Thursday, January 26, 2006

The title of the movie about my life would be: Schizophrenia and Self-Doubt

In reponse to Jen M's comment, Friendster Guy is pretty much perfect. The jury is still out as to whether he is perfect for me. I can wish for one verdict but sometimes that's not enough, or not the right one in the long run.

If my life were a movie (and why shouldn't it be?) this would be the part where the audience yells at me for being an idiot for letting a good guy go. Don't worry, so far he's still around. We're making plans for Friday night that hopefully will involve a lot of talking. No couches. He's so quiet I don't feel like I know him yet and I want to give him every opportunity to surprise me into sparks.

I have a fear that I need to be aware of and counteract. My fear is that because Friendster Guy shares many similarities with my X I am making assumptions about ways he might respond to certain situations. That's not really fair. For instance, there is a semi-formal I am planning on attending next month. If Friendster Guy is like my X, he will not enjoy himself and I will feel like I'm forcing him to be there. However, he could, and probably would, surprise me and be all for dancing the night away with drunken graduate students he doesn't know. At the same time, I'd rather not have to "test" him to figure this out. I just want to have a good time. I want to go with someone who I know I won't have to babysit (I did a lot of cajoling and compromising with my X to get him to go to things with me. Even though he ended up having a good time it wasn't fun having to practically grovel each time I wanted him to join me at an event). I think it would be more fun to go with High School Guy now that we have established boundaries as friends. He's social, funny, and can work a crowd. Plus, if I go with a friend I can flirt with people at the dance and my date won't care.

The fact that I want to flirt with other guys at the dance seems to indicate that I am either not ready for a relationship or not ready for a relationship with my current options. I think the latter is true.

SassyPants' prediction for 2006 (it may not be smart but it's probably true): Here's what I predict is going to happen. I am going to give Friendster Guy the old college try. I'm going to drive myself crazy wondering why it just isn't working with such a great guy. I'm going to get in deeper than I wanted to. I am going to wonder why the hell I didn't nip this in the bud when I first saw the no chemistry signs. You are going to get to watch me spiral into stupidity and doubt.

1 comment:

NinjaMama said...

this whole semi-formal issue is not about the guy you bring.

Amy, I am going to put you on the couch.

You can only FEEL like you are forcing someone to be somewhere if you put thier feeling first and yourself second.
If you invite someone to go with you and they accept, at that point it is partly thier responibility to make the best of the situation. If you have fun, they have fun. Unless they don't really care that you are having fun.

My husband does not like to socialize much, but when he comes along with me he does it for me. He likes to watch me let loose and laugh with my friends, and see me interact with other people. He'd rather be ice fishing but I don't worry about him having fun because at that moment, I come first.

When we go ice fishing it is all about him and the fish. Trust me.

Change your expectations and it will change the pressure on the other person.