Big Girl Underoos

Everyone, grab your favorite Muggle and get ready to hop on your Nimbus 2000, touch a port key, use your floo powder, or wingardium leviosa yourself to Orlando in 2010! Why? Universal Studios Islands of Adventure is opening a Harry Potter "Island." As Ron would say, "Wicked!" I couldn't be more excited if they were to hold the Triwizard Tournament on the campus where I work. Ok, maybe I'd be a little excited if that were to happen, but it's not likely so this is the next best thing. Obviously, I have been hiding my Harry Potter mania from you all. Interestingly enough, I heard the news from my Mom who is right now running out to Diagon Alley to outfit herself in the latest witchy wear. She's already got the cat. Seriously, you have no idea how much my mother would love to find a letter from Hogwart's in the mail apologizing for the late notice but she's been accepted. I have to admit, I'd think it was pretty cool myself. (And, uh, yeah...

This is 7 pounds of butter. Each stick of butter is 4 oz., therefore 1/4 of a pound. My 7 week challenge is to lose these 28 sticks of butter - mostly the ones spread over my inner thighs, upper arms, and abs. Good lord. As of this morning, however, I had lost 2.5 pounds. Translated into butter, that's nine sticks. Nine sticks! As a very visual person, this stick of butter comparison is very helpful. Not for stopping my craving for anything I can dip in or coat with butter, but for realizing that a pound is actually quite a large mass. Not to mention an accomplishment. Do you have any requests for pound to object comparisons? (Something easily measurable) Perhaps I will have more fun with Photoshop on your behalf.

I am conducting a very dangerous experiment this morning. I went a little crazy at the grocery store yesterday and purchased Nature's Path Optimum Power Cereal with Flax, Soy, and Blueberry . What can I say? It was on sale. I was feeling virtuous. I was trying desperately not to buy the Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs (#82). I had some this morning and it was surprisingly good. If you're a Captain Crunch kind of person it might shock your pallet a little, but despite the fact that I don't really like the texture of something as "healthy" as Cheerios, I actually liked it. It's got sweetened twigs, flakes, and puffed rice thingies so the texture and "mouth feel" vary enough to make you not think someone has tied you to a trough. The thing is, it also has fiber. Lots and lots of fiber - 10g in one serving, which adds up to 40% of a person's daily fiber needs in one bowl. And who am I kidding, when was the last time I ate just a serving of cereal? Eve...

Ok, so it's practically half way through the third week. So be it. It's that much closer to Friday. Mostly, this post is going to be about random stuff and nothing at all of real interest or help to you. First: I somehow lost 2 pounds over the last week! I was getting a little disheartened since I hadn't lost a single thing before now. I was convincing myself that the new muscle was simply cancelling out the weight loss. Luckily, I lost the 2 pounds (!) before that lie started to lose its powers. Second: I am in love with Lean Cuisine Glazed Turkey Tenderloins . It's like all the best things about Thanksgiving in 5 minutes. I have no idea how they pack all that flavor into 260 calories of formerly frozen goodness. Seriously, I had to stop myself from licking the plastic container. Third: I am wearing a skirt that I usually consider unflattering, i.e. makes me look larger than I actually am and, for some reason today, it actually looks good! I think the top I chose to we...

There's something both disturbing and amusing about the hearse I saw this weekend with the license plate "LKY STF."

Welcome perverts of the internet**! This post is not about what you think it's about. What it is about is this: I would find it infinitely easier to love my body if I didn't have to worry about my inner thighs catching on fire/fusing together/chafing to hamburger*** now that pantyhose-free season is here. Ouch. * I totally couldn't resist the title of this post. It came to me as if from heaven. Who am I to squelch inspiration from on high? Or for that matter, from below? ** You know who you are. Nice to see you again. *** Mmmm....hamburger. Welcome to the opening weekend of grill season! whoo hoo!

And a long weekend no less. Amen and Ohm.

Yesterday, at the gym, I had a slight problem. The problem was that it was a tit bit nipply. Actually, it was not a tit bit, it was a whole hell of a lot of bit nipply. I couldn't have been standing at attention anymore if I'd been dumped into an ice bath. It was almost obscene. And there's no way to hide that when you've got weights in your hands and mirrors all around. I don't know if it was the vigor with which I was exercising, or the shirt I was wearing or what, but damn. I know for sure I wasn't being checked out by the guys because of the amount of weight I was lifting. All I can say is that at least they were pointed forward and perky. Still, good grief.

