I need to vent.
I am on a softball team. This team happens to be made up of people my X works with, i.e. a bunch of graduate students and a couple of profs. When X and I were a couple, we were both friends with everyone in the group. Now that we are no longer a couple, there is a very subtle shift in the dynamic. Especially among the girls. The guys are fine. They don't get subtlety and they are there to play a game, not to care about relationships.
So the girls. Obviously it makes sense on a certain level that they would sort of rally around my X. They work with him after all. But at the same time, I don't want to be made to feel like a second class citizen, or a third wheel, or what have you. I don't feel like I can talk to them about by current personal life, even though they can talk about my X's current personal life in front of me. Maybe we never had that kind of relationship in the first place. Maybe it's partly my fault. I guess I haven't exactly invited them over for tea either. But I made an effort by even being on this team. Most X spouses would not continue to participate if their X did. But I like playing, X doesn't mind, and for the most part it's fine.
You know what though? My X lost nothing but me in the divorce. In fact, he gained. His/our friends that happen to be more connected with him rallied around him and got him all social. (It was like pulling teeth to get him to go out before.) Then I lost those friends and those social activities. My family rallied around him as well. To the point where I can't bitch about what the hell happened because they'll feel bad for him instead of for me. I lost an open relationship with my sister because she's still involved in his life and I couldn't vent to her about things. In fact, she vented about me to him. WTF? I don't think she realizes that I don't share with her anymore. She's too busy hanging out with my X to notice. X has even been invited on the family vacation to Disney World. Luckily he had the good sense to, well, not exactly say no, but at least say he'd only stop by for a day while visiting his father in Florida.
So, you add my sister and my softball team and I feel a little like a red-headed step-child. No offense to red-headed step-children since I actually am one. Or at least I am when I bust out the hair dye.
I am on a softball team. This team happens to be made up of people my X works with, i.e. a bunch of graduate students and a couple of profs. When X and I were a couple, we were both friends with everyone in the group. Now that we are no longer a couple, there is a very subtle shift in the dynamic. Especially among the girls. The guys are fine. They don't get subtlety and they are there to play a game, not to care about relationships.
So the girls. Obviously it makes sense on a certain level that they would sort of rally around my X. They work with him after all. But at the same time, I don't want to be made to feel like a second class citizen, or a third wheel, or what have you. I don't feel like I can talk to them about by current personal life, even though they can talk about my X's current personal life in front of me. Maybe we never had that kind of relationship in the first place. Maybe it's partly my fault. I guess I haven't exactly invited them over for tea either. But I made an effort by even being on this team. Most X spouses would not continue to participate if their X did. But I like playing, X doesn't mind, and for the most part it's fine.
You know what though? My X lost nothing but me in the divorce. In fact, he gained. His/our friends that happen to be more connected with him rallied around him and got him all social. (It was like pulling teeth to get him to go out before.) Then I lost those friends and those social activities. My family rallied around him as well. To the point where I can't bitch about what the hell happened because they'll feel bad for him instead of for me. I lost an open relationship with my sister because she's still involved in his life and I couldn't vent to her about things. In fact, she vented about me to him. WTF? I don't think she realizes that I don't share with her anymore. She's too busy hanging out with my X to notice. X has even been invited on the family vacation to Disney World. Luckily he had the good sense to, well, not exactly say no, but at least say he'd only stop by for a day while visiting his father in Florida.
So, you add my sister and my softball team and I feel a little like a red-headed step-child. No offense to red-headed step-children since I actually am one. Or at least I am when I bust out the hair dye.
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