lasted all that long - a year or two, but not six or seven. Maybe this just comes from making friends with couples but many of these people I’ve known for years, before they were coupled. If I were into astrology I’d have to say something about stars aligning.

Maybe going askew is more correct.

Fiiiive Golden Riiings

What’s rule number one when you are a single girl? Look for a ring. Rule number 2? Double check for a ring! Rule number 3? Ditto.

Why is there no school or seminar for newly single people to learn these rules? Actually I’m sure there is such a seminar but I didn’t look for one. It should be automatic. Like AARP sending you their information as soon as you turn 50. (Aside: I don’t know why they keep sending ME their information. Someone needs to update their database.)

Anyway, I have not yet absorbed the cardinal rule of looking for a ring. This became abundantly clear when nice med student finally replied and very nicely (did I mention he was nice?) told me that he got my message but he’d been very busy and he hopes he’ll be less busy next semester when his wife arrives. DOH!

He was very considerate of my feelings and added the following:

“I was not sure if you noticed my ring or not (it was not just a pirate ring after all). I just got married this last summer. I am sorry it did not come up or was not clear at the party. If you would still want to grab a tea or coffee sometime, it might be nice for us all to have coffee, as I am always looking to try to find ways to help my wife meet awesome folks (like yourself) in this new part of the country. I of course totally understand if you do not want to have coffee/tea with us either.”


See? What did I tell you? Nice! No wonder he’s taken.

After being horrifyingly embarrassed I sent the following response.

“Dear Nice Med Student,
I totally did not catch the ring! The reason being I'm only just recently single (recently as in only a few weeks) after being married for 7.5 years and have not quite gotten the hang of it yet. At all. I didn't even look. The last time I was "on the market" I was 18 and rings weren't an issue. I feel like a little bit of an idiot but it is a very good lesson to learn. I'm glad I suffered this social faux pas with someone as nice and honest as you.

Let's start over shall we? Hi, I'm ----. It's nice to meet you and your wife. And once I get over my mild embarrassment I'd be happy to invite both of you into my social circle (for what it's worth) of professional people in their late 20's and early 30's in the area. I love expanding my network of friends - it'll help increase my potential to meet people who are ACTUALLY single. Be sure to point them out won't you?

Good luck with all your exams! I have many friends who have gone through med school and I know it is insane. If you are as busy as you say you are your wife will definitely need some people to hang out with. I'd be happy to be one of them.”
I thought that was self-effacing and honest enough. And true. I’d be happy to have them as friends. It makes for a funny single girl story. Embarrassing as hell, but funny.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Zen and the Art of Dating

You know what I'm learning as a single girl? Patience. And how to recover when you've gotten your hopes up and things don't work out. It's all very zen.

I've had to use these zen skills recently because nice med student has not yet responded to my email and the one potentially real date I was to have this weekend has asked if we can postpone it. He was very nice and considerate about it - something came up that squashed his time frame to get some things done and he's stressed about it. He didn't want to be eating dinner with me thinking of all the other things he had to do. Also, instead of making me wait until Friday or even Saturday to know whether or not things had settled down on his end and we could go out he just said let's postpone it. I thought that was rather thoughtful of him. He didn't want to string me along and cancel at the last minute. And since he use the word "postpone" several times he does want to see me in the future.

Ooooommmm... (that's me being Zen)

I'm going to give nice med student until after this weekend and then I may send him another email wondering why he hasn't responded. Probably something like this:

Dear Nice Med Student,
I have noticed that you have not responded to the email I sent you a week or so ago. Given the immediacy of email I can only assume certain things. I have several possible scenarios as to why you have not gotten back to me and they are:
a) You are paralyzed by my beauty and charm and just can't get up the nerve to say hi.
b) You, being a busy med student, just haven't had the time.
c) You have a significant other and I'm too dense to have figured that
out.
d) My first email never got to you and you've been desperately trying to figure out which [insert common name] I am in the directory not
realizing that I'd already contacted you.
e) You are an exceptionally good actor and found me utterly unattractive, boring and obnoxious and are choosing to ignore me until I go away.
f) [common name] who?

If your answer is A, B, C, D or something equally benign, let me know. If nothing else, you've made a new friend who thinks you're a nice guy. If it's E or F, honesty is the best policy. Just be nice about it.
Sincerely,
Me.

What do you think?

Addendum to this post - I have discovered that my email has been selective as to what it is sending. At least one person has told me they did not get my message. Sooo...I have re-emailed nice med student explaining this and resending my original message. Just in case his was one that was lost in the ether. If it wasn't, well, he has a good excuse to use as to why he has not yet responded to me. He would be lying, but it would be a good excuse. And reminder. Hey! Respond to me already!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

100 Dates

I stumbled - ok googled- across a blog about someone attempting to go on 100 dates. He's not doing so well. I've been thinking about trying that myself - being newly divorced what have I got to lose (besides my dignity, self-esteem, and pride?)? But I'm trying to figure out the definition of "date". Do old friends you have no real interest in count? Maybe you'd be interested in them afterward so is it a date retroactively? Or is a date any organized activity where you are eligible and the other person is eligible and you are by yourselves together on purpose? Or does it have to do with the intent or motive? Dictionary.com says a date is "An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest." Wikipedia defines it as "A social outing with a current or potential lover or spouse; see courtship."

That doesn't help me much.

By the way, I have date number 1 (and maybe date number 2) this coming weekend depending on your definition. I'll keep you posted.