Thursday, July 13, 2006

Family Loyalty My Ass

My family, specifically my siblings, have adopted my X into the family as if he were the prodigal son. He's been invited to every single family event until November. And I don't say November to be facetious. He's seriously honest-to-god been invited on our family trip to Disney World at Thanksgiving. And he's seriously thinking about going*.

All I have to say to that is where's my fatted calf mo' fo's?

It's to the point that one of the reasons I wasn't keen on having a big 30th birthday party with my family was because I didn't want to be the bad guy and tell them they couldn't invite X. I wouldn't have put it past my sister to ask me if she could. At least she asks. But what am I supposed to say? Saying no makes me the bitch and only makes X look better. However, I definitely would have said no to that. I don't have to now because the plans changed and I'm just going to have a series of smaller get-togethers instead. Fine by me.

It's funny, but I don't really feel all that much like celebrating. And it's not because it's the big three oh either. I'm kind of excited about this milestone. After all, I've already been married and divorced, I have a new promotion, I'm putting down roots somewhere and I have a great boyfriend.** Usually I love a good party. But maybe the "usually" part stems from the fact that I wasn't exactly happy and content in the past. I needed lots of parties and social events to distract me. Now, I don't need them so much. I don't even need to talk as much. You should have seen Friendster Guy and I on vacation. We were content to just sit next to each other on the porch or the beach and just sit. Sit and read. In the past (i.e. with X) I would have felt neglected and I would have spent the whole time with my brain on overdrive thinking I'd offended him, or he didn't love me, or he was annoyed with me, or whatever else negative I could come up with to make myself feel bad about the situation. But with FG the internal monologue is off. It doesn't hurt that the few times he's actually answered my question, "What are you thinking?" he was thinking something totally not having to do with me or even anything else we'd been talking about in the last day or so. Like, how much new rims for his car would cost, or how long it takes gum to dissolve in your stomach. These are not thoughts I need to worry about. So now, instead of thinking that silence is the worst thing ever, I am comfortable in it. I'm finding myself talking less, even in situations without FG.

The only situation I find myself uncomfortable in right now is with my family. I'm trying to win them back while at the same time thinking they should be the ones kissing my ass and trying to win me back after pretty much taking my X's side. My sister has no idea that I stopped telling her anything about the divorce. I heard one too many "Poor X" while I was venting about things. WTF?

Anyway, I'm taking half a day off the day after my birthday (which happens to be my mother's birthday) to go to my mother's company's summer outing. (I'm pretty sure that when they say "Bring your kids" they don't mean grown children who live on their own but whatever.) I really don't want to go all that much but all my siblings will be there and my X WON'T be. It's an opportunity to be with my family as me. And perhaps I may make some, "Gee, maybe you should be on my side a little more." comments.

Suffice it to say this post took the place of my thesis transcribing. Oh well. It was more cathartic than typing someone else's words.

* His father lives in Florida and he might be there for Thanksgiving anyway and he's said he'd only come spend one day with my family, specifically my niece. Thank goodness for small favors. All I have to say is I can't wait for him to explain this to whatever girlfriend he might have at the time.

**Friendster Guy kicks some major ass in his dealing with all this X stuff. He describes the entire situation in two words, "Fucked up." I'd have to agree. He did finally get to meet my sister and one of my brothers over vacation. He's very quiet so it is going to take them a little while to warm up to him. But, as god is my witness, they will warm up to him.


Dr.Nik said...

Time for a throw down :)

Justin M said...

It only seems like "poor X" because you were the one making the decisions... (you know how that goes... once a decision is made, you either agree or disagree with it). Sounds like the it's time for an emotional and heartfelt talk/arguement with the fam! :) I know those oh too well!

Sassy Pants said...

Can I borrow some boxing gloves Nik?

It's definitely time for some sort of discussion. My brother-in-law is on my side for the most part. He's the one who has to deal with my sister constantly inviting X to things. He recognizes it's a little much.

And when I say "poor X" I mean that quite literally. Those words came out of my sisters mouth so often it was like a mantra.

The thing is, I'm only having this problem because my family members are nice people. If they weren't, they wouldn't be giving X the time of day. They are just a little misguided is all. It's an odd situation no matter how you slice it. But no matter what, I'd like to stop feeling like the odd man out in my own family.

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