Sunday, October 01, 2006

WTF?! (For the 85th time)

Note: My X and I carpooled to our alma mater this weekend so had some quality time together. "Quality time" meaning "forced togetherness because gas prices are too high to warrant taking two cars." During our conversation I found out that my sister is questioning my sexuality. As in, she's wondering if I'm a lesbian. First, if I were, I would be proud to announce it. I have plenty of very close friends who are, and they have lovely relationship and/or just as many dating problems as I do. In addition, my family has no problems with such things so I would have no fear in coming out of the closet. The problem is that I am not a lesbian, have never been a lesbian (nor even had a lesbian experience), and unless my brain gets rewired in an as of yet unknown to science kind of way, I never plan to be a lesbian. And there is no reason for anyone, ESPECIALLY my sister, to think this. When I found that out, I was so pissed I could spit. You should have heard some of the text I was composing for this post in my head while driving home from Homecoming in PA (Luckily, a third friend from the area, who hadn't been sure he would make it to Homecoming, ended up coming and X went home with him so I had plenty of alone time to rant and rave. I'm pretty sure I scared some other drivers.) Let's just say the title of this post was going to be "The post wherein Sassy Pants swears like a mo'fo'." I've had some time to calm down and threw myself a pity party where I ate sushi and a whoopie pie so I feel a little better.

However. (Caution: F-bombs ahead. Maybe I should have kept the original title...)

I'd just like to know what the hell is prompting her (and in the past my brother and brother-in-law) to think that? It's so ignorant.

For another, what the fuck is she doing talking about it with my X? And why the fuck isn't he stating loud and clear that I am not?

Is there something seriously wrong with my siblings that they like my X so much they can't imagine that I'd dump him unless I had recently decided to embrace lesbianism? Because I have some fucking news for them - he pretty much sucked as a spouse. I'm not even going to go into the rest of the conversation I had with him. I'll just get too riled up. Oh fuck it, I'm riled already. The other thing he said is that he hasn't played D&D in a month and a half because he is now "sacrificing" for this girl he's known for that same length of time. I have no regrets from my divorce, and I'm happy that he's found someone, but when I heard that I felt so absolutely bad for the person I was 2 years ago. She would have done anything to know that he was "sacrificing" something for her. But no. I was fucking chopped liver. Chopped lesbian liver*.

They say that for every good man out there, there is some woman who had to put up with his bullshit while she trained him. I'm fucking glad he learned something because I put a hell of a lot of work into that project. I do feel bad for the new woman though. Because this "sacrifice" will not last forever and/or it will lead to resentment on his part. If you are in a relationship you have to be who you are going to be because otherwise, you're going to surprise the heck out of your significant other when the true you comes out. It's not about "sacrifice," it's about compromise. X's new woman may be surprised when D&D reenters the picture.

But enough about that. I need to resettle before I go to bed. Seriously though, what the fuck? Imagine someone you've known forever - a sibling, best friend, a parent, whatever - questioning something so basic and obvious about you with someone you no longer want to be associated with who, in addition, has evidence to negate the questions but does not to appear to have done so. You'd be pissed as hell too.

You'll be happy to know that when I suggested to Friendster Guy that I might have to have sex on my sister's coffee table to stop these obnoxious conversations from happening he was all for it. He said he'd do whatever was necessary. We didn't even have to compromise.

And here I thought my life was getting less interesting and controversial. Fuck!

*I'm afraid of what kind of Google hits I'm going to get from this phrase.


Josh Shear said...

reason #481 to love sassy pants:

through the anger and the swearing like a mo'fo', she keeps her humor:

Chopped lesbian liver*.

*I'm afraid of what kind of Google hits I'm going to get from this phrase.

Shell said...

Ha! That was awesome.

I mean, I'm not pleased that your sister made you mad, you understand. But the resulting post was great.