Skip to main content

It's ok to be vulnerable

In my fourth or fifth post to this blog, way back in October, I said I want someone to touch me like they meant it. Last night Friendster Guy did just that and I started to cry. We were lying in bed doing that pre-sleep snuggle when you're hands are just kind of wandering lightly with no goal in mind and he started to stroke my hair and run his finger down my face. And all of a sudden there was a crack in the wall I had put up for so long to protect myself from the lack of intimacy in my marriage. My eyes teared up and I got very quiet. He noticed right away but let me show him in my own time, just in case I didn't want him to know.

"Are you ok?" he asked, looking me in the eyes through the dark.

"Yeah... I don't know what my deal is." I shook my head against his chest. I struggled with wanting to tell him everything I was thinking and my inability to spit it out. "It's just that...I'm not used to tenderness." A pause while I hid another round of tears in his arm. "You stroking my hair makes me want to cry." I finally managed to say. And then quickly, "but I like it."He continued stroking my hair.

"Sorry." I said.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about." he replied, holding me tighter, stroking my hair with more intention, and then kissing me on the top of the head.

Sigh...

Comments

Anonymous said…
awww.... you deserve every bit of intimacy and unabashed desire and caring that's out there. enjoy it!
6:36 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Making Eye Babies

Colleges often have a lot of rules the students need to follow. After all, a bunch of 18-21 year olds can't really be expected to self-govern on their own, at least not 24/7, no matter how vehement they are that they can do just that. (I was 18-21 once myself so I know it's annoying to hear that. I don't mean all 18-21 year olds individually, I mean when they all get together in one place.) Then there are Christian Colleges which have more rules, often based on biblical teachings and moral dictates. Further down the spectrum is Bob Jones University* which considers the Christian colleges just too darn liberal so they piles on a bunch of morally based codes of behavior. Not to be outdone by the crazy liberal heathens at Bob Jones, Pensacola Christian College goes hog wild with the rules and moral imperatives and makes the Taliban look almost liberal. An article in the March 24th edition of the Chronicle of Higher Education explains some of the rules and regulations the stu...
5 comments
Read more

Gone by the wayside

I have no idea if anyone is reading this anymore. If you have been loyally checking back now and again I applaud you. At one point this blog was a therapeutic outlet for me. I'm glad to have a chronicle of my experiences during this time of my life. Now, however, instead of a creative outlet it's more of a nagging reminder that I should be posting and this girl does not need one more thing on her "To Do" list. I'd love for you to explore the archives if you so chose. If you have already done so, here's a brief update: Friendster Guy and I are still together and co-habitating. We are in domestic, but still unwedded, bliss (that status could be a post or two in and of itself, but, as I've just said, I'm done with that.) We're so domesticated we're in the market for granite countertops. We also just returned from an Aussie/New Zealand vacation and if 8 days in a tiny RV won't solidify (or destroy) a relationship nothing will. We're stronge...
23 comments
Read more

Addendum to Resolutions

I'm adding two things to my New Year's Resolutions - 5) Read more using this list as a guide: 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die. I have no idea how many I've already read. I'll have to make a spreadsheet. You can do anything with a spreadsheet. Not that you should , but you can. 6) Get a massage every 6-8 weeks . This probably doesn't need an explanation. I had one for only the 3rd time this week. It's been at least 4 years since my last one. My gym has a spa attached to it and they had an intern doing free massages. Hello? Sign me up! Now that I've had one I'm wanting more. If I eat out less I might even be able to justify it. I wonder if I can write it off on my taxes?
9 comments
Read more