You - "Oh no she di'int!" Me - "Yup, I went there." You - "But why? I mean, really, what purpose could it possibly serve?" Me - "Well, I needed some accountability. I needed to know exactly what I'm talking about when I say, 'I need to lose a little weight.'" You - "Apparently, you also needed some humiliation because, c'mon. Putting your "Before" pictures up on the internet? Holy bejeezus." Me - "I know. I'm kind of appalled at myself as well. Especially since some of my readers happen to be ex-boyfriends (Hi guys! See what you're missing?) and co-workers. And a whole hell of a lot of people that I don't even know but who can now say they have seen me in as little as I ever tend to be dressed in. Especially on the abs. I love that they invented tankinis in my lifetime because my abs never see the light of day (as you can see from the overly caucasian pigmentation.) As you can also see, I...

How y'all doing? I know it's a couple of days in to the second week of Sassy's Seven Week Fitness Challenge and I have said hide nor hair about it. "Sassy, did you get all in a kerfuffle about trying to be funny and then clam up in fear because you have this irrational need/urge/drive to be liked?" Why yes, dear readers, I did. And now I'm over it. So pblttt! Ok, so, I did not lose any weight this week. On the one hand, sweet mother of mochas, why, god, why!? On the other hand, I didn't gain any either. Phew. Since I can't prance around in a tizzy over any weight loss, I can congratulate myself on other things I did well. If you're in the same boat, I suggest you do the same. Quick review: My goal is to lose 5 % of my body weight which ends up being 7 pounds. So far I'm O for 7. However, when it comes to the steps I laid out to get to this goal, I'm doing pretty well. I have been writing in my food journal and exercise log religiously. I...

I met my X in college. We were in the same major, the same classes, and we had the same close group of friends, mostly guys, and everyone was friends with everyone else regardless of relationship status. The fact that he and I were "coupled" mattered very little. We hung out as a group. College as commune, if you will. Except for a few awkward periods of time when someone in the group broke up with someone else in the group, all was hunky dory. After we got married (two days after graduation and coincidentally nine years ago this past Saturday. My brother called me to congratulate me on my "un-iversary." How and why he even remembered that date considering he was about 12 at the time is beyond me.) we moved to another state for graduate school. We weren't in the same program, or even in the same part of campus, but we somehow had a few of the same classes and my friends were his friends and vice versa. When I quit grad school, I went to work as an administrative...

Meeting in the Ladies Room: Klymaxx Oh dear God! My eyes. They are buuurning. Make it stop. This is a bad video for a great song. Bad. Very, very bad. On so, so, SO many levels. The clothes. The hair. The shirtless sweaty minimulleted guy off his meds having a seizure in the chair he appears to be tethered to. The only reason I'd be going to the ladies room is to vomit if he approached me. How did we ever make it through the 80s? I mean seriously. There are no words. Was everything really that asymetrical, shiny and just...crazy? I'm so glad I was only a tween at the time. There's something to be said for your parents still having control of your clothes purchases.

You ever look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and think, "If they ever make a sequel to Throw Momma From the Train , I could totally play Momma"? TGIF

I just got a comment from Tanklm on my last post that said: "Hey, this blog used to be funny. Can we have some funny posts every once in a while?" My first response was to want to tell tanklm (who does not him/herself appear to have a blog, or at least not one he/she shares) to take a long walk off a short pier. Instead, I am going to "live in the gap," as I learned in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Which means, essentially, that between something that happens, and your response, you have a choice on how you'll react. You can do something knee jerk, or you can think about it and then respond. You may still go with the original knee jerk response, but at least you'll know why. So, that being said, I'd actually like to thank tanklm for thinking that my blog was funny in the first place. It's hard to know what people think since I'm literally putting my words out in the ether not knowing even if it's being read, nevermind enjoyed...

Besides having the goal of losing 7 pounds, I would like to state for the record, that I would love, love, love (exclamation point!) to be able to rock a dress like this one. To do so, I need fabulous shoulders, a waist, and non-stickyouty abs. I'm getting there on the shoulders because of the weight lifting. Losing 7 pounds will help the abs. The one thing I may have difficulty with is the waist. I just don't think that I am genetically programmed to go in in the middle. Mostly because my rib cage ends practically at my hip bone. It's hard to be an hour glass when you're more like an egg timer. But we'll see. Hope springs eternal. For my own future reference, the dress is available here (and costs more than my wedding dress, prom dress, and a bridesmaid dress I once had to buy, combined). Still... Interestingly enough, I posted this inspirational (and/or depressing depending on the moment) picture on this blog about 500 posts ago. I sense a theme. That theme may ...

