Saturday, February 09, 2008

Showers

In lieu of an actual real post of substance here's an email forward I got from one of my clients. I'm still trying to figure out where they put the camera in order to tape our morning routine.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing a long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc... Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower and stand on bathmat. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband
along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass. Get in the shower, wash your face, wash your armpits. Pee. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend the majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck to the soap. Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of
the shower. Avoid bathmat. Dry off forearms and butt only. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of the tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the"woo-woo" sound again! Throw wet towel on bed.

2 comments:

DecemberFlower said...

Wow. I imagine the author was a little disgruntled with her spouse. :P

Queen Geek said...

Heheheheheheheheheheheheh.

That was funny.