Wednesday, April 11, 2007

One day at a time

Quick! Stop the presses! This is horrible, just horrible. I don't know how the world is going to cope with this news. It's just...I can't even...Life as we know it can't go on! Not with headlines like this in the news:

Valerie Bertinelli - Ready to Get Slim: The TV star, now a size 14, vows to lose 30 lbs, and opens up about finding love after her split from Eddie Van Halen.

According to the Table of Contents: "Actress Valerie Bertinelli opens up about being "fat," finding love after Eddie Van Halen and her public vow to lose weight."

First, I would like to say that wearing a white muumuu on the cover of a magazine does not make one fat. It does however make me question her judgement and/or the judgement of the shoot coordinators. Even Kate Moss could almost pull off girth in a muumuu. Second, size 14 is not "fat." I've been there, and although I didn't really like it, it wasn't a death sentence. Look how cute and happy Valerie looks (except that she's thinking, "I can't f'ing believe they put me in this f'ing muumuu. I'm going to kill my agent.")

Would you ever see a headline like that for a male actor? I can't imagine they'd put John Travolta on the cover of a magazine in a muumuu. In fact, they'd probably applaud him for breaking the mold, or aging gracefully. But poor 47 year old, 5'4" Valerie has to talk about how she's going to lose weight - in tandem with the breakup of her marriage. At least we know she's like every woman - hitting the Ben and Jerry's for comfort. You go Valerie. I like her more already.

The problem is, Valerie is a sitcom star - or could be again. EXCEPT, producers don't allow women in sitcoms to have any body fat unless they are the wise cracking comic relief, a la Mimi on the Drew Carey show or Berta on Two and a Half Men. However, the men (Drew Carey, Jim Belushi, Tony Soprano) get to be way larger than a size 14 and no one says a peep. The woman in those shows all have to be 100 pounds and double D. The men just have to have double chins.

Good luck Valerie. I hope you find happiness. Just know that it doesn't necessarily come from wearing size 6 jeans.

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