Monday, January 28, 2008

Thank you HDTV...

...for making me feel better about my winter mustache.

During the winter I become as pigmentally challenged as I possibly can, and believe you me, I start out already highly Caucasian and, without a dose of sunlight now and then, I tend toward the translucent end of the Honky spectrum. This coupled with my dark hair color creates a subtle shadow on my upper lip. But, thanks to my new TV and the Today Show in Hi Def I no longer feel upset about it. This morning I was able to see that the lovely Ann Curry (love her!) is also sporting just a subtle amount of fuzz. And if she can do it, so can I.

Who needs a depilatory now biatches? Not I, dear readers. Not I.

[Startling side note: Would you have guessed that Ann Curry is 51?! Damn. I need better genes.]

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Freakin' Verizon

So this whole Verizon email debacle of mine has wreaked havoc on my internet experience. I've had to re-sign up for all sorts of bloggy things, most of which I've forgotten and only remember when I think, "Hey wait a minute, wasn't I getting weekly emails telling me who's been to Big Girl Underoos?" I also forgot about the NaBloPoMo site. A belated sorry to all those of you who sent friend requests that I appeared to have ignored. It wasn't my fault!

Darn you Verizon! Darn you!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I can't get to MySpace

I can't access my MySpace profile.

What happened was this: when I moved I canceled my Verizon phone service and, unbenownst to me ahead of time, they subsequently shut off my Verizon email account. Because MySpace only lets you update your account when you reply to their email to your old email address I'm S.O.L.

I'd emailed the powers that be at MySpace (not "Tom") to get it fixed and now I can't seem to get into my account with my old email address or my new address. I'm shut out. Which means I can't even go in and erase my profile. Given that I am now a more "public" figure I'd really like to go in there and change things. I'm not freaking out yet but because of this I'm giving a lot more thought to what's out there about me on the internet. As time goes by, my MySpace profile will be more and more out of date, not to mention cheesy. I'd rather not have potential clients seeing what is currently up there.

Anyone out there have any suggestions.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Ow...ouch...ow...dag nab it!

I know, I know, I've been such a slacker of late. But there's a reason! I spent the last three days learning how to teach Body Pump, the class you can see in the amateur video below. (Note: This is not us. I just found it on YouTube) A group of my club's trainers and instructors taught and participated in this class about 20 times in 3 days. Needless to say, I am drained! I feel every muscle in my body.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Cool commercial, lame (lame!) script

I wish I could find an online video of this Volvo S80 commercial to show you but I have scoured the internet and haven't come up with it.

Quick summary:

Woman on yacht gets text message from James Bond type. Woman jumps off boat onto ladder of helicopter. Man and woman speed toward unknown rendezvous. They meet. Man takes out necklace and says seductively, "Happy Anniversary, pudding."


What the...?

Friendster Guy has now taken to calling me pudding at every imaginable opportunity. I may have to beat him.

Update - Ha!I found it!

Monday, January 14, 2008

The pot calling the kettle black

I received the following comment from "Anonymous" on an old post of mine about the use of gross looking icons in drug commercials (i.e. the Mucus family).

"wow. i think this is the dumbest blog yet.
who cares what they use for advertisement.
does it really affect your life that much?
I actually collect pictures from magazines of these guys.
i have them hanging on my wall,
the whole mucus gang,
and every one loves them
why dont you find somthing better to do with your time than post blogs about this stupid shit.

And yet, Mr. or Ms. Anonymous, you felt the need to waste your time writing a comment almost as long as the post. Me thinks thou doth protest too much.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Getting in on Victoria's Secret

I had a breakthrough.

Yes, after over 2 years of dating/seeing each other naked, I finally got up the nerve to wear lingerie in front of Friendster Guy. He literally exclaimed "Yikes!" (but in a good way) when he entered the bedroom. Since he was also simultaneously trying to remove his socks he almost fell over. All in all, a good, although somewhat unexpected, reaction.

I have previously chronicled my serious aversion to all things negligee here and here.

