Sunday, January 22, 2006

The Year of Sassy Pants

Inspired by National Measure Your Feet Day I have decided to blog today about the Year of Me. Jen M has already declared it the Year of Jennifer Myszkowski but I figure she doesn't have the whole market on declaring years her own so I can too. Therefore, this is the Year of Sassy Pants. Yessiree Bob it is all about me this year.

My first act since declaring it the year of me was to follow my own advice, and email Friendster Guy about our relationship or lack thereof. Granted, I wasn't 100% honest with him - i.e. I didn't say "Hey. We have no chemistry. It was nice meeting you." I don't know if that would have been the 100% honest thing to say anyway. The thing is, on the one hand I don't think the relationship is going anywhere. On the other hand, we could just be communicating on different levels and I am just not tuned in to the chemistry. Yes, yes, I know I am second guessing myself. How can you not be tuned in to the chemistry you ask? Isn't that just the point? Doesn't chemistry find you? Yes. But then again if he thinks he's giving off "you're hot" vibes and you just aren't hearing them, what happens when he gives you the decoder ring and you hear the vibes loud and clear? All you need is a way to decode what he's been saying all along and you're good to go. I wanted to give him a chance to give me the code. So I emailed him about it.

Here's an except: ( I mentioned that he was hard to read. He has already admitted this is true. I am explaining that there were certain things about my X that drove us apart. Being hard to read was one of them.)

My X was very hard to read as well. I had no idea if he was enjoying my company or not (so far I can tell you are, although it's subtle) and his most obvious expression was annoyance, usually at something I was doing. You can imagine how painful that would be. I got very little information from him as to how he felt about me. The main feeling I got was ambivalence. And even disinterest. For the last two years I was married to a person who did not seem at all attracted to me. To the point where I seriously thought (and even hoped) that he was gay. Seriously. To be in a relationship where you constantly wonder (and in your heart know) someone is not attracted to you is very, very difficult. I may be more scarred from that than I realize. I don't want to say I'm needy because that wouldn't be true but I do have a high need to know where I stand. I don't want to guess if someone is or is not attracted to me. Obviously you and I cleared that up a little recently. : )

Where does this leave us? I'm not exactly sure. I have no idea what your expectations are and I'm entering the very new territory of the dating world so I don't know the etiquette. I am dating other people. I know your Match profile is still up. Sometimes I just shake my head and say what the hell am I doing? I'm not sure if I actually want an answer to that question. I'm interested to hear from you and get your side of the story and your take on our situation. I get a sense that the woman you were with before hurt you. That I could read.

I'm sorry to have opened up the proverbial fire hose on you. But 2006 is my year of honesty. And also the year of me. Every one of the other 28 years was about me thinking about someone else. I'm not going to stop that but I'm putting myself first.

Very sweetly he emailed me back saying he's trying to compose a response but in the meantime wanted to let me know he was not upset with me. How great is that? You know how I feel about email and the way it makes you crazy in the head when someone deosn't reply. How cool that he intuited that.

Does anyone out there have experience with a relationship that started out as a slow burn and then grew into a more raging fire? I'd like to hear about it if so.

In other news, I had a first date with Picture Taker Guy. He's very cool. We had a comfortable conversation and he was not ambiguous about whether or not he was attracted to me. He made sure to say I was attractive several times - but appropriately, not like he was trying to get into my pants (apparently an easier thing to do nowadays though). We talked about exes and how mine didn't find me attractive and he very sincerely made it clear that he wasn't having that problem. : ) I found him quite attractive as well. Great smile. We're going to go running together sometime. I'm going to need the motivation if I'm going to run the half marathon in June.


Jennifer Myszkowski said...

Two things:

1) It's The Year of THE Jennifer Myszkowski. Like the year of the rooster. Putting the THE in there is what makes it funny.

2) I would not give up on Friendster guy. At all. Spontaneous combustion is good and all, but it burns out quickly. I'm thinking that a campfire you have to carefully tend at first ends up being the fire that burns all night, and even when you think you've put it out, starts a forest fire in the morning.

Not that you want to start forest fires. I'm just saying.

Anonymous said...

(1) So, what sort of reading would I get if I were born in the year of The Jennifer Myszkowski?

(2) I love it: Sassy + Friendster guy = Smokey's worst nightmare. I see a Flash movie viral for Friendster, with a stick figure with the Friendster smiley face taking a blowtorch to Smokey Bear. Oy.
- Josh

NinjaMama said...

Ok, here we go.

Andy and I were a slow burn, but once ignited burned down the house.

I had to practically beg him to kiss me because he had heard me giving the 'men are pigs' speech for so long he didn't want to blow it. (I didn't find that out until AFTER we were married)

When I first told him I loved him he said "I'm getting there." Which was a complete crock of shitaki mushrooms, but he was scared. (He had been really hurt by his first wife and I didn't know that yet either.)

Our first twist under the sheets was definately not what you would call the best sex ever. (Turns out he is VERY trainable.)

I hung in there. I knew he was interested in me by other people's reactions to us together. He had friends saying how much he had changed, how good he looked, how happy he seemed since we met.

I had this deep affection for him that I could never have explained to anyone. We seemed like such a strange match.

No one had EVER treated me with as much respect in my whole life as this man did in the first two months of our dating.

You have to remember that at the time I was a single mother to one son and he was a part time Dad to two sons.
There was no time for me to play around and find myself. (which is why I sooooo envy you this year of Amy) I couldn't afford to act like I wasn't looking for a commitment. Once I told him I wanted to be with him forever he took the plunge (I basically asked him to marry me) and we were married less than a year later, we have Four sons between the two of us (we had one together) and we have been married 5 1/2 years.

Sometimes people can douse thier own spark as a form of self preservation. You have to go with your gut.

My AMAZING relationship was based on respect, not fire. Although, the fire that we have built is REALLY HOT now. ; D

If you can't tell, I am madly in love with my husband.