I was reading an article in Self magazine yesterday (or at least trying to - I was bouncing up and down on an exercise machine that simulates side-to-side cross country skiing so it was hard to focus on the words) and the subject was happiness. The gist was that too many people are focused on the goal they've made for themselves and don't enjoy the journey. For instance, "I'll be happier when I ... get that job, find that mate, lose the weight." Then, when they don't reach their goal, they not only feel like failures, but aren't any happier than they were when they started. Since many of us have just signed on to reach a goal of some sort I thought I'd pass along that wisdom. (I'd bet money it's easier to lose the weight if you're enjoying yourself.) I took stock while I was trudging through my workout and realized that I am happy when I'm at the gym or working out. When I'm not happy, I change what I'm doing. Get off the treadm...

Did you know that if you have vegetables in your fridge and take the time to cut them up ahead of time, you will actually eat them? Shocking! I know! In the last few days I have had so many vegetables I don't even know what to do with myself. I had veggies in an omelette for breakfast, a large salad with dinner, and additional veggies in that dinner (veggie and chicken quesadillas). I even chose a more vegetable oriented dish at the chinese restaurant I went to for lunch yesterday (I still need to learn not to bite off the hand of the guy trying to take the fried wontons and duck sauce off the table. I've got witnesses. If I'd still had my chopsticks, it could have gotten ugly. But whatever, baby steps.) Tonight, I intend to make pizza and use more of the vegetables before they go bad. Here's 10 reasons to eat your veggies . (Most links go to further articles on veggie eating) Keep Trim Prevent Heart Disease Control Diabetes Avoid Diverticulosis ( Diverticulosis has to...

First, the encouragement. Welcome JT (not to be confused with TJ) to the Challenge! 1) Thanks Celebrate WooWoo for pointing out FitDay.com . You can start a free account there and track your food and weight loss. I'd been there a long time ago and it looks like they've improved it since then. 2) You go TJ for getting out there and running! Every little bit counts. 3) Good luck saving up money for a bike December Flower! Finally, go me for passing three, count 'em, 1, 2, 3, coffee houses at lunch yesterday and not getting a mocha latte. And boy did I want to. Why did someone not tell me sooner that fudgicles are only 70 calories?! I have found a replacement product for when Friendster Guy buys ice cream. Perfect! Now, on to the bitchiness. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. So, you may recall that my X's girlfriend is pregnant and I found out because my X told my sister but told her not to tell. Whatever, she told me. I promised not to tell anyone, but did ...

It looks like I've got some people doing the Challenge with me! Yeah! Please welcome my current co-challengers: Canadian Sadie Celebrate WooWoo December Flower TJ Polls are not yet closed, so you are welcome to join in at any time. I have nothing to offer anyone who joins me, except pride and maybe a little motivation. As for the steps I laid out for myself, I have started a food journal and exercise log that includes what I ate or what I did, where and when I ate/did it, and how I felt at the time - both emotionally and physically. I have also included questions at the bottom - "What did I do well today? What could I have done better? Other concerns/comments?" I also started planning my meals. I went grocery shopping yesterday and got a cart load of veggies and good for me stuff. The only thing I bought that wasn't in the "healthy horseshoe" (i.e. the periphery of the store where the veggies, dairy, and meat are) was canned veggies and fruit. I also ran 4 ...

Hello dear readers and welcome to - Sassy's Seven Week Fitness Challenge! I was just going to do this by myself but then I thought, "Heck, a lot of the people who come visit me at Big Girl Underoos have been trying to lose weight or get fit or both, so why not share my goals with them and see if they want to join me. Plus, it'll make me accountable and force me to do this." So, what is the "this" I'm talking about? "This" is a weight loss and/or fitness goal, and seven weeks to do it. I realized that in the back of my brain I always have the goal, "Lose weight." But even when I'm supposedly trying to lose that weight, I'm not really doing anything. I'm thinking about it. A lot. But I haven't really DONE anything. And the reason is that I haven't thought about the steps to reach that goal. I suppose "eat better" and "workout more" are steps, but really, what do they mean? They are amorphous and n...

