I own a book called The Book of Questions. I have purchased this book several times for people just about to enter a marriage. I don't think it helped mine at all but it's an interesting book nonetheless. It makes you think. If you answer the questions with someone else it makes you wonder what they hell they are thinking and if you can possibly be compatible. Maybe it isn't the best book to buy for couples starting out afterall.
Here's a sample at random: #77 Do you feel ill at ease going alone to either dinner or a movie? What about going on a vacation by yourself?
It's funny that this was the question I picked (and yes, it was at random). I think for a long time I was in training to be a single woman. I went to the movies by myself - once my X and I went to the theater together and then saw different movies. That didn't work out so well as they were different lengths and he had to wait awhile for me to get out. And then he sighed like it was my fault my movie was longer than his was. Anyway, I actually like going to the movies by myself because I don't have to worry about the other person's comfort. And it's not like you should be having a conversation anyway.
On the other hand, dinner by yourself is awkward if you don't have something that allows you to look like you are busy, like a book or paperwork, but I have done it. I did it for the first time at a Denny's. Go me.
I have gone on several vacations by myself. The commencement of these solo vacations was the beginning of the end of my marriage. My X did not like taking vacations. Or rather, wouldn't take time off and certainly wouldn't have planned any vacations himself. So it was up to me to not only plan the vacations but also to beg, force, and cajole him to take time off. It doesn't exactly make you feel good when you are forcing someone to spend time with you. He of course did not see it that way. He thought every day he took off was one more day he was adding on to the end of his degree program. Let's not mention the many months his committee added to his time as a graduate student. The following two sentences came out of my mouth more than once:1) "You know why my parents got a divorce? Because my Dad wouldn't take time off." And 2) "If you don't spend time with me now, you won't have me to spend time with in the future." I was anything but subtle when I was trying to save my marriage. Sadly, it didn't work.
But I'm not bitter or anything.
Note to couples: It's ok to spend time alone or with your friends but make sure there is enough couple time to make it worth being a couple. What's the point otherwise?
Here's a sample at random: #77 Do you feel ill at ease going alone to either dinner or a movie? What about going on a vacation by yourself?
It's funny that this was the question I picked (and yes, it was at random). I think for a long time I was in training to be a single woman. I went to the movies by myself - once my X and I went to the theater together and then saw different movies. That didn't work out so well as they were different lengths and he had to wait awhile for me to get out. And then he sighed like it was my fault my movie was longer than his was. Anyway, I actually like going to the movies by myself because I don't have to worry about the other person's comfort. And it's not like you should be having a conversation anyway.
On the other hand, dinner by yourself is awkward if you don't have something that allows you to look like you are busy, like a book or paperwork, but I have done it. I did it for the first time at a Denny's. Go me.
I have gone on several vacations by myself. The commencement of these solo vacations was the beginning of the end of my marriage. My X did not like taking vacations. Or rather, wouldn't take time off and certainly wouldn't have planned any vacations himself. So it was up to me to not only plan the vacations but also to beg, force, and cajole him to take time off. It doesn't exactly make you feel good when you are forcing someone to spend time with you. He of course did not see it that way. He thought every day he took off was one more day he was adding on to the end of his degree program. Let's not mention the many months his committee added to his time as a graduate student. The following two sentences came out of my mouth more than once:1) "You know why my parents got a divorce? Because my Dad wouldn't take time off." And 2) "If you don't spend time with me now, you won't have me to spend time with in the future." I was anything but subtle when I was trying to save my marriage. Sadly, it didn't work.
But I'm not bitter or anything.
Note to couples: It's ok to spend time alone or with your friends but make sure there is enough couple time to make it worth being a couple. What's the point otherwise?
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