Big Girl Underoos

I walk into the gym and there, sitting at the first machine facing the door is date number 3! Holy worlds colliding. After we looked at each other and realized who we were we said hello and chatted for awhile. Actually, he chatted, I sat there all tongue tied because I was so unprepared for my on-line life to interact with my real life so quickly. He seems very nice and is very cute. And buff too. He said I had nice eyes : ) And he asked me to go out later tonight. I wisely said no. Wisely on two levels: One - I have not been in my apartment for more than an hour in at least a week and I need to do things like pay bills and do laundry, and Two - I think it was just a good idea not to jump into a date like that. He emailed me sometime soon after we parted and said I was a cutie in person too and wants to get together soon. Hee hee. A girl can use an ego boost like that. I've sent him my phone number so we can figure out when we can get together. P.S. Friendster #1 and Date #3 have t...

No, not the divorce. I have 3 dates this weekend! I don't think I have that many cute outfits! When the hell am I supposed to shop to get some? There's nothing like jumping in with both feet. Do you think that's bad that I'll be officially divorced on the same day as my first date? I don't. Weird maybe. But not bad. Man oh man. Exactly.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a date with Friendster #1 for lunch on Thursday. Yeeha! He suggested that since it is my first "meet someone on the internet" date that we start simple - not drinks or dinner. I think that was very considerate of him. He's already dated and had a relationship with other women he's met on-line. He's more seasoned than I am but he seems very nice and from his picture he's pretty cute. I seem to have developed a taste for men with glasses. In addition, I have another date on Saturday for coffee with the Match.com guy who joked about the closets (See my last post). AND, I'm pretty sure I'm about to be asked on another date by a different Match.com guy. After a couple of emails exchanged he just suggested we get together to talk about our travels. In other news, my STBX and I went to the courthouse today and filed all the paperwork. Once the judge signs them on Thursday we will be officially divorced. I had told my boss that I w...

I've been on Match.com way too much in the last three days. I sat through dial-up hell at my Mom's just to check my email and see if anyone checked me out. And they have. And it's like crack. I've exchanged emails with at least four guys now. None of whom seem too creepy (like you can really tell. At least they use proper punctuation and complete sentences.). The one I mentioned in my last post (the non-creepy one) made me laugh because I mentioned the closet nympho to him and he said "Who knew closets were that sexy?" Or something similar. I thought it was funny anyway. I also emailed a guy who is a high-school teacher and doesn't want to put his photo up because he's seen some of his students lurking about Match and posting profiles. That's just not right. They can't really stop anyone from looking but if you are jailbait you shouldn't be posting. I can imagine how awkward that would be to walk into school one day and have a print out of...

I joined Match.com and it's totally making me giggle. Over 90 men have viewed me and 2 guys have emailed me already. Holy moses, it's raining men. The first guy to email was a little creepy. In the same paragraph where he told me his 3 years old daughter is the light of his life he also said that for the right girl he was a closet nympho. Ick. He should have kept that in the closet a little longer. But then another guy who's profile says he's gone through my masters program emailed me and was anything but creepy. I replied. We'll see what happens. Oh! And I'm going out with Friendster #1 next week! Details are TBD but we're definitely going out! It's a date. An actual date. Whoo hoo. Some single friends of mine said that the best way to get a date is to already have a date scheduled. Let's begin the parade of men. I'll keep you posted. I'm going to go into a food coma now. I just finished Thanksgiving number 2.

Friendster #1 is asking all the right questions to show he may be interested in me - i.e. he is asking questions about me period - but he has yet to move forward on the let's get together front. So...now that we have had one more exchange, I took it upon myself to ask him. I emailed him and said "So, would you be interested in being my "activity partner" for a cup of coffee or drinks or something?" The "Activity partner" reference is a Friendster thing. You can indicate if you want to meet people for dating, relationships, friends, or activity partners. I didn't want to say "date" for some reason. I thought this was lighter. I hope he gets it. Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Drive safely.

