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When is a friend not a friend?

When is a friend not a friend? More specifically, when is a male friend not just a friend? Is it, as Harry puts it in When Harry Met Sally, impossible for men and women to be friends? I disagree. Unless of course one person just wants to be friends and the other person wants to be more than friends. But how can you tell if someone is just being friendly or if someone is being "friendly"?

As you know if you have been following along and playing the Sassy Pants home game, I have decided that High School Guy is just a friend and Friendster Guy is more than a friend. Both High School Guy and Friendster Guy know about each other and the contexts of our relationships. My X is also in on this crazy loop. (Someday they are all going to be at the same place at once and my head is going to explode. But we will cross that bridge when we come to it.)

Yesterday, Friendster Guy was working so I brought High School Guy to a graduate student semi-formal. We had a good time. He met a bunch of my friends and didn't seem uncomfortable, except when the band had moments of sucking (High School Guy is a musician so paid more attention to the band's prowess than I did). We danced, in a friendly way, no bumping and grinding as the kids do these days. Very above board. He even ran into some people he knew and introduced me. The strange part of the evening actually came before the dance when I went to pick HSG up. When we were about to leave he said, "Oh wait, here." And handed me a CD. "I got this for you for Valentine's Day." "Really?" I said, not sure how to take it. "You went out and bought this for me?" "Well, not really, I stole it from the radio station. [He's a DJ] but I looked around for something I thought you'd like."

Now, is it just me or is it weird for a male friend to be giving a female friend a gift (legally obtained or otherwise) for Valentine's Day? Especially one who knows you have something of a boyfriend? I think I need a reading on this. He also called to wish me Happy Valentine's Day on the day itself. He sang it like Marilyn Monroe's Happy Birthday Mr. President (I had done that to him on his birthday). At the time I thought it was hilarious (it was) but now I'm wondering what he's thinking. Now that I am no longer available to him does he want to be with me? Or is he just being a nice guy? I'm not sure.

What I am sure of is that more and more I consider him just a friend. I had no urge to be anything more than that at the dance, where usually things like that occur. Blame it on the base or what have you but things happen on the dance floor that do not happen elsewhere. Despite the atmosphere, I did not feel drawn to him in that way. We even discussed who he found attractive at the dance hoping one of them would be a friend of mine I could set him up with. All I know is that I'm going to continue on our friend trajectory and until he does something that is not ambiguous I will assume things are kosher.

I need to introduce him to Friendster Guy and soon. It's easier to back off or know where you stand if you have tangible proof of a significant other.

Comments

Anonymous said…
maybe this is me remembering high school, but it might be that it's a lot easier for high school guy to be more open and flirty and sort-of-relationshipy with you now that someone else has won your heart. no pressure on him anymore, right? perhaps if/when things get a little rocky with friendster guy, hsg will back off a bit because he'll be feeling a little performance pressure.
3:58 PM
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