Saturday, January 27, 2007

I feel much better thank you

Unsettled.

That was the word I was looking for yesterday during my moments of anxiety. Unsettled. Like I was a little askew and, in all honesty, ready to smack someone if they annoyed me too much. Which wasn't going to be hard for someone to do. Looking at my calendar today, I think maybe PMS crept up on me.

I was all set to dive head first into a Friday night funk when I smacked my internal self around a little and said, "Get thee to the gym and suck it up. Even if you don't feel like a nicer human at least you will have burned some of the funk calories you are bound to eat later."

So I did a little cardio at the gym and I actually did feel better. Before that, as I was leaving work (an hour later than usual because I felt the need to get something, anything done) I was all about the internal complaint dialogue* but the exercise cleared my head and I got my inner voice back onto an even keel and all those worries didn't seem so big anymore. Plus, some snuggly time with Friendster Guy always calms me down. It's like prozac.

My life is not as chaotic as yesterday's anxiety was leading me to believe. I can afford my life. The back and forth between places isn't that bad. Plus, I'd rather be living with someone who is ready to live with me, not someone who moves in because his girlfriend is freaking out and scares him into it. (Seriously FG, no pressure.) And if X dies and X's girlfriend wants to keep the truck I'll say "Fine, stop crying and fork over some cash." (Sometimes bitchy can be helpful.)


* My inner complaint dialogue was going a little something like this: I am so tired of living in two different places because I can't do what I need to do at his place and he can't do what he needs to do at my place and I feel bad about him and stressed about me and then the food that can make an actual meal is always over in the other place or there is no food in either fridge so we eat out and I get fat and have to spend all my time in the gym so I don't get to see FG anyway in either apartment and then I feel guilty because he pays for most of the meals out and I'm so poor and if we lived together I'd be saving money and I could pay off my car which is probably going to fall apart as soon as I have the title and speaking of titles what if my X dies while I'm still on the truck loan and I have to pay for that too and I have to talk to X's now widowed girlfriend about it and she's all nostalgic about the truck because he's dead and she won't let me sell it in order to pay it off and and and...

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