Sunday, December 04, 2005

Coffee is over rated

Word of advice, do not go out for coffee unless you have something scheduled afterward that will allow you to gracefully exit the date. I have had 2 coffee dates now and they each lasted 2 hours. I was ok up until they hit the hour and a half mark and then it got old. And men do not understand subtlety. When you make hints and overtures about leaving and getting on with your day they don’t really get it. So you sit there wondering how you can be any less subtle than you’ve already been when you stretched and said, “I think I need to take my leave now.” Half an hour later he’s still having a grand old time. I think from now on I’m going on lunch dates. Lunch is a much safer bet. When the check comes, that means you can leave. Lunch on a weekday is even better. You have to get back to work, no safer excuse than that.

My date today was not a match. I don’t think. It wasn’t awful but it wasn’t that great either. He has already emailed me saying he had a nice time and would like to go out again. He said he hoped he wasn’t too dull and that it takes him awhile to warm up to people. I don’t know about a second date. He did seem to get more dynamic toward the end. It’s weird, I don’t think I was all that interesting on the date myself. I kept thinking, wow, you’re being really boring. I’m somewhat surprised he thought it was a match.

I like giving people the benefit of the doubt so I may say ok to a second date. Please feel free to chime in with your thoughts. I need some help.

I am not good at rejection. More specifically, doling out rejection. I don't know yet if I can handle being rejected since I haven't had the opportunity. Can I just say, it’s hard being this charming and fabulous, even when I’m off my game : )

In other news, because my life just seems to be one big ball of craziness, I left the mildly dull date and ran into Friendster #1 at Walmart. Why did I decide we weren’t a match? He’s really cute, and personable, and intelligent, and funny. I think I might need to give him a second chance. Do something as friends. There was much more of a spark there than there has been with these other guys. I’ll keep emailing him as friends and see what happens. I think I decided that because he was my very first post-divorce date that I shouldn’t go there. I’ve also already sort of passed him on to a friend of mine (I gave him her email address). Maybe she can’t have him (Sorry H if you’re reading this ; ) ) Hmmm…

And in the bizarro world category, after Walmart I stopped at Mattress World (Don’t you just love the names of stores? I mean Mattress World? Whatever.) Anyway, the guy I bought a mattress from was very personable. I told him I needed something cheap because I was recently divorced and poor. He told me he was recently divorced too and we joked about it and other things. Being a salesman he chatted me up, asked lots of questions, and we had a nice generic conversation. Then he wrote his personal number on his card and told me to call him! But he’s like 50. He can’t be much younger than my Dad! I’m super flattered but oh my god. Having someone give me their number out of the blue is a definite first for me so I’m not sure if I should be skeeved or happy. He was very pleasant and didn’t make me feel uncomfortable about it so I’m going with happy. I’m not going to call him but still, it kind of made my day, except it had already been made by seeing Friendster #1.


tjdygon said...

Coffee can be good, but you definetly NEED to make sure you says you have plans afterwards. You are very busy now!
Lunch can be good too. Especially those 5 minute lunch specials at Pizzeria Uno's. Nice and quick so if the date's not going well, you know it's going be quick! If it's going well you can always meet for date number 2!
Can you tell I've done this quite a few times???

Anonymous said...

Yeah, umm, as a guy who considers himself at least mildly clever, I need to be hit over the head. Hints only work for me if I'm seeing them played out on somebody else.

But yeah, I'll agree with Mdme. Dygon. Escape plans are good things.

- Josh

Jennifer Myszkowski said...

Escape plans are essential. I always plan these things at a coffee shop with many doors. I'm not playing around when it comes to escape plans.

But coffees offer the best escapes! Don't give up on coffees!

Here's the trick: You always plan your coffees for near meal times. Your escape is, "I'm meeting so-and-so for lunch." Or, "I'm meeting blahbidyblay for dinner."

Also, you can suck down your beverage as quickly as you want to if you need to get the hell out of there.

Here's the better part, however. You don't really have these plans later, see, and if it's going okay, you can say, "Hey, wanna go next door for lunch?"

I'm telling you, coffee is the perfect plan. It just takes some of the right planning.