Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Something's fishy. News at 11.

It is on days like these, when the weather surprises me by being a tit bit more nipply than I expected in the morning, that I think, "Gosh, perhaps I should watch the News and find out what's going on in the world. At least I'd know I should bring a jacket."

Then I realize how much happier I am not to know. Because really, unless I need to evacuate tout sweet, shouldn't be drinking the water from my tap, a killer is stalking my neighborhood right this instant, or I want to kick ass at Trivial Pursuit 15 years from now, I don't need to know. At least I don't need to know what passes for "News" anymore - celebutants in and out of rehab, politicians lying and retiring, the next crazy disease that is going to wipe us out.

I watched an "episode" of the News the other week and all it was was fear mongering. Every scene was them screaming, with graphics and scrolling information, "Here is what you NEED TO BE AFRAID OF! We're not kidding. Really! Be afraid. Be very afraid! There are fish, FISH, that jump out of the water and can HURT YOU*! See, see this cute little blonde girl? She was cut by the FISH! All because she went out with her family on what seemed to be a normal day. Just like you are living right now. Until...shewascutbyajumping FISH! It could happen to you. Keep watching or you won't know what's gonna getcha. Scared yet? Oogabooga. And now a word from our sponsors - Fishbegone Pepper Spray"

I think I'll just check the weather on-line.

*You can't make this stuff up if you tried.

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