Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Mixed emotions

Well, STBX, or I guess now I should just call him X, called me today to warn me that I might hear through the ever so short local grapevine that he and a good friend of ours are "seeing each other." It's not very serious (yet) but he wanted me to hear it from him rather than someone else who sees them out together. That was very nice and considerate of him. Way to think ahead for once...er...yeah... Anyway, it was cute because he was so nervous to tell me. And surprised by how happy I was for him. He didn't expect that.

So yeah, on the one hand, I am supremely happy for both of them. I truly am. I think they are both people who deserve some happiness and I have now told them both that and that I give them my blessing 100%. They are even cute together, although I haven't seen them, but I can imagine. On the other hand I'm a little bummed. Or angry. Or something other than happy. I'm annoyed that he's taking the initiative to be flirty and attracted to someone else when he never was with me. Obviously, this is why we are divorced. We were not attracted to each other anymore. The problem is that he could have gone on another decade without ever realizing that one of us (me) wasn't happy in the marriage. Why did I have to do all the work and go through the agony of being the bad guy? And now he gets a girl right away without the stress of dating or trying to figure out if someone is emotionally available and all that? How does he get off so easy?

I'll tell you what, if I hadn't gone through all these dates and found out that there are guys out there who find me attractive and interesting and fun to be with I'd be supremely depressed right now. As it stands I'm only in a mild funk. And a lot of that funk is part of a second issue. I'm realizing that I've been cut off from a group of friends that used to be "our" friends. It's understandable but when you find out your entire coed summer sports team, including your X, is invited to something and you are not - specifically because of the divorce situation - you tend to get a little pissy.



Anonymous said...

Heya. Here's another view: X is no longer your problem. And maybe you've taught each other things through your relationship such that he'll have learned he needs to be more attentive to his new squeeze and you'll have learned to expect the things you'd always hoped for with X -- and you'll no doubt get them.
- js

Sassy Pants said...

I better ; )

Anonymous said...

YES! That's what I wanted to hear.