I was filling out one of those cheesy email surveys your so-called friends send you now and then (Favorite ice cream; If you were a crayon what color would you be; Would you bungee jump; etc...). I was going to ignore it but my brother sent it to my whole family and I appeared to be the only person not filling it out (my sister even had my 4.5 year old niece respond) so I had to do it - familial guilt is a powerful motivator. Anyway, one of the 834 million questions was, "Do you have any special talents?" The first thing that popped into my head was gleeking . Yes, I am able to shoot my saliva out of my mouth from under my tongue like a cobra. Many people do it accidentally, but I can do it on demand. It's a skill I honed while waiting at my bus stop as a kid. (There was no one else at my bus stop.) It's not really a marketable talent (although if I tried hard enough I'm sure the internet could yield something. Something fairly seedy, I'm sure, so I'm not ...

I accidentally left my office window open last night. About an inch. For some reason my windows don't have screens and I'm on the first floor. Obviously, I know I need to close and lock the windows, yet two people have already gone out of their way to mention something about it this morning. Well fucking duh! I didn't do it on purpose. (And yet my boss can leave hers open every night and no one says boo. Yes, she has a screen, but whatever.) I don't need the chastising before 8am people. I really don't. In other news, in the never ending saga that is my thesis, I present it today. It's not a defense in any way shape or form. It's more like a show-and-tell. But it's one more thing I have to finish before I can truly be done. Someday, all the "one more things" will actually be all over. And I will run through the streets shouting "oh happy day!" Or I may just get myself a mocha latte. It depends on how I'm feeling at the moment (whi...

You know that feeling you get when you're nervous about something although you don't know what, or you feel like you must have forgotten something. I have that. Again. I'm fairly certain I blogged about this a few weeks back. I feel vaguely like I've had too much caffeine. Or not enough. And now, looking down at my fingers on the keyboard, my right index finger is twitching. Like it desperately wants to type something independant of what I'm typing - very Ouija board-esque. It probably wants to type something like, "It's Monday morning. You are once again an office prisoner. No wonder you feel all squinky." Sigh...

Just stick it out for the first minute and see.

Either my pants have all decided to stretch out at the same time, or the shape of my thighs, butt and hips has changed. I haven't lost any weight but I also don't think my entire wardrobe decided to spontaneously lose elasticity and shape at the exact same time. So on the one hand, F'ing A! Welcome skinny thighs, you sneaky little devils! I had no idea you were coming. On the other hand, drat. I don't have the money for a new wardrobe at this point. And saggy bottomed pants are not altogether that flattering. But, saggy bottoms are better than bursting ones. So I'm not really that disappointed. Duh!

When you post a comment on someone's blog, and the spam reducer thingy asks you to type in that hard to read string of letters and numbers, do you feel like you've completed some sort of puzzle code or cryptogram and get all happy that you actually managed to make it work? Like you've cracked the Da Vinci code or hacked into the Pentagon or something? Yeah, me too.

1) Sign up (and be sure to pay) for a race of some sort - 5K, sprint length triathlon, 20 mile bike, whatever. (Go to coolrunning.com for a list of races in your area and training tips). Most are for charity so you can feel good about where the money goes. Feel free to drag a friend into it. Misery loves company. 2) Determine how much time you have before the event to train. 3) Have a panic attack 4) Get over your panic attack and create a plan of attack. 5) Start your plan. (There are plans on the website for every possible event and fitness level. I didn't use one until I did the half marathon last summer. It actually worked. Who knew?) 6) Continue having panic attacks and mini meltdowns. (They are actually good for you because they get your heart rate up and your blood pumping. It's cardio!) 7) Continue getting off your couch and getting either outside or to the gym. You will have set backs. You will want to whine and curse. You will rue the day you ever signed up for the r...

I discovered yesterday that I have managed to somehow mascarade as a fit person. I suppose that technically I am a fit person, but I wasn't always, and the fact that I am still amazes me. I feel like I'm getting away with something, or pulling the wool over someone's eyes. Like I get to hang out with the cool kids for a while - until they discover I'm not so cool. Or maybe that I'm cool anyway. I was chatting with my bestest bud NPapaya about working out and she said something along the lines of, "blah, blah, blah. You've always been fit." Now, NPapaya and I chat about pretty much everything. I don't hide a lot from you, dear readers, (hello, toilet incident ) but I really don't hide a lot from NPapaya , so the fact that somehow she thought I have always been a fit person surprised and amused me. Admittedly, we met when I was already into my transformation from couch potato to gym rat (I still can't say "athlete" because I ...