I've come a long way baby.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Doing my civic duty


Well I did it. I voted.

It was surprisingly hard. I stood in the booth for a long time going Obama? Clinton? Obama? Clinton? I agree more with Clinton's policies but I know that there are people who will vote for anyone else but Clinton in the national election. I don't want to spend the next 4 to 8 years listening to the Democrats against the Republicans again. There needs to be more across the aisle interaction if anyone's policies are to be put in place. I personally think Hillary can do that if given the chance but I don't think she can overcome the strange animosity people have toward her. It bugs me that people dislike her simply for the sake of disliking her.

I've asked some friends and family why they don't like her and they can't give an actual reason. All they can say is "I just hate her." I keep thinking they are really saying "I just hate her...because she's a bitch." She's only a bitch because people have determined that "masculine" qualities on a woman equal "bitchy" instead of "leader". I'd bet if you had a male actor say the exact same things she's been saying in the same tone people would think he was perfect and ready to lead the country.

Anyway, I voted. It's done until November. A lot more people than me have to vote between now and then. Make sure you're one of them.

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Eeny, meeny, meiny, mo...

I'm voting in the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday. I'm still wavering on who to vote for. It's wonderful that this time it's not about choosing the lesser of 2 or 3 evils, it's about deciding between 2 or 3 people who would not only make great Presidents, but would also be historic appointments.

What's a liberal democrat to do?

For those of you in other states who have not yet been bombarded by elections broohaha, just wait, your time is coming. I am so looking forward to Wednesday when the commercials go away.

The Master of Tact and Discretion

And speaking of Melrose Place...

Picture this, Massachusetts, 1990ish. A girl of about 15 (me) sits in a living room watching Melrose Place. Her stepfather (who at that point in her life is pretty much an asshole) is nearby reading the paper or something.

Sassy - (to a character on Melrose who is about to commence an affair) "No! Don't do it!"

Step-Father - "Huh? Do what?"

Sassy - "Have an affair. That woman is about to start fooling around with that guy. They shouldn't do that!"

Step-Father - "Why not?" (in a voice that clearly indicates he sees nothing wrong with it.)

Sassy (who knows her Mom is her step-father's 3rd wife and therefore is assuming he's the affair type) - "Because it's bad!"

Step-Father - "Well, why do you think your parents got a divorce?"

Sassy - "..."

Sassy - "..."

Sassy - "Wha...huh...wha...who? I mean, who...huh?

Step-Father, nonchalantly, - "Your Mom with me."

Sassy - "Oh"

Sassy recommences watching Melrose Place with intense concentration so as to appear nonplussed when all she really wants to do is shout "Fuck me with a chainsaw, I didn't need to know that!"

That's not exactly the way a girl wants to find out something like that. The whole scenario still kind of pisses me off. I'm glad I know it, and now that I have gone through a shitty relationship and divorce myself I understand, but at 15, that can pretty much rock your world.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Well hello Billy!

I locked eyes and smiled at Andrew Shue while out skiing the other day. Twice. For those of you don't know, he played Billy Campbell on Melrose Place. If you were between the ages of 15 and 35 during the early/mid 90s, commence screaming like a teenager.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Just do it Sassy.


Now that the holidays are over I TOTALLY need to get back on the better eating wagon. If I ever was on that wagon in the first place.

How can I tell my clients they have to eat better if I'm shoveling everything I find into my mouth? I can't, that's what. I'm working on it though. Now that people aren't going to be giving me gifts of food I have more control. If it's not in the house, I won't eat it. Plus, if I don't go out as much I save money for my massages! Everything builds on everything else. And I'm not above self-bribery.

This year is all about me taking care of myself. I did the psychological stuff over the last couple years. Now that I'm all sorts of happy, I want to be healthy too. Go me.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

What's wrong with this picture?

Is it wrong to be chowing down on chocolate cake while watching The Biggest Loser?

Why yes Sassy. It is very wrong. Don't do it again.