There may be something to women being attracted to bad boys. At least they start out wanting to date you. They may leave you hurting later on but at least you got to go out a couple of times. The nice guys are thoughtful and considerate of other people's feelings. Damn them. Cute intellectual boy is declining a date because he knows my Soon To Be X, he's leaving the area in 3 months, and he's overloaded with work. All perfectly valid and even sweet excuses but that doesn't make it any less disappointing. Thank god my STBX isn't very social. If I hear "I know your STBX" as an excuse ever again I'll be very pissed. My STBX is a STBX for a reason - he didn't pay any attention to me. Why should he start now? I've definitely moved into the angry at STBX phase. Before, I was in the "let's see how nice I can be so everyone feels ok with this decision" phase. I was hurting but I knew STBX was probably hurting more (or at least had less ti...

Friendster #1 has written back and told me all about his career track, which is appropriate since I asked, but he did not pursue the coffee/margarita line of inquiry. I know guys don’t necessarily get subtly but is “You’re gonna owe me a coffee or a margarita” really all that subtle? I don’t think so. We’ll continue the conversation and see what happens. I have now asked him if his job requires odd hours or him being on call. At least then I’ll know when a date might be scheduled. And if I have to do the asking I will. In other news, California Dream Boy – heretofore known as my good friend in California – and I had a nice phone conversation last night. He called me (granted it was after I left him a couple of messages and an email or two but still, he came through) and we talked for about an hour. It was nice to get some of the weirdness out. Although there didn’t really seem to be too much. I made sure to talk about the elephant in the room however. Otherwise we could have had a love...

....Do you know why I pulled you over? How many nights of socializing have you had this week? This much fun and socializing should be illegal. Or at least listed as a controlled substance. I shouldn't operate heavy machinery right now. I need a nap. It really is like a drug. I get depressed very fast if I don't have some sort of social outlet. I probably should work on spending time with myself but for now, screw it! I'm not addicted! I can stop anytime. Really! I just don't want to. 12 step program here I come.

I've decided that my strategy to meet men is to say yes to every invitation I receive to any event whether or not there will be men there or not. This is what my last 7 days looked like - Friday I went to a men's hockey game where I saw (ok stalked with my eyes) a cute boy from my gym and was then able to start a conversation about it with him later in the week. Saturday I went to my nieces birthday party and then the drag show where I got all sassy with a feather boa and some lesbians. Sunday I played in a volleyball game and there were two new cute guys there that I had not met before. And I finally got to talk to the ones that had already been there. Monday I helped some friends in a play writing class (all women) by honing my acting skills and reading their pieces. The plays are very good and I'm having fun doing it. Tuesday I stayed home sick but felt much better in the evening so called a fabulous friend who invited me to dinner at her place. I met a nice man who prob...

Friendster # 1 wrote back! And is quite funny and interesting. And apparently interested in hearing more about me. My profile notes that I am an administrator so he asked what I administrate. Being ever so witty, I said something like, “I could tell you but I’d have to kill you. Actually, that’s not true. But you will owe me a mocha latte or a margarita.” So I think I asked him out to coffee or a drink. Or at least put the idea in his head. Cross your fingers!

I have now exchanged emails with Friendster Guy #1. It wasn't a really deep or even flirty conversation but it was an exchange. The gist of the conversation was him saying he was kind of addicted to Friendster and the whole social networking thing fascinated him. I wrote back saying something about the person who dies with the biggest network wins and that it was nice to meet him. That was a couple of days ago. If he responds but does not act like he is about to ask me for coffee or something I'm going to ask him. If he does not respond, what do I do? I'm being as bold and assertive as I feel comfortable being without crossing the line to pushy. You know what I want? I want someone to ask me out. Where are all the guys who ask women out? When did men stop doing that? Did they ever? Is it me? Women are so easy. Throw us a bonafide compliment that we at least think you mean and we're all yours. C'mon guys. Step up. What's the worst that could happen? Sure, some ho...

