Monday, January 23, 2006

The horror that is Victoria's Secret

You do not know this about me but there is something about Victoria's Secret that makes me ridiculously uncomfortable. Everytime I set foot in one I honestly want to start crying from discomfort.

I am a modern, capable woman who has done a lot of cool, sometimes daring, things in her life but I feel absolutely inept and retarded (in the "behind the curve" sense of the word) when it comes to fancy, sexy, 'I spent too much on this' underwear. The instant I am surrounded by the pink, baby powder smelling ambiance of a Victoria's Secret my self-esteem and self-confidence take a nose dive. Why? For one, I always thought the VS women were looking down on me. Also, I have no idea what size I take and for a long time I was embarassed by the size I thought I took. This did nothing to improve my relationship with the VS women who were supposedly looking down on me. In addition, and these are in no particular order, there are too many buttons and clasps and options, I'm too cheap, and then I think if I try something on and wear it I won't look as good as I think it does (or I think someone else would look in it). Plus - and this is probably the crux of the issue - for so long I have felt like I had to work to win the approval of the men I was with and by buying sexy undergarments I'm putting myself out there in a vulnerable place to once again get rejected or hear a negative comment. Trying that hard only to get the psychological shit kicked out of me isn't my favorite thing to do.

Therefore, I have no comfort with sexy undergarments and since VS is the mothership pandering to my many issues I avoid it like the plague. Seriously folks, I'm getting a little emotional as I write this.

I went into a VS in Vegas and despite the fact that I was feeling supremely sexy and powerful the entire rest of the weekend, the store sapped it like kryptonite. I am in a self-inflicted abusive relationship with VS. This doesn't help.


Hanifa said...

Have you considered that your discomfort may be from a source that you have not yet identified?

This society is brazenly and ferociously bent on the destruction of every moral and noble virtue ever bestowed upon a human soul.

Awakening to that, one experiences all kinds of discomfort as the 'garment" of the world's ways all of a sudden begins to squeeze and pinch.

Be aware of that little Voice within you. It speaks in a still, small way and is easily over-run by the clamorings of your flesh.

Wishing you more awakening,

npapaya said...

VS offers expensive, only moderately comfy undies and lingerie in a very public arena- no wonder you feel exposed- you are! i also find the staff to always be one step away from "the devil wears prada"-types.
Also, a quick market survey of male friends revealed that regular bikini or even briefs in cotton or a nice satin- a la JCPenney worked just as well in the excitement department as the piece of dental floss--if not better.

Jennifer Myszkowski said...

VS does not make high-quality merchandise, so you don't want to go there anyway.

Also, the people that work there have no idea who their clientele are. I had to go in there for something with someone else. I can't remember what...maybe a gift certificate? Anyway, you've met me and you know what I look like. Let me assure you that there is NOTHING there to fit my fat ass. And that's fine with me.

The lady was all, "Can I help you find anything."

I was all, "You don't carry my size, but thanks anyway."

The lady was all, "Oh, come on! We carry up to 38!"

I was all, "Ha ha ha ha! Thanks anyway."

Those ladies aren't looking down on you. They have no idea what they're doing.

VS is pretty presumptuous to think they can tell you what you'll feel sexy in -- and what other people think is sexy. The only reason people think that crap is sexy is because they tell you right in the commercial, "This is sexy," and the public is so open to suggestion that they believe it.

You're only as sexy as you feel, and if you feel sexy in your feety pajamas, then you are sexy in your feety pajamas.

If you're wearing the "sexiest" thing coming out of VS and you don't feel sexy, well then, you're not. Face it.

Martijn said...


Nice blog. About the Victoria Secret interest. I understand you watch it secretly because you are writing about it that you hate it.

Or is it just a guess?

No offense but i like the victoria secret imaging a lot.

Kind regards,
Martijn Fransen