Thursday, January 19, 2006

Stick the knife in, now twist

No matter how happy I am that I am no longer with my X, and also comfortable with the fact that he is with another person, it still hurts to see him expressing his attraction for her in ways I can no longer remember him doing with me. Case in point, I saw them both at the gym today and I talked to them both, apart and together. No problem. Then however I caught a glimpse of him holding her hand as they left. I honestly cannot remember a time when he held my hand 1) when I hadn't initiated the contact and 2) when it lasted more than a few seconds before he literally shook it off like I was annoying him. I haven't really held someone's hand like they meant it in probably half a decade. Half a decade people. Or more.

You know that scene in When Harry Met Sally right before they sleep together and Sally is freaking out because she discovered her X is getting married and just didn't want to marry her? It's kind of like that only no tears (or really anything more than a mild twinge of sadness/annoyance) and there's no one here to sleep with. Drats.

But the twinge is no longer. I have two dates this weekend - Friendster Guy and Picture Taker Guy. Maybe one will step up to the plate and sweep me off my feet.

5 comments:

hannah said...

You need to find a different time to go to the gym, girl.

npapaya said...

maybe he just needed the shock of being left to remember it's the little things that count...
or maybe he's just a nice, but clueless man--he wouldn't be the first...

i'll be rooting for some hand holding (or more) this wknd.

Sassy Pants said...

Except it's MY gym. I work there. He hadn't been in weeks, if not months, and now they are coming right when I teach a class in the main room. If it weren't an amicable divorce I'd say he was trying to torture me but I know he's not - at least not consciously - it's just a convenient time when most people are there. I guess I'd rather run into them there where I expect them than out on the street unexpectedly. At least I have psychological prep time this way.

Sassy Pants said...

And yes, he is clueless. I hope he's learned something from the divorce. I really do. I certainly have.

hannah said...

Would it be against the terms of your amicable divorce for you to ask him to find a different time (or to use a different gym)? You know, you've gotten by for a long time thinking he's clueless. But he's a smart man. A Ph.D., no less, and we all know how smart they are. /snark. But switch on the dark side of your imagination for a moment and consider that he may be acting - oh, subconsciously, surely, without meaning any harm - a wee bit passive-aggressive.

I'll butt out now.