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Numbers Game

hilllady posted a comment regarding my weight loss goal a post or so back. She said...
"Would it upset you if I point out that you look mahvelous, dahling? Seriously: thinner, healthier, happier than I've ever seen you. What's the obsession with a little arrow on a scale?"

First, if anyone is upset when someone tells them they look "mahvelous" they should probably have their head examined and their self-esteem plumped up a little. So thanks HillLady. As a matter of fact I feel "mahvelous" as well. And I am thinner, healthier and happier than I've been in a long time.

However.

The bad answer to the question, "What's the obsession with a little arrow on a scale?" would be: That's what we do, isn't it? Obsess about the number on the scale?

The true answer is that it is less about the number than about the body shape that seems to come with the number. Every morning I can tell if I've gained or lost a pound simply by running my hand over my stomach. This morning I knew I'd come down a little and by George, when I stepped on the scale I was half a pound down from yesterday (which was still a pound and a half up from a week ago when I thought I was on my way to my cinco en Mayo.).

The number on the scale means very little to me in the grand scheme of things. If I weighed 50 pounds more but looked like I lost five I'd be perfectly fine with that. However, a number is easier to blog about and also gives me a specific goal. I do the same thing when I'm exercising. If I don't have a goal, like a distance or a time or a race coming up, I'm a total slacker at the gym. I need something more than an amorphous "I'd like to be fit" goal in order to be motivated. So, whether I like it or not, a weight goal has to be a number at this point.

All my life I've been slightly overweight. Sometimes more than slightly. Six years ago I hit my highest weight. Since then I've slowly, about every six months to a year, lost two pounds. Then I plateau and rest on that weight for awhile. I wobble back and forth like a seesaw on the fulcrum of this number. I stayed at 140 for a while and tipped toward 142, then back to 138. Back and forth, back and forth. Then suddenly, often without even trying, the fulcrum point changes. It was 138 for awhile. Now it's at 136 and it has been there for 2 years. On the one hand that's great. I am able to maintain. However, I know I am capable of moving that fulcrum to 134, or even 132. And it's annoying that my will power is so crappy that I can't.

If you're keeping count, I think this is reason number 3 as to why I want to lose weight: I am tired of being the abs class instructor with a belly. I am an apple. When I gain weight it goes straight to my tummy. When I lose weight it unfortunately comes off every other part first. I have awesome legs and a killer ass (if I do say so myself). I'm beginning to appreciate my shoulders and even my arms. But my gd abs! You can't choose where you want the fat to come off. I'm the poster child for this. I teach an abs class twice a week. I do more crunches and holds and twists than most personal trainers. If I don't have a tiny waist from that, no one can. Therefore, the fat has to come off everywhere before I get to expose the six pack. And therefore I need to pay attention to what I eat and the number on the scale.

Finally, it comes down to health. Apples tend to be more prone to heart disease and diabetes. Given that my paternal grandfather died of a heart attack and my maternal grandmother had a quadruple bypass I'd say these things already run in my family. I also have type I and type II diabetes on both sides of my family; three grandparents, and my father. The only grandparent without diabetes was the one who died of a heart attack before he turned 55. The more fat you carry around your belly, the greater your risk.

If paying attention to the scale will get me to eat more healthily then so be it. I'm tired of buying clothes to hide my stomach. I'm distressed that the pants I bought only a month ago are now tight. I'm annoyed that I can't seem to get myself to eat reasonably enough to lose a couple pounds. I need to tell the world of my goals so that I will be held accountable. I've got the exercise thing down pat. Now I need to focus on the food intake.

They say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. At five pounds that's what? Eighty pounds of cure!


Food intake:
Breakfast: Total yogurt flake cereal, skim milk
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Greek salad with chicken, pita chips, hummus.
Snack: Apple
Dinner: TBD

Comments

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