Monday, February 05, 2007

Valentine's Day

More good things in life are lost by indifference than ever were lost by active hostility.

~Robert Gordon Menzies

I don't like being one of those people who care about Valentine's Day. I really don't. But I do care. I care because if I had been paying closer attention in my last relationship - i.e. my marriage - the way I was treated on things like Valentine's Day, anniversaries, and my birthday would have clued me in to how indifferent X was to me. Actually, I was paying attention. I just didn't quite realize that he wasn't just indifferent to the holiday(s), he was indifferent to me.

Anyone who spends a month planning for a Dungeons and Dragons game hosted at our home ON Valentine's Day, and doesn't then take the time to make reservations for us or give a gift, however small, is saying something. What he's saying is this: You don't matter to me as much as ____. In my case, the ____ was work, and Dungeons & Dragons.

What Valentine's Day means to me is someone taking the time to think about the person they chose to spend their time with and saying, yes, I chose you. You mean something to me. You matter. You matter enough for me to take five seconds out of my day, think about something that would make you smile, and follow through. And it's not just the guy's responsibility. I have something in mind for Friendster Guy. Part of the pleasure of Valentine's Day is thinking about that other person (who you hopefully enjoy thinking about) and figuring out what makes them happy, even if it's just a box of Cheez-its and a six pack of their favorite beer (Note to FG: This is not what you are getting. Although it is a good idea.)

Luckily for Friendster Guy, the bar has been set very low. I'd even be happy to give him a $25 spending limit if I didn't think that would probably stress him out more.

Unluckily for Friendster Guy, that bar wasn't just set low, it was used to smack me upside the back of the head and hurt me. I have some lingering issues surrounding this holiday. Maybe a couple of rounds with someone who isn't indifferent will cure it. Last year, we were hardly even dating and FG hand delivered flowers to my office - while on his way to his grandfather's funeral. Despite the fact that he was dealing with a family tragedy, he still took the time to show me I mattered and that he cared. It was a simple act and a simple gift, but it was an important gesture and it made me happy.

And that, my friends, is what I'm talking about.

1 comment:

Mica Tucker said...

Not sure exactly why, but this post got to me. Maybe it's too familiar. Anyway, I hope your Valentine's Day is full of flowers and chocolates (or those little chalky sugar hearts. No too much off subject, there is a performance on Feb 16 and 17 (7pm) at VLS of the Vagina Monologues (to really bring you down, then up again).