Sunday, November 13, 2005

I want to be a drag queen

And this evening I got to be one.

I was pulled up on-stage, given elbow length lace gloves, a boa, and a blonde wig and lipsank back-up on “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” at a drag show. And it was fabulous! Why oh why are we no allowed to wear feather boas all the time?

I had people I didn’t know putting dollar bills in my bra and a lesbian co-worker shoving money in my back pockets.

And I liked it.

Yes folks, I’m an attention whore. I will get it wherever, however, and from whomever I can.

As I’m sure you can imagine a drag show is not the best place to meet men – not straight ones anyway. I am highly doubtful that any of the men I found even remotely attractive were interested in me or my gender. However, some of the women dressed as men might have been. (Another co-worker was so confused as to which gender which person was we kept having to stop her from going home to a surprise.) I am certain that had I switched teams I could have gone home with any number of ladies. It doesn’t help that I recently cut my hair very, very short. I’m sure assumptions were made so that even if there were straight men there they looked me over as uninterested. I tried to give off straight vibes but I’m not sure exactly what that means.

If you have not gone to a drag show you must find one and go. It’s like watching a Sex and the City marathon - it’ll make you feel fabulous. Except that some of the men were much prettier than I am. That’s just not fair. But even the not so attractive ones were attractive because of their attitude. You just get drawn in like a moth to a flame.

I must learn the secret of the drag queen attitude. How do I cultivate it without the fake boobs, stilettos and sequins? I got to keep the boa and gloves. There will most definitely be dancing in front of my mirror at home.

“Oh baby there ain’t no mountain hiiigh enough! Ain’t no valley looow enough! Ain’t no river wiiide enough, to keep me from getting to you babe!...”

1 comment:

NinjaMama said...

Honey, if you don't think you have a drag queen attitude you need a bigger mirror!!