So I was driving from my niece's birthday party (she's 3) to the afore mentioned drag show and I came across a toll. For some reason, people were not able to understand the red versus green light and kept pulling up to the lane that was closed (red) and had to try to scoot into the lane that was open (green). (Are you following the color coding? Good.) I let two people who were stuck in the red lane go in front of me and then said to myself "No more! It's my turn to go through." I was sort of in a hurry and because I'm now conserving quarters for laundry I was in the non-exact change lane. Then a lady in a mini-van failed to comprehend the red light as well. I wasn't close enough to the gate to just move forward like I hadn't seen her but I was kind of annoyed and afraid the people behind me would start getting pissy if I let anymore people through. I let her through anyway and made exasperated sighing noises behind her as if she and the people behind ...

And this evening I got to be one. I was pulled up on-stage, given elbow length lace gloves, a boa, and a blonde wig and lipsank back-up on “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” at a drag show . And it was fabulous! Why oh why are we no allowed to wear feather boas all the time? I had people I didn’t know putting dollar bills in my bra and a lesbian co-worker shoving money in my back pockets. And I liked it. Yes folks, I’m an attention whore. I will get it wherever, however, and from whomever I can. As I’m sure you can imagine a drag show is not the best place to meet men – not straight ones anyway. I am highly doubtful that any of the men I found even remotely attractive were interested in me or my gender. However, some of the women dressed as men might have been. (Another co-worker was so confused as to which gender which person was we kept having to stop her from going home to a surprise.) I am certain that had I switched teams I could have gone home with any number of ladies. It doesn’t h...

I’m being proactive. I just emailed two guys on Friendster who are supposedly single and in my area. Why the hell not? One of them had checked out my profile previously so I had sent him a smile (a convenient little feature Friendster has). A few days later he sent me a smile. And then I waited and wondered what to do next. Last night when I logged in I saw he was on-line and then he was on again at lunch today so I sent him a message joking that he’s always on Friendster at the same time as I am, that I’m not a stalker, and thanks for the smile. The second person I emailed listed “eating Asian food” as a hobby but then wrote “(But that’s not really a hobby)”. Since eating ethnic food was on my list of hobbies I wrote him saying “Eating asian food is most definitely a hobby, and a darned good one.” I tried to keep it light, funny, and not too desperate. (For the record I haven’t reached desperate yet. It will be awhile I hope.) I don’t want to be too flirty on-line but I also don’t wa...

I realized last night that I’m able to go days without thinking about my soon-to-be-ex-spouse. I only asked for a divorce in late September so in seven weeks I’ve gone from being married and living together in a condo to being a single girl not even wasting any thoughts on my former spouse. I guess that means I was ready to move on. I hope he’s feeling the same way. See, that’s the problem with splitting up amicably, you still care how the other person is feeling. At least when that person actually enters your thoughts, which as I just mentioned is not often. This is a good thing. Sometimes I have too much empathy for my own good. On a more positive note, I ran into a friend yesterday who invited me to join her at a bar to celebrate her birthday. I’m glad I said yes. I had a nice chat with some lovely ladies and I learned a great way to start a conversation with (and subsequently captivate) men. In her wallet, the birthday girl carries this card trick she cut off the back of some Keebl...

Reading blogs is a little like voyeurism. The corollary therefore is that writing blogs is exhibitionism. I can’t say I disagree 100% but it’s exhibitionism where the audience gets to choose whether or not to participate in the exhibit, as opposed to the good old fashioned flasher who strikes with no warning. Folks, I am no flasher. If you’d like to get a little more voyeuristic but in a safe, funny way, check out the wisdom and wit of one Jen Myszkowski , stand-up comedian and sometimes dater. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wonder “what the *&^^&%$ ?!”

