Monday, January 30, 2006

The X Factor

Friendster Guy being at least superficially like my X is turning out to be a good thing. For one, he keeps surprising me by not being like my X. A pleasant surprise now and again does a body good. You know what else does a body good? Well, something else I choose not to talk about directly on this blog that's what.

Anyway...

Another reason the similarities he has with my X (and my fears around that) are good is I am forced to take note of how I react to things he does or things I think he will do. With some other guy completely unlike my X I'd still have the same fears but I might not address them directly or even recognize the way they make me react. For instance, I am slightly nervous, or at least shy, to ask Friendster Guy to dinner with some friends of mine. As mentioned previously, my X was not really social and made me jump through hoops to get him to go anywhere with me. I find myself making assumptions that Friendster Guy will not want to go. However, because I am aware of his similarities to X and am trying to counteract my potential reaction to them, I am working against those assumptions. Does any of that make sense?

Let's see if I can make it simpler -
Acknowledging you have a problem is the first step in any 12 Step Program. With a guy dissimilar to my X, I might not realize I have a problem (i.e. all the neurotic crazy things floating in my head as a result of my last relationship). But with Friendster Guy they pop right to the surface and I must face them.

I might have to share this with Friendster Guy so he can be aware of why I might do some of the things I do.

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