Monday, January 30, 2006

Bodies of Water

My friend M used the phrase "jumping in with both feet" the other day referring to what she often does when it comes to new relationships. She's now nervous that she's done it again too soon after a breakup with her (now ex) fiance. This commenced a back and forth email conversation comparing men and their commitment levels to bodies of water.

What M and I are both experiencing at the moment are new relationships with men who seem to be wide and deep pools. They would love for us to jump right in and commence a relationship. These are men women dream about. Unfortunately, having both recently left pools that dried up we're a little afraid to get our hair wet again. The water looks wonderful from the side of the pool. We're enjoying dipping our feet it, and even sitting on the edge up to our knees, yet we can't help but wonder- if we take that leap are we going to swim comfortably (relationship bliss), sink to the bottom and drown (lose ourselves), or find there is actually no water (get rejected)?

Are we even jumping into the right pool?

I'm still deciding but Friendster Guy is great. After telling myself to stop thinking and just enjoy his company I discovered I did enjoy his company. His pool is wide and deep. He is ready for a relationship. And although that is a little scary, the alternatives are not that appealing, especially in the long run. In this analogy, High School Guy is a kiddie pool. You can have a heck of a lot of fun laughing and splashing in a kiddie pool. For awhile. Then you start wishing you could stretch your limbs, dive down, float freely, and spend some time underwater tuning out all other distractions. But you can't. You're in a kiddie pool.

Picture Taker Guy turned into a vernal pool, one that appears once in awhile but goes away. Or perhaps he is more of a mirage. After a lovely dinner and conversation last weekend I have not heard from him, but I have heard about him. Now, I certainly can't fault him for this given my particular circuimstances dating other people but just days after our date my friends N and S (who I was with when I met him) ran into him and his girlfriend in town. And then ran into him two more times. One time N didn't even know it was him because his tongue was entwined so completely with this girlfriend's in a public place. I tell you this not because I'm mad or even bothered by these circumstances. I've pretty much done the same thing with Friendster Guy except we haven't quite defined ourselves as girlfriend/boyfriend yet. Also, I knew (and honestly hoped) it wasn't going to work out with Picture Taker Guy because he's moving away in the next few months. In fact, my biggest fear was falling head over heels for this temporary guy and then having to decide between my home and my man. Luckily, "my" man is actually someone else's.

Where does all this leave me? It leaves me by the side of a very nice looking pool testing the waters. For the time being I may wear floaties, and I won't be going into the deep end, but I'm definitely entering the pool.

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