Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Wanna feel my biceps?

Relationships are hard.

For one, to make them work you actually have to talk to another human being. And what's more, they have to respond.

And there are all sorts of emotions and baggage to wade through in that conversation - sadness, anger, defensiveness, fear, paranoia.

In my marriage, I didn't have a lot of conversations. I may have mentioned previously that I used to consider myself a non-cryer. I never cried. I'd like to amend that statement. I was a cryer who never faced anything that would make her cry. If I was upset I would bottle it up. I wouldn't discuss it with my X because that would lead to tears and tears were a sign of weakness. Or so I thought.

Well, no more. Poor Friendster Guy gets the new Sassy Pants. The woman who has shed more tears in the last 6 months than in the last six years. But it's a good thing. Obviously my avoidance of confronting issues head on did not exactly lead to a happy and long lasting marriage.

I've learned something from that experience. Tears are not a sign of weakness, they are a sign of strength. Of courage. Of a willingness not to let things keep moving forward as is, and to face problems head on, before they become status quo or lead to indifference. The conversations may not be comfortable, but they are worth it. It's like fixing a cavity. There's a dull ache before hand when something is wrong, a brief moment of pain and discomfort while you do what you need to do to fix it, but afterward, you're as good as new. Maybe even better.

And if tears count for anything, I'm one strong woman.


Shell said...

I'm a crier too. It is easy to see it as a sign of weakness, but I try to tell myself that hiding outward manifestations of my emotions would be more cowardly. Besides, who doesn't feel better after a good cry? It's so purging.

Justin M said...

Ah yes.. you are one of the strongest spirited women that I know. Crying is such a wonderful thing. Too bad it's stereotyped as a sign of weakness. I often try to look at it as the body is weaping because it is so overwhealmed with emotions. Happy, sad, angry... funny how all these and more can lead to crying. I am just happy that facing issues has been the real content of this post!

DecemberFlower said...

I'm generally one of those people who bottle things up, at least until I get alone-time and I can let it all out.

Sassy Pants said...

Aw shucks Justin. It just goes to show how much differently we see ourselves from the way other people see us. Or at least how much we don't realize we actually do project the personality we think we have internally but don't think we're expressing. Thanks!

I think you are right about crying's connection to being overwhelmed with emotion. It's like you fill right up and it spills out your eyes. People's wells are just a little dryer or wetter, deeper or shallower than others. Apparently someone has been filling mine with pebbles (or perhaps issues? - god I love analogies)to make it easier for me to reach capacity and spill over.