Friday, January 06, 2006

Screw Mars and Venus - Men are hornets, women are spiders

Warning: I apologize to my nice guy friends for some of the content of this post. I am generalizing. Know that if you are reading this I probably shared it with you and that means you fall into the nice guy category. Proceed.

Men are pigs. Except for the nice ones of course. But what distinguishes the nice guys from the bacon products? Common sense, dignity, respect, and treating women as if they are your mother, sister or daughter, or even just another human being. I can only imagine what some of the guys I've encountered would do if they discovered their mother/daughter/sister being treated the way they've treated other women.

Apparently, if you are a woman you are fair game for random men to email you with grammatically incorrect propositions. Do men get these? I'm curious about it from an anthropological/sociological stand point. Are some men so...ballsy, I guess is the right word, that they'll just hit on anyone regardless of who that women is or what she's looking for? It's one thing to be forward and say hello. It's another to make a person uncomfortable. Let me share some examples.

I believe I already mentioned the guy who was a "closet nympho for the right girl" and the man who loved my smile but couldn't spell the word people. I have also recently received, through MySpace, the following from a British mildly LLCoolJ look alike

"hello baby how are u doing how is life with u i went throught ur profile it nice and i would love to know u better. cares"
Followed within a half an hour by a more mild but still a little concerning-

"you looked beautiful and i live near you so i decided to message you."
The "I live near you" thing is a little scary. I can imagine it being followed by "so near you in fact that I see you every day. You don't know it though. I like watching you. I'd like to smell your hair."

Women do not send men messages like this. Do we fear rejection more? Do we know we'd sound ridiculous? Or do women send these messages? I think perhaps we're more subtle. I think women spin webs for men to get themselves tangled up in. Men just lunge at anything that moves. Sometimes our webs are pretty obvious. Other times, all it takes is the word "single" to get a guy flying at you.

Friendster Guy and I were browsing Match and MySpace so I could show him how scary it is to be a woman and someone showed up with the phrase "A sweet spot I can't tell you about" in their profile under best feature. Yuck. I had never seen that option before and said so. Friendster Guy had seen several women with that particular description and made it clear that it was not a turn on to him. This is the subtlety I'm talking about. Ok, so this example isn't all that subtle. But a woman who puts that in her profile is looking for just the sort of emails I've been receiving. What about my profile says I want that? The likelihood that the people I'm getting these emails from are actually reading my profile is slim.

I guess I'd rather be getting this response via cyberspace than in person. The problem is determining how far apart the two actually are. In this area, not very.

FYI: I just checked Match and I must only have access to the non-skeezy Match choices because "a sweet spot" isn't an option I'm allowed to choose and I can't write anything in that field. Interesting.


Anonymous said...


i'm not wired in such a way that it would even occur to me to say that sort of thing. and internet shorthand is such a turnoff for me. given the spate of learning disabilities out there, i've learned to look past basic grammar and spelling errors in profiles (heck, i consciously write in all lower case in most e-mails, comment threads and instante messages).

but coming off as stalkerish or assuming people are only trolling for sex? i'll repeat. ewww.

Sassy Pants said...

This is why you are one of the "nice guys." And I consider that a high compliment, not something to be ashamed of as is often construed.

Anonymous said...

thanks, sp. i consider it a compliment as well.

NinjaMama said...

I think you would be surprised how many women are out there doing the same stuff the pigs, I mean men are.

Andy and I actually know a woman, not by choice, that has a profile. Our pet name for her is slam pig.

It happens more than you want to know.