Monday, October 16, 2006

Belated blogaversary!

Guess what? I almost managed to remember it was the one year anniversary of this blog in time to have an exactly one year later post. Almost. I only missed it by a couple days. And then I procrastinated on posting a couple more days. So be it. Anyway, last year on October 12th I began this journey of self-discovery. I took a quick look at a couple of posts from that time and this one struck me:

I want someone to touch me like they mean it.

I'm not saying sexually (although I'm not ruling that out), I mean those little touches people in love (or at least supposedly in love) give each other. A guiding touch on the back, holding hands, leaning against each other, intimate touches that say "I'm with you and I like that." I've missed that. And for years. I didn't really have that in my marriage. My soon-to-be-ex-spouse wasn't a touchy feely kind of guy but add to that what I calculate as about 2 years of low grade underlying disinterest and you've got not a lot of the kind of touching I'm talking about. Even when it happened there was nothing behind it. It wasn't forced but at least slightly obligatory. Maybe it was forced. I don't know. Do you have any idea how that makes a girl feel? I want the kind of touch where you feel connected. The kind that makes you want to cry when you think how much of it you don't/didn't have.

Sigh...

I can remember being that person and how sad I was because of it. But you know what? A year later I have a relationship with a man who is all about those kind of touches. More than anyone I've ever been with. He'll put his arm around me if I go look over his shoulder when he's at the computer. He'll sit at the other end of the couch and we'll just read all intertwined. He holds my hand. His feet or knees or whatever will find me if I wander too far away in the bed. And we never watch a movie without being in very close proximity to each other. You know what else I love? That he'll kiss me just because I'm near by. Little pecks on the cheek. The forehead. The hand. In public!

If that person I was a year ago had known what she was in for she would have been even more depressed by what she didn't have. But she'd have a hell of a lot of hope. And a lot to look forward to.

Here's to getting what you wish for.

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