Skip to main content

Man oh man and wife.

Phone rings.

Sassy Pants: Hello?

Female Voice: Hey, it's Amy!

Sassy Pants: (Amy who?) Amy...?

Female voice: Amy So-And-So!

Sassy Pants: Ohmygoshhi! (What the heck is she calling me for? She's never called me before. Oh yeah, she just got engaged.)

Amy So-And-So: What going on?!

Sassy Pants: (I hate that question. I mean, I could tell her that before she called I was heading into the bathroom to treat a yeast infection but that might be too much information. Or, I could fill her in on the last year of my life since that's at least how long it's been since we've spoken.) Not much. You?

Amy So-And-So: Have you heard the news? I'm engaged!

Sassy Pants: My sister told me just today! Congratulations! (Sort of. When I met your boyfriend he was an overbearing jerk and I was hoping you'd dump his ass. Sigh.) So when's the wedding?

Amy So-And -So: Not until Fall of 2008.

Sassy Pants: (Oh good, she'll have plenty of time to back out.) Great! Are you going to do it in town?

[interlude for requisite wedding discussion. I'm sure I put plenty of people through this myself back in the day. Payback's a bitch.]

Amy So-And-So: So anyway, um, I was wondering...would you be in my wedding?

Sassy Pants: ( 1) I don't like your fiance, 2) We were friends from age 3 to age 8 when I moved 4 hours away. Granted, there were a few times when I saw you over the years and when I did we got along fine but really, I don't even know you.) Of course! I'd be honored. (I'm such a two-faced bitch.)

Amy So-And-So: I'm so glad! I thought back over my life at the people who are the most important to me and it was you, my sister, my cousin and my friend Somebody and I want you all to be in it.

Sassy Pants: (You, my dear girl, have some weird nostalgia thing going on but since you are now engaged you are allowed to be a little crazy in the head.) Thank you for including me!

[commence requisite "now I have to get on the treadmill," "Looks like I should start counting carbs" conversation." Blah, blah, blah. Bye. Bye. Hang up.]

Sassy Pants turns to Friendster Guy: Looks like I'm gonna be a bridesmaid for Amy So-And-So.

Friendster Guy: Isn't that the woman with the boyfriend who's a jerk?

Sassy Pants: Yes! (That FG, he sure pays attention and remembers a hell of a lot of stuff.) You free in the fall of '08?

Friendster Guy: Sure. At least she'll have plenty of time to back out.

Sassy Pants: Exactly! [Then, to no one in particular] Did I even invite her to my wedding?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Making Eye Babies

Colleges often have a lot of rules the students need to follow. After all, a bunch of 18-21 year olds can't really be expected to self-govern on their own, at least not 24/7, no matter how vehement they are that they can do just that. (I was 18-21 once myself so I know it's annoying to hear that. I don't mean all 18-21 year olds individually, I mean when they all get together in one place.) Then there are Christian Colleges which have more rules, often based on biblical teachings and moral dictates. Further down the spectrum is Bob Jones University* which considers the Christian colleges just too darn liberal so they piles on a bunch of morally based codes of behavior. Not to be outdone by the crazy liberal heathens at Bob Jones, Pensacola Christian College goes hog wild with the rules and moral imperatives and makes the Taliban look almost liberal. An article in the March 24th edition of the Chronicle of Higher Education explains some of the rules and regulations the stu...
5 comments
Read more

Gone by the wayside

I have no idea if anyone is reading this anymore. If you have been loyally checking back now and again I applaud you. At one point this blog was a therapeutic outlet for me. I'm glad to have a chronicle of my experiences during this time of my life. Now, however, instead of a creative outlet it's more of a nagging reminder that I should be posting and this girl does not need one more thing on her "To Do" list. I'd love for you to explore the archives if you so chose. If you have already done so, here's a brief update: Friendster Guy and I are still together and co-habitating. We are in domestic, but still unwedded, bliss (that status could be a post or two in and of itself, but, as I've just said, I'm done with that.) We're so domesticated we're in the market for granite countertops. We also just returned from an Aussie/New Zealand vacation and if 8 days in a tiny RV won't solidify (or destroy) a relationship nothing will. We're stronge...
23 comments
Read more

Addendum to Resolutions

I'm adding two things to my New Year's Resolutions - 5) Read more using this list as a guide: 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die. I have no idea how many I've already read. I'll have to make a spreadsheet. You can do anything with a spreadsheet. Not that you should , but you can. 6) Get a massage every 6-8 weeks . This probably doesn't need an explanation. I had one for only the 3rd time this week. It's been at least 4 years since my last one. My gym has a spa attached to it and they had an intern doing free massages. Hello? Sign me up! Now that I've had one I'm wanting more. If I eat out less I might even be able to justify it. I wonder if I can write it off on my taxes?
9 comments
Read more