Thursday, March 02, 2006

There is something to be said for sex with other people before marriage

I'm feeling very inexperienced. Don't get me wrong, I've done most of the deeds. However, my repertoire is limited in scope and variety. What exactly am I trying to say here without being too graphic...I feel like I'm 17 (or whatever age you can imagine a person being sexually active. For the record I was more like 20) and I've had sex but I still don't know exactly what I'm doing or what it's all about. And I'm this poor 17 year old and I'm talking to my girlfriends and they're like, "What? You never did/felt that? Girlfriend, you're behind the times." Only it's not the acts themselves I'm talking about, it's the comfort level within them, the sensualness, the intimacy.

I have had sex. I have made love. But I have not had this kind of sex or this kind of making love. The fact that I am squeemish about the phrase "making love" means that my sexual development is behind. I'm like freaking Beavis and Butthead. Heh heh, heh heh, she said "making love". Like it makes me nervous for some reason (can you say insecurity and fear of rejection?) There, that's it. My sexual development is stilted. And it's because, well, because I was with someone for a long time who was also behind a little. And instead of growing together, we stayed the same, and then ultimately grew apart. I'm just now discovering what all the fuss is about. That sounds awful but it's pretty much true. What I am discovering is that sex is funny, sex is connection, sex should make you feel attractive, it should be comfortable, it is sensual, it involves all the senses. With the right person it can make you feel completely vulnerable but absolutely safe at the same time.

Here's a quote:

"Sex is emotion in motion." ~Mae West

I might have started out in the remedial class, but I'm quickly moving up to Honors.

1 comment:

josh said...

thought...you might try pulling some ideas from blogs that focus on sex. Matisse might be a jumping-off point, even if a little not-your-style (either way, i'm not interested in going there; some things some of us don't need to know).

but the real reason i had to leave a comment is that your head has clearly not exploded. we want details on friendster guy plus x plus maybe high school guy.