For those of you following at home, my dating score is now: wins 0 losses 1.5 draws .5 The date I didn’t think was a date definitely wasn’t – he has a girlfriend - so that counts for 1 loss. (Why he did not mention the girlfriend he has been seeing for a year in one of the myriad email conversations we had I do not know. Men. I wasn’t really disappointed. He’s definitely friend, not date, material.) Then, the date that was probably an actual date but was postponed counts for both the .5s. Why .5 in the loss and draw columns you ask? Well, not being one to sit on my butt wallowing in self-pity I made plans with other friends (2 girls and a guy) when the original ones fell through. These secondary plans ended up bringing me to a bar that Date #2, let’s call him B, frequents. Just because B postponed our date didn’t mean he had to stay home so I actually wondered whether I would see him there. I didn’t have to wonder for long. I did one scan of this bar and saw him at a table. With a blon...

Ok so I'm not really moving to Canada. But if this doesn't make you want to I don't know what will. What is keeping me here (besides my life, family, friends, etc...) is knowing there are other individuals in the U.S. who think the way I do . Emphasis on think . I'm not knocking spirituality and all but c'mon people. Jesus is rolling over in his grave. Sorry. This blog isn't supposed to be about politics but sometimes I just gotta let it out.

Besides practicing my skills at wedding ring observation, I’ve been thinking about the people I know and their relationships. In my extended group of friends there are three couples who are going to be getting married in the next year or two. However, there are at least seven individuals who are in the process of splitting up after a long relationship, engagement, or marriage. It’s nice to know I’m not alone but it’s odd to be at this nexus of crumbling relationships. I don’t think I’ve ever known this many people who are in one stage of separation or another, all at the same time. I’ve only had one or two friends divorce since I’ve known them but that’s it. And any relationships that ended hadn’t lasted all that long - a year or two, but not six or seven. Maybe this just comes from making friends with couples but many of these people I’ve known for years, before they were coupled. If I were into astrology I’d have to say something about stars aligning. Maybe going askew is more correc...

What’s rule number one when you are a single girl? Look for a ring. Rule number 2? Double check for a ring! Rule number 3? Ditto. Why is there no school or seminar for newly single people to learn these rules? Actually I’m sure there is such a seminar but I didn’t look for one. It should be automatic. Like AARP sending you their information as soon as you turn 50. (Aside: I don’t know why they keep sending ME their information. Someone needs to update their database.) Anyway, I have not yet absorbed the cardinal rule of looking for a ring. This became abundantly clear when nice med student finally replied and very nicely (did I mention he was nice?) told me that he got my message but he’d been very busy and he hopes he’ll be less busy next semester when his wife arrives. DOH! He was very considerate of my feelings and added the following: “I was not sure if you noticed my ring or not (it was not just a pirate ring after all). I just got married this last summer. I am sorry it did not c...

You know what I'm learning as a single girl? Patience. And how to recover when you've gotten your hopes up and things don't work out. It's all very zen. I've had to use these zen skills recently because nice med student has not yet responded to my email and the one potentially real date I was to have this weekend has asked if we can postpone it. He was very nice and considerate about it - something came up that squashed his time frame to get some things done and he's stressed about it. He didn't want to be eating dinner with me thinking of all the other things he had to do. Also, instead of making me wait until Friday or even Saturday to know whether or not things had settled down on his end and we could go out he just said let's postpone it. I thought that was rather thoughtful of him. He didn't want to string me along and cancel at the last minute. And since he use the word "postpone" several times he does want to see me in the future. Oo...

I stumbled - ok googled- across a blog about someone attempting to go on 100 dates. He's not doing so well. I've been thinking about trying that myself - being newly divorced what have I got to lose (besides my dignity, self-esteem, and pride?)? But I'm trying to figure out the definition of "date". Do old friends you have no real interest in count? Maybe you'd be interested in them afterward so is it a date retroactively? Or is a date any organized activity where you are eligible and the other person is eligible and you are by yourselves together on purpose? Or does it have to do with the intent or motive? Dictionary.com says a date is "An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest." Wikipedia defines it as "A social outing with a current or potential lover or spouse ; see courtship ." That doesn't help me much. By the way, I have date number 1 (and maybe date number 2) this coming weekend dep...